Sick to my stomach

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  • artcmomto3
    Participant

    I just need to get this out.  No need to comment.  I’m just really upset.

    I have been wanting to homeschool for a while now.  When we were pregnant with our 3rd child we decided to send our DD to Kindy at a private Christian school.  She had the best K teacher there and had a very good experience.  The school is seeking to be a CM school, however, they are coming from being traditional, so they are middle of the road I’d say.

    Back in the winter we decided to re-enroll our DD for 1st grade just in case I didn’t homeschool.  DH was not completely on board for me HS’ing yet, so we registered her for this year with the option of withdrawing her if we decided to HS.

    This summer DH asked me to do a trial, and we did that in June and some in July.  I have put a lot of work into planning for this coming year.  He has been on board and supportive of me HS’ing this year, although he has had reservations occasionally.

    I just realized today that if we withdraw our DD from private school that it will cost us a whole semester.  I’m so sick about it.  DH is okay with us going on ahead and letting her attend 1st grade there.  I’m crushed.  Perhaps the Lord is putting me in a position to make me depend on Him concerning our DD’s education and not just what I want to do, but I know this yearning has to be from Him b/c I had no interest in HS’ing when she was a baby.

    Anyway, now we have a decision to make.  We can flush money down the toilet and withdraw her or we can send her to school this year and I can HS her next year.  I had just consigned a bunch of her uniform things and didn’t purchase anything for her b/c I was anticipating HS’ing.  I feel very frustrated with myself and DH b/c we didn’t make a decision earlier, much b/c DH wasn’t ready to give me the green light.  However, maybe I got my hopes up, and I’m now reaping the consequences.

    I know that God is in control.  I know that it will not be detrimental if she attends school.  There are things I love about her school and other things that annoy me.

    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.  If you think of it just say a prayer for me.  I do want what God wants for our family, even if that means sending her to school.  I just need to surrender, and I’m really hurting about the possibility of not having her home this year.  I would def. HS her next year, though, and then my DS would be in Kindy, so I would teach them together.

    HeidiS
    Participant

    Well, that sucks! I will be praying. It is so weird to have to balance all the things we have to do these days isn’t it? Take heart, you already know who is in control, so it could be an interesting year. And there’s nothing to say you can’t supplement with your CM materials and read tons of good books to get her in the right space too!

     

    Jennifer
    Member

    I’m so sorry this happened to you.  I pray you make the best decision for your family.  In my mind, however, I would think that the money is gone either way and that I’d personally take the cut and homeschool her anyway.  Just my two cents. 

    momto2blessings
    Participant

    What a bummer:(  It would be hard, but I agree with stronghold7.  The $$ are lost and you can homeschool 1st gr. very cheaply.  But I know that’s difficult and would also depend on dh.  Pray:)   Gina

    my3boys
    Participant

    I agree with the others, not that you were asking Wink

    If I were you I would also try to focus on the fact that you have found out earlier than some that you want to hs and have found such a great site for encouragement and support. (I hope that didn’t sound preachy, btw.)  You are a fortunate lady.  And, I agree that you can always supplement with all of the wonderful gems you have your eye on for you little one.

    Obviously all of this is up to your hubby and yourself, but I thought I’d add my .02.

     

     

    Jennifer
    Member

    It’s so true about being blessed that you decided to homeschool this early.  My sister was one who said she’d NEVER homeschool EVER.  Of course, now she does, but her son didn’t come home until 8th grade, after she had tried schooling my niece in 2nd and 3rd grades first and discovering that she really did have the ability to “teach” her kids, or rather, learn with them and from them.  Wink

    Sue
    Participant

    I also agree with stronghold7 and the others, but the biggest thing I see is how you will grow through truly surrendering this to God. It would really be “flushing money down the toilet” if the education dd receives is somewhat lacking this year (i.e., you’re not getting your money’s worth because she’s not learning as well as you feel she could be). However, your attitude and response to this will speak volumes to your husband and might bolster his confidence in your plans to homeschool. Perhaps even enough to suggest you withdraw her mid-year.

    my3boys
    Participant

    I agree with Sue on that point as well.  In my marriage these days I’m much more willing to surrender and watch God change both of us, what a blessing.  God bless you and your dh allow God to work out what He sees fit.

    Side note: My husband was against hsing, as well, for many years until one day it clicked for both of us.  I know each family is different and come to this place in their own time.  Keep praying 🙂

    artcmomto3
    Participant

    This has been harder on me b/c I have been really wanting to homeschool for a couple of years now.  It has taken DH much longer to jump on board.  He is staying very positive through all of this and is keeping both options open.

    I have sent an email to the elem. school principal asking if there are any exceptions to the rule.  I have known her for years.  She directed children’s choir when I was in the 5th grade, and her DH was my youth pastor.  I’m hoping that it will help, but she is only one person on the staff and still answers to the headmaster.

    This has definitely brought me to my knees!  One thing is that if I HS anyway it would still be cheaper even if we lose the money.  However, I really need DH’s full support.  I’m praying that the Lord will make His will very clear to us both.

    blue j
    Participant

    Praying for you both and that your hearts are soft and receptive to God and to each other.

    lgeurink
    Member

    Even though your daughter would not be the one recieving the result from the tuition, the money will still be used to further God’s kingdom for other children and in other ways.  While you will not benefit from the money anymore, other Christian families will.  I know it is hard, but if you decide to keep her out of school and do not get any money back, try to envision what the money will be used for, hardworking teachers for other famillies who have decided Christian schools are the right choice for them, building items, office staff, gounds keepers, electric bills, new library books…  The money will not be a complete waste, God will bless it either way.

    artcmomto3
    Participant

    DH thinks this is a sign to send her to school.  I don’t.  We are on such different pages now.  It has taken DH a long time to come to peace with HS’ing, and now this has sent him back to the other side.  I’m praying that God will give us peace and bring us in agreement.  As of now, I feel like I am in a position of having to submit to DH, but I’m going to continue to pray that we will hear from the Lord clearly.

    Thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts.  Y’all don’t know me, and I am blessed to have found this group.  On a positive note, my excitement to HS has got my sister thinking about it.  Her oldest is 4 yrs. old, and their plans were to send her to PS since they can’t afford the local Christian school.  I’m going to share some SCM resources with her.

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