Name: Thrive! NCHE Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-05-22T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-05-24T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Winston-Salem, NC

Tagged: siblings fighting

This topic has 14 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by Katrina in AK.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)

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April 1, 2015 at 5:20 pm
Kristen
Participant
So I know I am not alone in this but here is our background;
I have a 10 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. The sister is bigger and taller then the brother. There is an older sister 12, and a younger brother 7 who aren’t really involved in this for the most part.
The 9 & 10 year olds are CONSTANTLY at each others throats. They argue about dumb things, they criticize each others drawings and ideas, they don’t want to share legos with each other to the point where they are arguing because one of them picked up the other lego piece and is holding it. Etc.
I have done devotions with them and books like Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends and The Young Peacemaker and even In His Steps and of course I have talked and yelled till I am blue in the face to no avail. DH sent both boys to bed an hour earlier last night because of the fighting. I am tired of being the referee.
Tomorrow they are all starting more exercise as I had gotten away from it during the winter but now it is warmer and they can start doing laps and other exercises again but I need other suggestions to try!

April 1, 2015 at 8:34 pm
Threekidsmom
Participant
Following… cause I have a 9 and 10 y/o boy and girl who are exactly the same way!!! It’s gotten so old that I’ve actually made a rule that they are not allowed to talk to each other in the car at present time..
April 2, 2015 at 8:41 am
retrofam
Participant
A wise friend told me years ago to give the two children who are fighting a joint chore to do together when they argue. This forces them to work together, and provides a consequence for their fighting.
Present it as an opportunity for them to practice working together.
Cleaning a bathroom is a popular choice. This is an additional cleaning, not in place of cleaning night at our house.

If only one child is bothering the other, the offender makes restitution by doing one of the victim’s chores, or cleaning part of their room, etc.

Hth,
Retrofam

April 2, 2015 at 8:53 am
6boys1girl
Participant
I’ve done the joint chore idea that retrofam mentioned and it does work. If they can’t do it together while working together normally, have them hold hands while they do it. It takes a lot longer but also makes them work together.
We also have them do something nice for the other (other’s choice) when it’s one-sided and that works too. Added bonus, the one who is being teased or picked-on tends to feel a lot better when something nice is done so it reduces hard feelings.
April 2, 2015 at 9:19 am
curlywhirly
Participant
With my kids, when they start bickering like that it is often because they are feeling jealous of their sib. In our home making sure each child gets individual attention helps a lot.
April 2, 2015 at 9:23 am
6boys1girl
Participant
A couple other thoughts:
For our kids, I have taken away toys – if they can’t get along while playing Legos, they don’t get the Legos. This does seem to make them think twice about fighting and what they want to happen.
Also, does the fighting seem to increase after certain things – like playing with certain friends, outside the house activites, etc? When my oldest two were younger, they had one friend that they really enjoyed. He was a neat kid from a neat family but when they came home from playing with him or when he came over, they treated their siblings badly. I talked to them about it and warned them that if it continued, the friendship would be severely restricted, that I was not going to let them destroy their sibling relationships for a friend (or anything else). We did have to restrict the friendship a couple of times before it improved but they did get the message.
April 2, 2015 at 10:13 am
Kristen
Participant
Thanks for the input. I have used some of these ideas in the past but had forgotten them!
April 3, 2015 at 7:51 pm
cdm2kk
Participant
Well, I tried the chore thing, but they just argued and yelled about who got who in trouble etc… and I still had to hear all the bickering, so I just told them that they had too much time on their hands and everytime I hear any kind of ugliness from either of them….they get to run laps….both of them. This caused them to have a common enemy..ME and low and behold…..they stopped. Now all I have to do is give them a look and I hear apologies almost instantaneously. LOL My kids hate running btw and that would be the key element….it would take place no matter the weather. HTH
April 4, 2015 at 7:40 am
retrofam
Participant
cdm2kk,
I am glad you found something that works for your individual children.

For those thinking chores don’t work, at our house if the two children argue while doing their joint chore they get another one. This continues until they can work together without arguing.
Hth,
Retrofam
April 4, 2015 at 7:05 pm
cdm2kk
Participant
Oh retrofam, I didn’t mean chores wouldn’t work, I’m sure they would have if I had more patience and time and energy to do as you say and follow through with another chore etc. I just couldn’t stand hearing the bickering and so I resulted in making them do something I knew they despised and it was out of my earshot, but I could see them them. I didn’t mean to make it sound as though your method didn’t work…..I was just giving another option in case someone else is like me and their children’s bickering is worse than nails on a chalkboard. LOL Nobody told me how creative one becomes once you enter parenthood!
April 4, 2015 at 7:15 pm
retrofam
Participant
No problem:) I realize that we mommas need lots of ideas, because we all have our preferences and unique children. I don’t think any less of you, because you found a different technique:) I am sure that you do many things better than I do.
Blessings,
Retrofam
April 6, 2015 at 4:08 pm
amama5
Participant
Just so glad to hear we aren’t the only home with this! I just talked to my children today at lunch about how bad it has gotten lately, and there are six of them so it’s a lot of strife. So much bickering, arguing, correcting, etc. We use THINK-is it:true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind? If not it doesn’t need said. Easier said than done though. I agree with the hand-holding for chores,etc. I have done that if two can’t get along, it usually resolves it pretty quickly because they start laughing about trying to do everything with one hand. I like the laps idea, I might try pushups or jumping jacks. Other ideas are great too!
April 7, 2015 at 4:07 pm
MountainMamma
Participant
One other quick idea to add… maybe try playing soothing music? I find that playing worship songs or calm music encourages my kids. It helps me stay calm too! 🙂
April 15, 2015 at 9:10 am
waynesweakervessel
Participant
Sometimes family memories will even be made. Once upon a time I had two boys that were fighting over something (can’t even remember what) and they were punished with doing the dishes together that night. Usually one person does dishes by themselves in our family. These two teenage boys proceeded to do the dishes and dry them together. TWO hours later they were still laughing hysterically as they were still on a roll of 100 things to do with a dishtowel. Oh, my, goodness, that night will forever be in our family’s memory!! It was hilarious!!! The things they came up with were hysterical! We all laughed until we cried and our cheeks hurt!

April 15, 2015 at 5:38 pm
Katrina in AK
Participant
This is so timely for my family. I have two boys, 6 and 8, who bicker quite a bit. Thanks for all the lovely tips!