Jillian, I’m sorry things are so hard for your lovely daughter right now. SPD is incredibly overwhelming and scary. I can’t tell you the number of times I have cried and grieved for my son, just wishing desperately that life were not so hard for him.
You are learning. You are observing and gathering information. That is the first vital step. We felt so very helpless in the year before my son was diagnosed (he is five now and was diagnosed at 3.) He was almostly completely unable to engage with the world around him, wouldn’t even try ANY fine motor activities because he was so discouraged by his delays, barely spoke a word outside the house, etc.
Here are a few things that have helped us.
1) DIET. I don’t think you can underestimate diet and the positive and negative effects it can have. We have been gluten free for almost two years, and on GAPS since August. With both steps, we saw immediate and drastic improvement in DS’s attention, fine motor development, and behavior. Just since August, he is more social, more attentive, more verbal, stims less, makes better eye contact, melts down less, and is making great progress on his motor skills. He still can’t ride a tricycle on his own, but tries hard; he can’t catch a ball, but enjoys kicking one. He can’t write his letters, but is a brilliant speller and writes “words” consisting of dashes for each letter, and can spell anything with his wooden letters. He finally drinks out of an open cup. He has overcome many food texture issues. He has almost completely stopped toe-walking (late toe-walking is frequently a symptom of SPD.) He doesn’t panic when I leave him at church or with a babysitter.
2) Consistency and rhythm. For our SPD kiddos, this is vital. I really, really wish I had figured this out sooner. Up until this year, I was a bit of a wing-it mommy. I like flexibility. My son does NOT. I have learned to adjust myself to his needs. When he has consistency and predictability to his entire day, he is much calmer and happier.
3) Socialization….for her AND you. She needs it (preferably in small groups and with people she knows and trusts) frequently, to coax her out of her comfort zone bit by bit and help her with social cues. You need it as much or more than she does; you need support. I formed a homeshool playgroup here for children with neurological disorders, and I absolutely can not tell you what it has meant for me and my son. It has been a lifeline. The other mothers in the group have children a little older than my son, and just the “been there, done that, it gets better” aspect of the group has been amazing.
4) Yes, yes, yes, you can homeschool your SPD child. I had an OT tell me a few months ago that by homeschooling my son, I was doing absolutely the best possible thing for him. Often SPD children are of higher than usual intelligence, but it doesn’t show because they have different learning styles and often have trouble communicating. YOU know your daughter’s learning style, and she trusts you enough to communicate with you. You can capitalize on that to maximize her learning. One thing I have learned is to incorporate as much home “therapy” as possible into my schooling. I alternate types of activities. I alternate active and quiet time. I provide sensory activities (crash pad jumping, playground, chalk time outside, painting, clay, beeswax molding, playing with beans, rice, etc.,) between more abstract things. I use a home speech therapy program. I use games to build up his fine and gross motor skills.
Here’s a bit of our success just today…we went to DS’s neuro-playgroup, and he went down several slides….big ones at that!…by himself with no coaxing from me at all. That is huge for him…up until now he has been terrified of big slides. He played chase with one of the older boys. One of the other mothers wouldn’t stop talking about how different he is from a year ago, when he wouldn’t speak at all around other people and pretty much sat by himself playing with wood chips. I was so happy I couldn’t stand it.
He had a great time. But he has learned his boundaries too, and is starting to learn to self soothe. When he got too tired today, he went and sat down under the playground equipment alone and dug in the dirt till it was time to go. And that was fine. Yesterday, when we were setting up our Christmas tree and decor (which involved a lot of rearranging of the living room), he participated happily until it was obvious that all of the commotion and rearranging was becoming too much for him….and then, instead of melting down, he said he wanted to go to bed and listen to his Dr. Seuss audiobook. He stayed in his room for about an hour, and came out refreshed and happy.
All of that is to say…please keep your chin up. I had so many doubts when we started as to whether homeschooling was right for us. I know we’re still only in kindergarten, but so far, I can say absolutely that YES, homeschooling is the only choice we could have made for DS. If we had sent him to public school, he would have been on the fringe and would not have progressed nearly as quickly as he is, simply because no teacher with a classroom full of kids could have tailored his day to his learning style and sensory needs.
I have no idea if any of this will help…but…I will be thinking about you. I am confident that once you get past this first learning phase, you will gather confidence in yourself and your ability to help your child. Just being able to put a name to what is going on with your little one opens up SO many doors and resources.
Speaking of which, if you are on Facebook, a great resource is a group called SPD Connect. It is run by an OT, and is a great community of caring parents of SPD kids, sharing help, resources, and encouragement.
Best of luck to you and your family!
Amanda
