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Scared and Overwhelmed
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Hello my name is Deanna. This SCM community Forum is a Blessing!!! I came across the “I am sooo lost” topic which is a bit of how I am feeling, yet I have not even started hs my children yet. I have 3 boys 7,9 & 11. They have been in public school from day one. We live in Laurel, MT but moved from Orange, CA in 2006. Before they started public school I considered hs but I just felt like I would be spreading myself to thin, (I prayed about it) but thought I am only one person. So that contributed to my decision in not hs my boys. They have all done quite well in the public system but my middle son(9)is delayed in how he processes everything, he was never labled with any disability but does have learning disabilities which I believe were caused at birth. I have been considering hs him after school is out in May/2009. Some days I think yes and than other days I think no. I keep praying about it and I know in my heart that I want to.
So in reading the above topic from Toni and reading the responses from Cindy, Misty and Trish brought tears to my eyes. You all are a blessing and God is good. The encouragement and time you take to answer back to us moms who are feeling lost, stressed and many other emotions just helps in my case, to clarify what it is I really want for my kids and it has been the same since the day I brought them home from the hospital. “Success,” in life for my kids is to love and serve the Lord.
You have helped in me deciding what to do. So come May I will start with hs my 9 year old. I will be talking with you again. Praise God for this forum! Thank you for
listening.
Love,
Deanna
I don’t really have any great advice for you Deanna. I wish I did. I am unfortunately – or fortunately – right there with you! We have Blessings who have yet to even reach K age – but – schooling and the topic of homeschooling has been an ever-present discussion since the Blessings were little. I have been lurking here on SCM for a while. I have been learning all that I can. I am accumulating educational supplies and textbooks – and one day I am total HS positive and another day – I am not so sure. We have been doing a lot of educational activities since my first BLESSING was born – so consequently – she can read already and Blessing #2 isn’t far behind. But even though I have a masters degree and my BELOVED has a doctorate – the thought of plunging into homeschooling full time – is like hitting a HUGE FEARFUL wall that it seems MASSIVELY INTIMIDATING!!!!! There are sooo many wonderful resources though – and I think once the plunge is achieved from partial or supplemental Hs – to full HS – it will in fact be a HUGE blessing to our family. Please know that I feel your pain – though! Perhaps we can spurn one another on through this adventure! Blessings! Renee
Dear ladies, you are a blessing and, possibly unbeknown to you, are spurring me on to love and good works. In particular, I would love to address this topic of fear — whether in some blog posts or an article or just here on the forum, I don’t know yet. But fear can be a real issue and, as you said, a huge factor in homeschooling.
It doesn’t matter whether you are facing the decision of starting to homeschool, or facing a challenge during your first years of homeschooling, or encountering an unexpected obstacle after you thought you had “seen it all” over the multiple years of homeschooling. The bottom line is that we homeschool moms often fight fear.
I would love to hear from both of you and from everybody else about what specific fears are racing through your minds. What fears are you facing at this season of homeschooling? Can you put them into words? For example, I’m afraid I’ll ruin my child. Or, I’m afraid my child won’t be able to get into college. Or, what . . . ? Let’s name these fears and discuss and pray about them.
Since you asked, Sonya, I’ll be gut-wrenchingly honest. We’ve been homeschooling 8 years and I have 4 children. My fears are that I will do my children a disservice because I poop out too easily during the day and don’t get to all that I wanted. I’m afraid I didn’t push enough. Then I’m afraid all I ever do is bark out orders. I get afraid that this is way too much for me to do along with the housework. I’m afraid my children will rebel and go haywire out in the world (this happened to our previous pastor’s children and it scares me to death).
When I wake up each morning, I plead for grace. It just feels like so much responsibility on me constantly and like so much is dependent on me and I am so flawed! I feel a crushing weight of all I need to do, each child beckoning me for attention, so many attitudes that I didn’t get to address in the children, each one wanting me but not one satisfied…it’s alot. The constant needs of my family (even hubby) 24/7 just seems like more than I have in me to give. In the morning I wake up and think, I have to do this again? Why hasn’t that sunken in yet? Why does it still feel like something I have to psych myself up for?
To put it in perspective, I am eternally grateful to God that He led us to homeschool. I literally think it has saved our family. I love teaching. I love reading books with my kids. I love being home. We’ve always done things CM friendly. We are not extremely scholarly. We travel with dh often. I do have chronic fatigue and this may be adding to my feelings. I don’t feel this way all the time, but when I do feel fear start creeping in, these are the areas of attack! Of course, I have appropriate verses for my “ammunition” that keep me going, especially His grace is sufficient!
Also, I think the computer is a constant distraction/drain/blessing. I think of my days with 3 children under 5 before we had a computer, and my days were more peaceful and manageable. I wasn’t homeschooling then though. I don’t know what I would do without the computer as it is a huge source of information and encouragement for me, but it also adds to my inability to keep on top of things. Does that make sense? I guess that’s a totally separate issue….
Anyways, for the sake of research I have shared my heart (and because Sonya is so sweet!). I hope I’m not the only one!!!
Blessings,
Betty
Betty,
Our hearts must be united because all you shared is mine as well. Hearing you took the loneliness away, but I’m sorry that I’m not the only one with these feelings sometimes: the fear of children rebelling, the 24/7, and the threat of becoming a computer junkie (although, I’ve managed to nip this one fairly well because it was consuming me – scary, very scary – but like you said, there’s a tremendous wealth of information/resources that just caaaalllllssss out to me very quietly). When I succomb to these different fears, I begin to question everything in my life.
I am convinced that our family is called to homeschool, but I tend to forget that the calling was not to raise geniuses, but instead to raise children of God.
Every good thing has it’s challenges, and what we do certainly has its share.
(hugs and prayers)
Ladies,
Thanks for just putting your feelings out there like that. I really appreciate the honesty. At least once, usually twice a school year I have an absolute freak out session. I’m convinced I’m going to ruin my kiddos. They won’t be able to function as adults. They’ll be behind their peers and perhaps not be able to do the things God has designed them to do (I have one who has a great apptitude for science related things) because I of my lack of diligence in teaching certain subjects. I’m worried that they won’t be able to get jobs or be productive. I’m even worried that I’m sheltering them too much and they might be self-righteous about their lack of bad choices (and I’m really hoping that there will be a lack in certain choices).
All of this is to say, Sonya, I think you nailed it right on the head. Fear. When I feel like this it is an attack of the enemy and not from God. I’d love to hear a post on how other people respond to these things. I usually freak out, dump it on my husband, and we pray together. He reminds me of the truth… God is sovereign. He gave us our children for a reason and he called us to homeschool for a reason. He will deliver us. If you don’t have anyone to tell you the truth… write me. I’d love to remind you of God’s love and tender care of you and your children.
Jen
Oh, Jen! You did just the right thing! Our husbands are equipped to ‘live with us in knowledge’ and running to them with our fears is just the right thing. Yes, we fly to God, but I’m learning that we also can have no corner of our hearts hidden from our husbands if we intend to have a ‘marriage made in heaven’! What an example you’ve been for me today!
I think that us (we?) women, especially, are susceptible to fear (the author of fear knows it, too, unfortunately). I *try* to meet trials with Romans 1, giving thanks and honoring God as God. The first thing that comes to mind is to thank God for making us sensitive. Praise Him that we’re normal. Thank Him that we care about our children. Thank Him that, now that we are paralyzed with fear (or being overwhelmed, or confusion, or….), He can be strong and mighty in us.
Then surrender! Tell God, I give up! This involves absolute surrender to a holy God. Surrender is a continuous pursuit. Always be asking, “Have I surrendered in this area?” Surrender means believing my God can be trusted, choosing to trust Him, acknowledging a holy path designed for me, and choosing to walk in that path.
There was a time that I came to expect a bought with fear annually (at about the time all the new catalogs started showing up:)). It showed up as confusion for me, but I think it’s all the same. I may have said this before here and so I apologize, but I eventually did a word study on confusion and found that in the OT there was only one instance where the word translated as ‘confusion’ actually meant confusion as you and I understand it. Everywhere else the root word is defined as ‘disgrace.’ That was sobering, as I realized that I was actually living in disgrace, searching for man-made solutions to accomplishing the holy occupation of motherhood.
So I think, in the end, what helps me is to recognize the author of fear and resist him by thanking God and honoring God as God. Then quietness and prayer with much patience (God’s school year does not always start on the same day we think it should). I am convinced that if we are diligent to pray, search the scriptures, pray again, and wait on the Lord, He will give us answers that we never dreamed of. After all, He does promise that as we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart! What a promise!!
Blessings,
Cindy
Wow…I have the same issues you all have listed and to top it off, we just moved and are dealing with the emotions that go along with this transition. We miss our friends, hs support group, church, etc. We drive past the ‘ole public school and I watch my kids peer out the window of the van at all the children playing on the play ground…of course you know what thoughts enter my mind then..
It really doesn’t take much for me to tail spin into these negative thought patterns since we’ve moved. Also we’re closer to my parents, who support us homeschooling, but don’t understand why we want to do it the CM way instead of the traditional way. A lot of times I feel like it’s me against the world and honestly I don’t have the energy!!
I would love to hear ideas on how to nip these negative thought patterns before they blossom into the ugliness of depression, which then leads to the guilt feeling of not having enough faith. It’s such a vicious cycle, isn’t it?
I’m lifting up a prayer for all of us hs families, that God will cover us all with His peace and joy.
MJ
My friends,
The Lord has been working His Word into my heart during the months since this discussion began. Through a series of events (that I can’t even recall completely now), He led me to Moses at the burning bush, and showed me how Moses presented to God many of the same fears we mentioned. The fear of what God might be calling us to do, the fear of being inadequate for the job, the fear of “But what if?”, the fear of rejection and ridicule, the fear of our weak areas ruining everything — they’re all there. And God graciously responded to each of those fears, one by one. It’s a wonderfully encouraging study!
Earlier this month I had the opportunity to share with a group of ladies what God was teaching me in that passage, and we were able to record it. I’d love to send each of you who took part in this discussion a free copy of that presentation. It was your honesty and transparency that made this Scripture come alive, and I’m excited to see how God will be glorified as His answers to these fears speak to our hearts.
You are on the recording, known as my “online friends,” and I mention a few of your comments (anonymously) too. I wish you could have seen the ladies’ faces as they related to your comments and nodded in agreement. Your transparency is being used of God to minister to other homeschool moms! It’s exciting, and I’ll be in touch with each of you to make sure you get your copy of this new workshop, “Looking Past the Fear.”
Dearest Sonya,
What a wonderful gift …. your talents and your endless generosity! Thank you – I look forward to listening!
In Christ,
Rebecca
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