60-day returns • free shipping on USA orders $129+
Sibling Rivalry 7 Years Apart
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 8 months ago by
.
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
- Posts
Two of my boys, 11yo and 4yo have been at odds constantly this summer. Does anyone else deal with this in siblings who are this far apart? Big brother seems to be the main instigator in most cases and I’m at my wits end. Clearly I know he should be the one to encourage and uplift the younger, but no amount of lecturing on his influence helps. I understand some sibling rivalry in those who are closer in age, as my other boys, but 7 year age gap is huge. Any suggestions to help them end their silly squabbles and for mammas peace to return? Thanks so much.
My first thought is that you need to get the 11yo on your side. I would try to talk to him at a calm time w/o his brother present. Ask him if he notices that things have been more chaotic lately. Don’t blame but ask what he thinks the reason is. Maybe there are certain things his brother is doing that bother him or maybe there are new reasons why he feels the younger one is gettign more attention. If he has real concerns, try to come up with a way together to address them. But then lead the conversation to the fact that we need to be kind to one another and thta you are counting on him to help you with this. Maybe come up with a secret signal you can give him when he is beginning to err so he can stop himself. I also think there is a lot to avoiding the trouble. Charlotte would say that if you can go 6 weeks without unkind voices you will break the habit. So if that means distracting your little one a lot for a while, maybe that will help everyone get out of the bad habit. It will also require you to be super vigilant for a while to step in at the first ssign of trouble. The longer it goes on, the harder the habit will be to break.
And it is always good to establish a new habit in the place of the bad one. Maybe somehting along the lines of thinking of one kind thing to do for or say to one’s brother a day?
Nebby
I was the oldest of 3 sisters, the youngest being 9 years younger and I only wish my parents had done more to get past this, as just now, as adults we are getting a bit closer, but I was terrible at teasing, wounding with words, etc.
My own boys are close in age and do most everything together, and I do let them each have a special place for their own special treasures but they have to share everything else. Also, most days I seperate them for an hour of quiet time with a snack – looking at books, handicraft, nap, legos; after they’ve been seperated it seems to help them continue to play nice…
But I have heard other moms mention ideas such as having them work together on chores or a specific exciting job with Dad (or both helping empty the dishwasher, etc.), share a room, using natural consequences when one has been nasty to the other (we just did this last night, the younger hit the older with something, and couldn’t think of how to make it up to him beyond apologizing and asking forgiveness, so Dad and I came up with him emptying the dishwasher alone next time to give brother a break, they are 5 and 7).
Perhaps responding with a sad tone and doing the Love and Logic energy drain repeatedly ad naseum might do the trick. “Ohhh. What a bummer. You’re really draining my energy right now (which is the biggest problem right?!). What are you going to do about that? (if kid has no idea, then go on..) Would you like to hear some ideas to give me energy? (give 2 or 3 choices you’re ok with, “How about washing the car, how would that work for you? or how about doing another chore I have to do today, , or how about going to his room for an hour or so to give you a break since he’s not being fun to be around right now. How might that work for you?”) And if in 10-15 seconds after you’ve laid out choices, he doesn’t pick one after you’ve gone thru them, you get to pick. Finishing it before the next meal ensures you can make your words stand true and follow thru.
Hope this gives you something to go off of and inspires you. Hopefully others will chime in as well. Blessings!
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
- The topic ‘Sibling Rivalry 7 Years Apart’ is closed to new replies.