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Reminding
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I have another “habits” type question. My ds is 2.5. I have tried various methods of discipline to get him to remember “the rules” with no real success. My current example is that I don’t want him playing on the treadmill so I’ve told him he is not to touch it and must stay away from it. (it is in the living room – the only place it fits) The problem is that several times a day he plays on it which usually entails things such as driving a toy car on the edge of it and sitting on it. I don’t want him to get used to playing on it because if he did that while it was on, he could get hurt and I don’t trust his judgment to “only touch it when it won’t hurt him”. Also I don’t want him to tear it up. But the problem isn’t so much that he touches it as much as the realization that I will be reminding him several times a day to get away from it and for how long until he remembers on his own? Should I be handling it a different way or is he just too young to remember house rules like that? Maybe I need more toys in the living room for him or something? (he’s free to bring toys into the living room but their storage space is his room) I’m just not sure what to do and the treadmill is just one example. I find myself repeating the same general house rules over and over from day to day. He’s not into everything though. When he was younger it seemed he just had to touch and climb everything. So it seems like he’s got a sense of the rules and boundaries but has these “lapses”. Help?
Oh and one more thing… I can say, “what are you doing wrong?” and he’ll say “playing on the treadmill.” I can look him in the eye and tell him not to touch it and he looks at me and says, “yes, mommy.” he sounds so compliant and submissive but I know give him a few hours and he’ll wander back over to it. So it doesn’t seem defiant as much as… I don’t know! Ugh…
Coming at it from a purely “habit” point of view, the more he is playing on the treadmill, the more he is forming the habit of playing on the treadmill. And the more he forms the habit of playing on it, the harder it will be to change that habit.
He’s not too young to remember, because he can quote the rule to you when you ask. He knows. It sounds like you need to apply some consequences to help him want to leave the treadmill alone and form a different habit.
Yes, it is typical 2 yr. old behavior, but he’s being trained just the same either to obey or not. My main suggestion is that when he brings the toy out to begin with, have him look at you, ask him what the rule is regarding using toys on the treadmill. When he answers you that he knows (which he does), inform him then that if he chooses to disobey mommy (“if you choose to put your toy on the …”) the toy is gone; “now make the right choice and obey mommy” (he is making a choice even at 2.5).
Don’t wander off too far; Keep a close eye on him and when he begins to play on it, walk up and tell him “remember what mommy said if you disobeyed the rules (or in 2 yr. old language-mommy said no toys on the…., you disobeyed) and take the toy for the day (preferably asking for it and him handing it over willingly, you really don’t want a tug of war; if he says “no” when you ask then you’ll have to deal with that). Make sure you follow through and don’t remind him. He’ll definitely do it again and you need to follow through; without any more chances, that will completely undermine your authority and even worse-your validity of your word. He needs to know that you mean what you say. After a few times of this (and consecutive days) and I think he will stop. In the beginning of this new direction in trianing, ask him what the rule is and the consequence, with each new toy he brings out.
Rachel
I agree that there need to be consequences at this point. It sounds to me like he is deliberately testing you on this issue. I think a 2yo is capable of knowing he cannot play on the treadmill. I would start when he wakes up before he has had a chance to play on it and tell him, “There is not going to be any more playing on the treadmill. If you do” I will spank you, give you a time out, take away your toy or whatever punishment you think will be most effective. And then when he does it (and he will) give the punishment right away with no warnings. He has already been warned in the morning; he doens’t need any mroe warnings. Just tell him, “you chose to play on the treadmill so now you are” losing your toy for the day or whatever the punishment is. Be prepared to do this mnay times the first day but I bet it won;t take many days till it is not an issue anymore.
I absolutely agree with nebby. I’ve been the teacher for the 2 year olds at my church for a year, and I’ve been able to train them not to do certain things. I taught them what was expected and disciplined them every time they did something they had been told not to do (like screaming or whining). You can’t have 12 two year olds screaming and whining for an hour. They knew what I expected, and they usually did it. I think it also helped to know I love them, but I wasn’t going to take any guff from them.
Good luck!
You can try the ‘if/then’ method.
‘If you opey what you’ve been told, then you can play with your toys.’
….then you can play at all.
Fill in the blank with what will actually ‘hurt’ to make the point felt and to get it across.
If you get a chance, read or listen to some Love and Logic tapes or books. I think they are wonderful and make so much sense. Another book people rave about is Tedd Tripp’s ‘Shepherding a child’s heart’. I just received it but have yet to read it, but hear it deals with the heart and not just the outward actions.
Yo
Thanks! I’m trying to figure out what consequences to use because I don’t want to spank. Some books suggest you have to spank but I don’t know. Sigh. I’m torn up over it and keep changing my style between spanking and not. Right now we’re not. It just seems like when I try to find other ways to discipline besides spanking the methods seem really passive. This is one confused and distraught mommy of her first child!
Ted Tripp also has a new book, a sequel, so to speak, called “Instructing a Child’s Heart”.
I highly recommend John Rosemond’s Making the Terrible Two’s Terrific”, “Parent Power”, etc. at http://www.rosemond.com/
and Ginger Plowman’s “Don’t Make me Count to Three”http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Make-Count-Three-Heart-Oriented/dp/0972304649/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288657135&sr=8-1
Rachel
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