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Screamers
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Ok.. I kinda mentioned this in my last post but thought I wiould write it up as it’s own. I have a “screamer” who is 18 mo and has been doing this for a few months now. Now I know there are times when it happens more and I’m not oblivious to that: hungry, wet, tired, etc. But my dd does it when someone is invading her space, when they take things from her, when she wants something, when I’m not right in eye sight, etc. etc.
I know her vocabulary just isn’t there and I’m sure if she could talk this would be WAY less of a problem, but right now it’s driving me NUTS. So any thoughts or idea’s on what you’ve done or are doing to help curb this habit during this transitional time of speach? It’s really unacceptable even though she’s young. BECAUSE as she does get older I don’t want her to have been trained that screaming gets her what she wants. Which if this keeps up is exactly what I think I’m going to be doing.
Thanks for any thoughts, advice, or wisdom. Blessings Misty
Have you tried baby sign language? It helped our girls communicate their needs as 1 and 2 yr olds until they could talk more clearly. The simplest signs to begin with are “please,” “more,” “thank you,” then you could work on signs for toys, tired, wet etc. Toddlers do get very frustrated easily with their big feelings but lack of communication! I would say we don’t scream. Tell mommy how you feel. Then show the sign for “wet.” Say (Sign/wet) when you are wet. Then move her hand to do the sign. I bet she’ll catch on quickly!
Tara
I strongly second the recommendation for baby sign language! It has been wonderful for all of my kids! They can communicate long before they can talk! There are some Baby Signing Time and regular Signing Time videos that are great and possibly available at the library. You can also just make up your own signs, as long as you both know what’s being said, that’s what counts!
Now, even with sign language, we had one who would squeal for no apparent reason (happy, frustrated, bored, etc.). My husband joked that his testosterone level built up and he just had to let off some steam
– LOL! Fortunately, he outgrew this by about 2 or 2.5, but I don’t think anything we tried curbed it any faster. Blessings,
Christie
I don’t recall having a screamer at my house, but I’m in charge of the “Nursery class” at my church. The kids come in at 18 months and leave after they turn three. I have 12 of them right now. There are a few that are like that a little. I just told them that we don’t scream in the nursery. That’s against the rules and it bothers people. When they do it I ignore it or say something matter of factly, like repeating that it’s against the rules. Otherwise I ignore them and it really has helped.
Good luck.
I third the recommendation for sign language. The Signing Time DVDs are great for this.
My youngest, who is now 3, did the screaming thing when he was about your child’s age. He did not have much language at the time and was screaming out of frustration. The Sign Language gave him the “voice” he needed until he learned to speak the words. He still loves to sign for fun now!
Nanci
Before having children, I remember being impressed by my sister who would respond in a loving way to small children with “Oh, let’s use the beautiful voice God gave you.” or “God gave you such a beautiful voice – let’s use that one.”
Of course, this doesn’t take the place of our being led by and cooperating with God’s voice in each situation with each child. I agree with the women above that we need to give our children the tools to succeed, whether through signing or the example that they too can be led by and empowered of God.
One of my favorite practical tools is Laying Down the Rails and the appendix where Sonya has made a checklist of CM’s to help us be intentional in our parenting.
Best,
Richele
I have a few screamers – and yes, it can drive me completely bonkers too. I’m one more for trying the sign language. I have twin 3yos that are very delayed in their speech. I did sign language for simple things with all my children, but it helped these two much better than my first (who spoke complete paragraphs at 15 mo!). They continue to use their signs for things even as they have added some words. They are still screamers, which I agree is not acceptable at all. It is very annoying and hard to keep my own self control at times. What I usually do when they are screaming (with many deep breaths preceding) is let them know that I really want to help them, but I cannot understand them when they are screaming “please use a calm voice and I will help you.” I always tell them that screaming is not acceptable and they need to have self control – while I know a lot of this is not something they fully understand I feel I’m putting that vocabulary there to build on. When they are screaming at their brother, I usually tell them to “let’s try that again with a kind voice” and we always discuss how a “soft answer turns away wrath” in others as well as ourselves (again, sometimes over their head, but hopefully they will understand it more as they get older). If it is something where they are frustrated I ask them to calm down and show me if they can’t say it. The main thing that is the hardest for me, but the most effective when I do it, is to keep MY self control and remember that they are little, I need to be patient, and that they don’t always understand HOW to get their self control in certain situations. I have to do a lot of walking them through the right things to say and do. It takes more time, but seems to be a better result than just responding to their frustration with more frustration.
Hi Misty,
We have a screamer at the moment also. He is two, very speech delayed with a hot temper (and many young siblings to try and get along with).
I second the baby sign language. If you decide to use it, I recommend you ensure she knows that she needs to get your attention before making the sign. Otherwise you can end up with a child following you around making signs behind your back and becoming crosser and crosser when there is no response.
With our little guy, we have had to use many of the tactics already suggested. I remind him to speak in a gentle voice, and give him examples of what he could say (he really doesn’t speak, but at least his manner becomes gentler). Anyone old enough tries to intervene in a situation before it gets to the point of screaming for him (reminding the other kids about sharing, etc).
He used to try screaming to get something that he wanted, due to lack of words. If it would help, you could make a poster board with pictures of things that she commonly wants. Then she could just show you on the poster board until she can say it. That helped with our boy. Now that he is bigger he will usually just take me to what he needs. I would recommend you do not give in to the screaming. My forty-something year old sister was never parented out of it, and still throws a tantrum to get what she wants…… 😉
If I hear a scream, when possible I go immediately to see what can be done. If we get to a few screams, it pretty much has to become corner time because his temper is lost by then and there is no reasoning. He stays there until calmed down (doesn’t take long anymore) then we deal with whatever was happening.
I guess what I’m trying to say is give her the best possible opportunities to succeed, set a standard of behaviour, and don’t settle for anything less. It is a bit of work to change a bad habit, but the rewards are worth the time invested.
Gaeleen
Thanks ladies, I did request a couple videos and books on sign lang. for toddlers and hope to incorporate that. I do give my little girl a chair to sit in until she stops or I set her on her bed. Then I scoop up and give her praise for stopping.
I do like the idea of a poster board also, that seems like a good way to also but pictures with words. I might have to try that. Thanks again, as always new and great ideas. Misty
Oh my gosh, my youngest is 19 months and is the exact same way! He has this SCREECH that just makes me want to rip my ears out. I think part of it is that he’s always been sort of zero-to-screaming (with no in-between), so we always gave him what he wanted (picked him up, nursed him, etc.) just to make it stop, lol! Now that he’s capable of asking in other ways, I try not to respond to the screaming and just direct him to ask me in another way, either with words or signs. Most of the time, he responds, and the screeching seems to be lessening.
(Of course, this doesn’t help with his melodramatic screaming when he’s just PO’d in general … but my older son was a lot like this at the same age, so I’m guessing it’s just a phase.)
– LOL! Fortunately, he outgrew this by about 2 or 2.5, but I don’t think anything we tried curbed it any faster. 
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