Severe Mental Illness in spouse-need to reorganize schooling

Thank you all of you. I’m having a crying day, so ya’ll’s words are especially comforting today. I miss my husband-well, who he was. I heard a special song of ours on the radio yesterday that we used to dance to early in our marriage and I’ve been crying off–and-on ever since.

I thank G-D for my parents and sister who have opened their home to me and the kids right now. 

Lindsay, I really appreciate  that. I did think twice about posting my frustrations about schooling given the reason. Hoping I could just figure it out, ya know? Without “bothering” ya’ll with this, etc..I even prepared a response to an imaginary post from any person in case they started to accuse my husband of not enough faith or something ridiculous like that as being the reason for his illness.

But my mind was too overwhelmed. So. one thing I clung to in deciding to post was my past experience on this board and I knew it’d be safe here. 

I’m not angry, but sad…so sad; and want to just move on to the next stage of this and get some of our life back in our house. I feel like things are at a stand-still after the chaos. And I know this may sound petty, but I’m going to end up missing our spring and summer gardening season. I had plans, ya know? Now, I can only hope for doing these things in the autumn-maybe. 

I went to a family meeting of relatives of those with mental illness and that was helpful. DH went to his own peer-support group. It’s weird, when I go to my Congregation, I currently feel like I’m walking through a tunnel, alone with my thoughts -like I’m in a parallel universe! Not because anyone there has done or said anything wrong- for the exception of a handful of close friends who know – most don’t know and I just feel odd. I want to honor my dh, so when he comes, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

I wish the faith community would talk about it more. We also need more housing for people like this; similar to half-way houses for drug addicts. My dad (who has developed half-way homes and addiction programs for over 30 years) and I were talking about that last night. 

With all my grumblings, I’m relieved that my husband has his diagnosis, though the knowledge of it doesn’t really improve mine and my kids’ feelings; but with this help can begin after all these years of not knowing what was happening.

Unfortunately, he’s inconsistant with how much he’s allowing me to to be involved with his care. Sometimes it’s like he’s trying to go it alone and I feel excluded. But it seems to be part of his paranoia currently, based upon his reasoning for excluding me. So with counseling, hopefully it will improve. I know it’s not me, nor him, really; it’s his mind betraying him.

Also, a wonderful and godly man in leadership at our synagogue has been assigned(by our rabbi, but long before, spiritually- called) to disciple my husband and be there for him at any time. I am very thankful for that and pray it continues.

Anyway, thanks to reading my thoughts today. Blessings on all of you and your own families.

I found another good spiritually-uplifting book for the children that I think is good for them right now.

Christie, that is actually my favorite Psalm. It has encouraged me in times past. Thank you.