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Seeking advice on switching to CM for 8th grade only-child
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Hi. I was introduced to CM early in our heretofore eclectic educational journey with our now 14 y/o daughter. Our circumstances led us to a boxed video-based curriculum for two years starting in Third Grade, and a variety of other methods and scenarios up until this point in 8th Grade. I so want to try CM but am not sure if it is too late. I believe that the different things we’ve tried and all the frustration that they have caused, have resulted in a lackadaisical attitude towards learning in my daughter. Not to mention her exposure to things of the world that she now seems to prefer and gravitate towards. Her strong will and belligerence frankly are what make me reluctant. I’m actually afraid that switching to CM and pulling her out of a school for homeschoolers labeled as a UME school (university model of education) where she goes twice a week might just bring about resentment and make a difficult situation even more difficult. She being an only child whose parents are in their mid 50’s have a lot to do with it, I think. At her school, it has now become all about making the grade, and since she is not a self starter and hasn’t developed critical thinking skills, she doesn’t test well. She doesn’t rise to challenges because she doesn’t want to put forth the effort, and her grades show it. I think CMs emphasis on living books and well-rounded instruction is very exciting, but I’m not sure she will be receptive. I fear I might regret it. Will we be better off staying at that school? I fear she really isn’t learning as she could and should, since she seems to have lost that sense of wonder and curiosity. I know that she is bright and capable, just not willing and therefore under-achieving. I would appreciate any advice and prayers. I’d like to add that I wonder if there is a CM group in the Mansfield/Arlington TX area.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm……I don’t think anyone can really answer your questions as it seems you are in a unique situation.
My advice would be to try CM methods for a trial period on the days when you can. See how it goes.
I believe that switching to CM is a great idea at any age! However none of us can predict how your daughter will react or whether or not you will regret your decision.
I switched to homeschooling two years ago when my oldest (son) was entering 7th grade. It was a tough transition. We did Classical Conversations bc I thought that the structure would be good while I was trying to figure out homeschooling. Then I discovered CM methods and it changed everything. I tried out a few things and I went to a Teach Them Diligently conference where I met Sonya and asked her about writing/language arts. I also read a book called Upgrade: 10 Secrets to the Best Education for Your Child by Kevin Swanson. I am actually rereading it now bc I think it’s a great go-to book when I feel burned out/overwhelmed.
Long story short, my son is now in the 8th grade and although I wouldn’t say that he is super excited about learning and jumps up and down or anything (lol), I must tell you that we went from butting heads to being so much closer in our relationship after switching over entirely to CM methods. Reading really good books and slowly moving through Scripture and the accompanying history books about Egypt, etc., using Creating a Masterpiece to learn how to do soft pastels, taking a beautiful day to go geocaching…I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have gone for this “way” of homeschooling.
There are so many options out there and I probably considered every one, but when it comes to a constant focus on the gospel, Scripture and character, this is hands-down the best place for our family to be.
There are a couple of things that helped, too, this year. We participate in a co-op on Mondays so he enjoys gym, art and a science class there. He also participates in football and wrestling on our local public school team (we are in Ohio so by law homeschooled kids must be allowed to participate). The school is only a 6-minute drive but driving him back and forth to practices has given us some good one-on-one time (he is the oldest of six children).
Anyway, just thought I’d share my experience bc I am truly grateful for having decided to homeschool and to use the CM method. Sure, we have hard days and it’s not the easiest way of doing this but I like it and I think he does, too, overall.
Maybe you could ask your daughter. Maybe show her what a CM year could look like by printing out the plans from the SCM recommendations. You could try a couple of things over the spring and summer and see how it goes.
Hope you find peace in your decision.
Since introducing CM methods would be simple, is there any way you could do that on the three days she is home? For example, with her science text, ask her to explain how something works, or what she knows about the topic she just read. Try the same with any literature or reading books. Graded readers can be difficult to narrate because they aren’t living books, but it would be a start. Even the books she’s reading for enjoyment she can narrate. But don’t make it like an assignment. I would say the goal would be her to have conversation with you about the book, and then gradually over a few weeks, start a more formal oral narration.
I would think that starting with oral narration and conversations on her three days home would be the best. You can stick with it until the end of the school year and continue an extra few weeks into the summer to see how it goes. It sounds like your daughter may be frustrated and maybe part of her behavior is based on that? Just an idea.
Many children don’t test well. So if she’s doing poorly on her tests, she may feel discouraged and frustrated. It sounds like maybe the school she is in is not a good fit. Have you talked to her teachers or the administrator about your concerns?
Remember with homeschooling, you are the teacher. And you are the one to guide her education by making the decisions you believe to best for her. Also- you mentioned some worldy influences. Is there any way to eliminate or seriously limit those influences? That would be a great way to start. And I wouldn’t make drastic, sudden changes either. I would start small, and over a period of time, you can realize the goal you have. Patience and persistence will be key with a strong-willed child, but if you can stand your ground, she will be better for it in the end.
Prayers for you as struggle through this. You are not alone- many of us have been through seasons of difficulty. You will get through this!
Also- I’ve read many comments on different groups and social forums about parents pulling their children out of public school- even high school- and using CM methods in their homeschool. It’s not too late to start!!
I think jenni33 has some good ideas for getting started. You ARE the one who should be making the decisions about how you want to school your daughter. I think too it would be good to try what was mentioned in Jenni’s post and see how it goes. If it doesn’t go well at first, don’t give up. She needs to know you are serious, and if she puts up a fuss and you give in, you will have allowed her to undermine your authority. I know, because I have been there.
I don’t have an only child, but schooling my almost 13 yo is like schooling an only child. Her siblings are 30, 28, and 26. The two oldest are married, and the younger is in college. So, I do understand some of what you are dealing with. My daughter does not have a good attitude about school because she struggles, and we changed curriculum so many times in her elementary years to find something that worked, because she would become so frustrated. She has used this flip-flopping to try to manipulate and get out of doing some of her work. Now that I understand better what is going on with her, I am determined to keep moving forward with what we are doing, modifying when needed, but not dropping things because ‘they are too hard’.
My daughter loves being with other kids. We had been in a homeschool group, but this year I did not join. So, I have been trying to find other ways for her to spend time with other homeschoolers. So, I do recommend finding a good homeschool group to join if you pull your daughter out of the school she is in now. I know the worldly influences are hard to get away from, even in Christian groups. That is why I have really been focusing on character training. I have a strong-willed daughter, who is easily influenced. CM is strong in character training:) Having like-minded families with whom you can spend time would be important.
Thank you for the very specific and helpful advice. I have been researching about living books, as a matter of fact, with a view to trying out narration in the next several weeks. I chanced upon Sheila Carroll’s Living Books Curriculum website and also found links to Yesterday’s Classics and Nothing New press. I really liked some of the titles and book samples I saw on some of these sites and think my daughter might enjoy these books. I have tried having her narrate from her science and history textbooks, but with no success. Understandably, as these are but flat and boring textbooks. And I know she loves a good story.
We have been tying to limit her radio time, and try to listen to classical music in the car, or to preaching, allowing for only a limited amount of time on contemporary Christian music, and almost no time to secular music, which sadly she seems to fancy. We cannot isolate her from these types, as everywhere we go, as you know, that stuff is on the air everywhere. Such is the nature of the Beast. Even with TV–we mainly watch public TV, news, Create, and Christian TV for good preaching and any family movies they air. We don’t go to the movies either. But then when you go to some family restaurants, that Tv is there too.
In terms of clothing, we are not trendy but stick with the timeless classic and stylish mode of dress. We mainly try to instill in her that modesty and decency, and guarding ourselves that we do not call attention to ourselves by the way we dress, are what the Lord seeks from us as women who want to glorify Him. We also limit and monitor her use of social media and the Internet on a desktop computer in the kitchen, and on her little tablet, which we only bring out for her to use during family devotions. Rather than restricting her little by little, we have rather gone the opposite direction, by giving her freedoms little by little, corresponding to any evidences of maturity and responsibility in using these freedoms. She resists and fusses at the limits, and throws tantrums, but we have not given in. And surely that has helped her more than meets the eye for now.
I think that trying to use CM will yield good cause for us to continue on that new path. I was so excited and ready to plan on it, and so I broached the idea to my dear husband. While he thought it sounds real good, he was concerned that our people-person of a child needs to be with other kids, and that her being with me all day everyday would not be good for her. Nor for me, I suppose. So, in order to set her back on the right track as concerns her character, he supports the idea of a trial period, just as y’all prescribe, but also pre-enrolling for next school year before next week’s deadline, lest we lose our spot to another family on the very long wait list. Personally, I believe that setting her back on track could begin to happen during this trial period, but putting her back in school in the fall might just serve to undo our efforts and render them futile, because chard tear is developed over time, and needs, as jenni33 says, “patience and persistence”, and consistency over the long haul, to KEEP her on that right track. It will take much longer than a couple months to achieve that goal.
Anyhow, pre-enroll her will I do, as the Lord has commanded me to submit. I pray that our trial period will prove to my family, by the grace and with the help of God, that the benefits of this very different path and philosophy are worth any challenges the transition may well entail. No matter the outcome, though, I have to make an effort to trust Him every day that He can and will sovereignty direct our steps because He, more than I, longs for the best for our child. And He is able to accomplish His will despite the obstacles. Now if we do end up pulling her out of school and using CM, whether for next school year or for later, I am comforted and thrilled to know that y’all are there as His expert, kind, generous and very willing help to me and my family along this blessed journey.
As for connecting with other home schoolers, I haven’t had much success in the past. But I think it’s because I wasn’t ready. I think that God has allowed me to get to this point, all the while slowly opening my eyes to what my daughter needs, and finally alerting me to my own obstinacy which was causing me to pursue only what I wanted, as if she needed to be in my shoes and not vice-versa. I envisioned her becoming someone like me, who therefore had to learn like me. NOT!!! The results are short of devastating, but because of Christ, I have hope, and I believe that all is not lost. His grace is sufficient for me and for my daughter 🙂
I was thinking of opening up my home to a reading club for home schoolers my daughter’s age. And just maybe, I could kill more than two birds with one stone! Maybe I can start by getting a couple of living books and us going through them and practicing narration, dictation and copy work with them and seeing how that goes. And maybe over the summer, we might invite other homeschoolers we know from the school or from an area homeschooling e-group I belong to and hopefully in the process, make some really good family friends. I read about someone who said, “If you can’t find a group, start one!” What do you suggest by way of books, or of anything else?
I think you’re moving in a positive direction. Starting a group sounds like a great idea, but do some searching to see if there is anything organized near you first. I’m not sure what specific books to recommend, but given your daughter’s attitude toward your rules, I would definitely make character/Bible study the priority. Through study and prayer, you want to help her develop an obedient heart toward you and your husband. Otherwise, changing to CM is not going to make a difference. Here is a link to Rick and Marilyn Boyer’s Character Concepts curriculum. Maybe you are familiar with it. http://characterconcepts.com/store/ There are others out there, but the Boyers have a lot of choices. My friend wanted something on Proverbs for her 9th grader, and it just so happened they have one on Proverbs for high schoolers. So, maybe something like this would be a good addition. Just an idea. But, as I have come to realize with my daughter, I need to know that Jesus has her heart and that she has a desire to know His Word and obey it, or schooling her will be a waste of time. Praying for you on your journey.
Thank you for the very helpful and very specific advice. I was thinking along the same lines as far as introducing living books in the coming weeks and through the summer – I had chanced upon livingbooks.com and discovered links to other websites that have samples of living books and other resources especially for History. Like Yesterday’s Classics, and Nothing New. I think my daughter will like those, and might even enjoy narrating from some of them. I have tried asking her to narrate some of what she’s learning in her Science and History at school, but she does have a hard time. Surely she has learned some things, but I don’t believe they speak to her, much less stimulate her thinking. Understandably, since they are flat and boring textbooks, and especially since her analytical/critical thinking is thus far a bit slow to emerge. Plus, she is easily distract-able to begin with.
The worldly influences stem mainly from the radio. Piped in music even at craft stores, restaurants sometimes. At home, I’ve asked her to listen to just as much classical music for every half hour of Christian/secular music she listens to, but I find it very hard to monitor what she tunes in to when I’m doing housework. I thought I might remove her clock radio and just get her an alarm clock only. We don’t go to the movies, and are watching hardly any TV except for public TV, news, preaching, and Create, but wherever you go, even to family places, there’s always something on their TV monitors that have unfortunately seemed to strike her fancy. The clothing, the make up, it’s just everywhere, the teen idols, the gossipy talk, and she sadly gravitates towards that stuff. I can’t help all of that, given that although we are not of the world, we are in it. So we try to instill in her that trends and fashions will fade, but the Lord commands us to love modesty and decency as women who want to glorify Him. I also try to lead by example, sticking to timeless classic styles. Also, we have not given her a cell phone, and we monitor and set limits on her computer and tablet use. Most of all, I pray that her heart would be drawn by the Lord to Himself and away from the world.
One hurdle that I have run into of late is very close to home. I have broached the idea to my husband about CM’s philosophy and method of education, and while he likes the sound of it, he doesn’t think it will work. He says that she needs to be with other kids, and that having her by herself even with the greatest method, would not be good for her, as she is very much a people person. I said we would find other homeschooling families, knowing that the Lord would confirm our choice by connecting us with like-minded folks. Frankly I’ve already tried but have so far not been able to make any connections, so honestly I have a bit of the same concern about that aspect. He therefore told me to do the very thing that y’all have advised, and that is to try it and see how it goes, but also to go ahead and pre-enroll our child for next school year at her school, lest our spot be given to someone on the long waiting list. And that will I do.
I’m hoping that this trial period will prove to my family that it is all worth any challenges the transition to this new and very different path of CM will likely entail. I want my daughter to love learning for the rest of her life, and I know I can trust our Lord to strengthen us for the journeying achieving that. I know that, more than I do, He wants what’s best for our family. I should also be willing to trust Him to work in my husband’s heart. If I end up having to keep my daughter in her school, I know that I can trust in God’s sovereignty and that He will make all of this work together for her and our good, and for His glory. I have to be honest, my husband is also very stubborn, and it would be a miracle if he decides in favor of the change.
If we do end up pulling her out of the school and going CM all the way, I am comforted by the fact that I have all of you experts out there who are so kind and generous with your help, support and advice. A virtual family indeed. I’m really praying for a group of CM home schooling families in this area that can become our lifelong friends. Is there anyone out there who live in the Mansfield/Arlington TX area? If you know of anyone in this area but who might not be in this forum, let them know we’re looking. And if you’re not familiar with the name of our city, it might help you to know that this is in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.
I just thought of something….what if I open up my home to home schoolers for a reading or book club? That might kill two or more birds with one stone!
Cristina,
It sounds like you are definitely on the right path. You’ve got some great ideas, so just keep plugging away. I have a daughter who can be argumentative at times as well, and someone in a facebook group recommended a book to me about parenting the teen years called “Age of Opportunity” by Paul David Tripp. I ordered it and it just came in the mail so I haven’t dug into it yet, but it looks good. Thought I would pass that onto you.As far as reading lists go, check out the book “Honey for a Teen’s Heart”. There are quite few good selections in this book, sorted out by genre. Jolanthe as Homeschool Creations has her reading lists published for her children that they use each year. She compiles a great list based on literature curricula like Reading Raodmaps, and Excellence in Literature.
For social opportunities, we allow our 12 year old daughter to participate in middle school youth group (our church is small, and the middle school youth group has about 6 kids in it, all homeschooled at this time). She loves that. We also participate in Keepers at Home, 4H, and we will be back in a co-op next year. The co-op we belong to will be mainly for fun classes- art, games, geography, sewing, baking, physical fitness, music, etc. and meets only on Friday mornings. Is there a group in your area that works that way? That would still give her a social opportunity, while affording you the right to pick her curriculum and homeschool style yourself. Just an idea.
Praying for you as make these transitions! God will lead you in the direction you should go.
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