Serious Ingratitude Issues

My kids have had a hard time in the past giving away their unused things, but it’s gotten better. I’m not sure if these are the reasons, but I’ll tell what we’ve done differently.

Every year for a few years now, when we go see Daddy’s parents at Christmas (actually early Dec–we’re going tomorrow) we go shopping at the More-for-Less and get tons of food for the food pantry. Then we take it to them with Grandpa. They absolutely love this. The year we started it was probably the year the last of them found out about Santa and we have the understanding with them that we only give them one small gift each. I mean small–slippers, drum sticks, CD. So this year, we’ve added baby blankets to the giving. We got some fleece and we’re going to make fringes and give them to the children’s hospital.

We also go to the store throughout the year periodically and give the groceries to the food pantry in our location. I think they became more giving also the year we gave several things to the battered women’s shelter in our town. We had a talk about how these people had to run away from their husband/father and couldn’t even take anything. Sobering!

They have decided there are others that have less and can use some things more than we can. I’m not saying they are never selfish and negative, but I think giving away food or things we purchased for that purpose helped them see we could give away things that we don’t need anymore–or maybe something we love but someone needs.

Best of luck!

I’ve been investigating ways that my family might become more involved in service to others.  Beyond the fact that I just want to serve, I think it will be an excellent way to learn about other people’s lives and gain an appreciation for what we have. 

One book I’m intending to read (my library has them on order) is “Kisses from Katie”  http://www.amazima.org/katiesbook.html

I’m not sure what age level it is geared toward, but something like this might be a place to start, even if you just read it and then share stories or sections that you feel are appropriate.  Do some research into some of the service/ministery organizations and perhaps have your children and family choose one, either local or international, to become involved with.  Help your children determine how they want to help.  They might donate a percentage of their allowance, hold a fund raiser, participate in serving in the organization, etc.  

I also want to start a regular (weekly, monthly, ???) habit of finding someone we can serve as a family.  Taking a meal to a new mom, visiting someone who is housebound, etc.  As much as living books are wonderful and important, I think being involved in serving will make the most impact.  It’s like nature study – all the living books are great, but getting out and touching, feeling, observing, etc. are the key.

Okay, so now you have got me re-motivated to act on some things that have just been in the back of my mind for “Someday.”  I better get to work!

Joanne

Something that I have found that greatly contributes to the “gimmes” is watching television. All those commercials are designed to make us want more. Also, exposing your children to the needs of others is good. Finding a family in need and giving food and practical gifts to them shows children how wonderful it feels to give to others. We recently have been helping a lady who is homeless. I drove her to a job interview yesterday and my kids rode along. After dropping her off my kids and I discussed her situation. My 7ds was impacted by the fact that she has no home. He said he wished we could buy her one.

A book that made an impression on my son was the Little House book when the children receive only a rag doll and a piece of candy for Christmas. We do not do elaborate Christmas gifts ($100 per kid and some of that is clothes) he recognized that others may not receive even that much.

Tara

We have the Material World book as well (found it cheap at a curriculum sale, but our library has it too).  My oldest ds 12 loves that book.  I want to say that there are pictures in there that have people/families that have next to nothing compared to us and they are SMILING. (I’d have to check but I think there really are some, even just one).  My kids can “see” from that book that even though we are not rich we have so much, sometimes too much (and I have friends whose kids have way more than ours do). 

My dh is greatly impacted by the homeless, downtrodden, hungry, etc.  He can not pass someone that he may possilby help if it’s in his power to do so. Luckily our dc observe that on a reg., sometimes participate. I am not quite so brave, but being a man, he is not afraid of approaching people (at church or on the street).  He has several friends that are in greater need than us (and we have been impacted by the economy, finally) that he ministers to on a reg. basis.  My kids do see this, and I pray, that they do not think the $$$/food, etc., would be better used on them, when they already have so much (such as it is).

Just one more thought:  We stay out of malls, model homes, Walmart, etc. as much as possible.  And, when my kids do see things on tv that they may like (which is so fleeting anyway), I remind them that they may have to wait for a bday or Christmas (those are the only times we buy toys for the boys).  And, I usually don’t let them use their own $$$ to buy toys, they have to put it in the bank.  Let me explain that better.  If they receive giftcards they can spend them, but if they receive cash for Christmas or bdays they have to put it in the bank.  No child (in my family) needs a gazillion toys for either occasion.  I tell them they will thank me later when they can put $$$ toward a car at 18, something they will really need. 

Don’t know if any of this helps or not, but I just wanted to encourage you.  Oh, and the Lamplighter books are so well written any child can understand them, and they are not written down to the children.  I’m certain they cause my dc to think about what they do have and not focus on what they don’t.  And, I do encourage our dc to give a prayer of thanks on a reg., I need that myself at times.

The Princess and the Kiss has a Christmas book about only 3 gifts. I cannot review it as it has not yet arrived and is one of my dd’s 3 gifts. I am also doing the “only 3 gifts” this year, for the first time. It is hard for me to stick to that as I find that *I* want to give them more. But I know it is best not to, so they will appreciate more what they do get. Plus they get gifts from extended family.

We also have Material World and I highly recommend it. The photographer/author has several other books that look good too. You do need to look through the book first as I remember using my magic marker to put clothing on a few pages.

Another book that comes to mind that my ds7 is enjoying along with my dd is Pollyanna. She did not have much with her missionary father and the missions barrels were all the stuff they would get. Her father also played a “game” with her to see something to be glad about in anything. For example, Pollyanna wanted a doll, but got crutches in the missions barrel instead and she was “glad” for that. The story is about her moving in to her Aunt Polly’s since her parents died. I am reading it now for our read aloud and my children love me doing the voices.

Are you familiar with Tedd Tripp’s books, Shepherding a Child’s Heart and another similar title? He stresses having talks, using Scripture, getting to the heart of the issues, prayer with the child.

That’s great news, Heather.  Glad to hear peace has been restored to you home.

I think that selfishness/greed/discontent can creep in at any time (maybe not always triggered)…I know I can feel that way at times, even after giving a prayer of thanksgiving, go figure.  Thank the Lord for his mercy and grace, I need it daily, and so do our dc.