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Seeking guidance
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Do you think it is too late to change the way I do things in my home as far simplifying things and going back to times of family togetherness, honoring and respecting elders?
When my husband first left, it was all I could do to just to feed my children. I did not train or parent them for years (but I always put in my “church” face) and now I am reaping what I have sowed. My children at home 14,11,10,8 are so nasty to one another and disrespectful towards me. This is so hurtful to my heart because when we set out on this journey to have children together, I was so excited to teach them about Jesus and we would pray together…etc. It has been five years on my own and I have grown tremendously since that abandonment but now my children are the product of my neglect in mothering and training!
I am open to hear anyone willing to share their two cents!! Where do I begin? Is it too late for my 14 yr old son? I love CM and all her philosophy, can I realistically buckle down and get it done?
It’s never too late. But that overwhelming feeling of failure paralyses us, preventing us from changing course.
Start by praying and fasting. Get some direction from God. Start with an apology. Admit your failures, ask for forgiveness. Then begin to work out your repentance. The fruit of your repentance will take awhile for your children to see. They aren’t going to believe you have changed. You have to show them, over and over and over that you will not accept certain behaviors.
If the biggest issue is sibling fighting, then promptly remove outside friends, for a time. Actually, just be too busy doing family things that you have no time for friends. Read them the book “Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends.”
Figure out your consequences before you start. How are you going to handle offenses? I suggest work/chores or push-ups/burpees for kids that age. Always be calm. If you mess up and yell, immediately apologize.
Get involved in service somehow. One day owe week go help someone as a family.
Pray continuously. Find real life support.
You can do this.
Mrs. B
Thank you so much! I just ordered that book “Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends!” I’m praying it helps!! I have written out some consequences for the appropriate age. Being calm is great! I can see myself getting easily discouraged when I am consistent and see no change, that will definitely need prayer and fasting!
A possible punishment is to have the offender do something to make restitution, such as do one of the siblings chores for them.
If two siblings keep going back and forth, give them a joint chore to complete together, such as clean the bathroom. If they fight all the way through that, they get another joint chore. Present it without anger and as an opportunity for them to practice working with others. It will get worse before it is better, but they will catch on.
Another thing I discovered recently is that when my son is in the mood to irritate his sister, sometimes the best thing I can do is ask him nicely to go spend some time somewhere else by himself.
My biggest parenting mistake is discussing issues when I am angry. Things go 100 percent better when I wait until I am calm to have discussions.
Love and Logic . com has some great ideas and resources.
Don’t give up, and ask the kids what would be motivating to them to help everyone learn to get along better, and have a more peaceful home.
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