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Shaken up — prayers please!
- This topic has 14 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
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I’ve had an unexpectedly stressful summer so far. What was supposed to be a 2-week visit with family in Ohio before moving to Alaska in early July (My husband is in the Army.) has turned into a month of myself and my five kids under 10 living with family while hubby ties up loose ends at work in NC. In true Army fashion, our orders to Alaska have been cancelled and replaced with orders to Ft. Campbell, KY. I am 35 weeks pregnant as well. As most of you could probably imagine, the stress and anxiety have been so thick at times you could cut it with a knife! The kids have been fighting more than usual. I’ve tried to deal with it effectively, but also have tried to be understanding of the fact that their world has been basically turned upside down. Tonight during dinner at my parents’, things came to a head. My 4-year-old son pushed his 2-year-old sister pretty hard to the ground. (They were both standing up together at first.) My dad, who is usually pretty patient and mild-mannered, proceeded to immediately spank my son hard about 4 or 5 times. I whisked both kids upstairs and then discovered that my son had wet himself from the ordeal; he was really frightened. I spank, but that was the first time he got one from anyone outside our immediate family. (also found out that the push was bc little sister pulled his hair. Not that he was justified in pushing her, but it was good to know that it wasn’t completely unprovoked!) It was at this point that my maternal instinct came out and I yelled at my dad that he had caused my son to have an “accident” and to “please not spank my children.” Of course I am crying at this point because I feel so bad about the whole situation! After I cooled down, I approached my dad and apologized for snapping at him and also talked to my mom a bit. Neither seemed to see any problem with the spanking and my mom just kept reiterating how the kids need to be better-behaved when we’re here. She is overall very uncomfortable with kids, and what most would consider typical childish shenanigans she gets VERY bent out of shape over. I am wondering if I have handled this situation well so far…am I being too sensitive and letting my mama bear instincts cloud my judgement? Should I be thanking my dad for stepping in instead of condemning him? Where do I go from here?
I am so sorry. Quite honestly the episode sounds like a very typical one between kids, one we’ve all experienced – your parents included, they just forget.
I would be extremely upset if anyone but DH or I spanked our children, and especially to tgat degree. I would say your father just reacted to the stress.
Unfortunately, I would say the living situation isn’t working well, it’s obvious you’re all stressed out, your parents included. You have all had your worlds turned upside down. How much longer do you need to stay there? Can your husbands work not get you guys temporary housing?
And as for where to go, I think you need to all sit down and have a calm talk about expectations and guidelines. You may need to make it a point to get the kids out of the house more, to give your parents a break. Likewise, groundlines of what they are allowed to do as far as discipline need to be set out. They need to cut your kids some slack. But, at the same time, it’s their house and you’re the ones imposing, so their wishes need to be respected, too.
I would definitely try and find otger living arrangements if youre going to need to be there much longer. We lost our home when I was a chikd, and we had to move in with my grandmother, so I have a pretty good idea of the stress you, and your kids, are going through. Many prayers.
I don’t know about temporary housing, as we are pretty far from any bases. Thankfully, we are actually spending most of our time at my in-laws’ chaotic but fun farm. They still have 4 kids at home (out of 10 total) so they are definitely better equipped to deal with kids! I have come down to visit my parents 3 times so far since we’ve been here. I only stay for about 3 days at a time, bc nobody can handle much more than that 🙁 Not just a nasty comment, but they also live in the middle of the city with a tiny yard, so my country bumpkins get stir-crazy pretty fast!
I would say it’s time for them to come visiting you guys instead. Such a hard situation! The army is a crazy life. Hang in there. I live in central Ohio a bit east of Columbus, are you guys nearby for now? 35 weeks pregnant is hard and doing it without hubby, with the other kids, and not in your own place is really hard. Do they think you will get to KY soon?
Oh, and I agree, totally normal kid stuff. They’re dealing with their whole world being turned upside down too. We’ve had similar behavior without quite that much stress here between the 9 kids over the years.
Some adults just can’t handle kids, and it sounds like your parents are in this category at this stage in their life. No more staying overnight for a visit for a while. Maybe consider a hotel for a week? Just to get some space from everyone for a bit?
Ahhhh k. Thats different then if you’re just visiting them for short times. In that case I would say, pack up and go back to in-laws tomorrow 😉
I think I wouldn’t do anymore overnight visits for awhile – it’s too hard on all of you. Either stay in a hotel, or let them come visit you. If you have to, use the pregnant card 😉
Yeah, I’m not planning on anymore overnight visits…I think lunch with my mom might be a better bet! I’m glad I didn’t plan to split my time equally between my parents and in-laws. (I used to!) It’s sad how unwelcome I feel here, but I hope and pray that with some space will come a better relationship. We should only be here for another week or two. Tristan, to answer your question, my parents live in the Youngstown area and my in-laws are in Ashtabula. Nice to meet another Ohioan! I’m from Geneva, but the past 13 years of Army life have taken me to NC and TN as well. Life is an adventure!
I agree with Tristan. Tell them, “Mom & Dad, I appreciate the support you’ve given me during our visits, but I need to spend less time in the car this far into the pregnancy.” Then invite your mom & dad to come up to Ashtabula one day soon. It’s not that far from Youngstown. We’re in Cleveland. 🙂
Praying for you….
Sue
Hannah,
I’ll be praying for your family. If you need help with anything once you get to Ft. Campbell, please let me know. We are close by.
Rachel
Thanks, Rachel! Even though it was a bit of a disappointment to find out we weren’t going to Alaska after all, we are excited to be going to Ft. Campbell for the second time. We already own a house in Clarksville, so that is a load of stress taken off! Looking forward to doing some fun stuff with the family once things calm down this fall. Do you know if there is a group of CM Homeschoolers in the Clarksville-Ft. Campbell-Oak Grove area?
Yeah, I’d have a big problem with grandparents spanking my kids. I think the older generation thinks that spanking is a normal, needed thing, and I absolutely disagree with it (as does science…), so I don’t think you’re out of line by telling them not to spank your kids. In my opinion, if it’s adding to stress, you need to get out of there and get the kids out of there before things get worse and your kids start to have an unfavorable opinion or fear of your parents. So while there needs to be some forgiveness all around, parting ways needs to happen too. 🙂
I’m glad you already have a house in Clarksville. We have been here almost 3 years and don’t know of any CM groups in this area. We have lots of homeschooling friends at church, but they all travel quite a ways to go to their groups/co-ops and none are CM. We are south of the Cumberland River in Cunningham, and I would love to start a nature study group in our area, hopefully this September.
Rachel, I was re-reading some of these old posts and wanted to touch base with you! Are you on Facebook? I think it would be great to get together with some CMers in person!
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