rejecting "youth group" : those who have chime in

I feel exactly the same way.  My kids are young still, but I am not a fan of youth groups after being a youth leader when I was younger.  I’m interested in what others say.

We’ve handled children’s church and youth group as Mrs. B suggests above. We simply tell people that we choose to worship together as a family and they smile (in a very forced manner) and walk away. 🙂

I did end up allowing my son attend youth group when he was a senior in high school because he was so desperate to meet other kids. It was a huge mistake. Nothing horrible happened but no good came out of it either. I won’t make that mistake with my daughter!

I don’t know the dynamics of your church but I wouldn’t think one would need to respond or offer any sort of explanation. But on the other hand, I think it is not bad to give one if you feel up to doing so. For us it is about having our kids be part of worship. IMO they are God’s people too and the command is just as much for them to worship on the Sabbath as anyone else. Interacting with and learning from people of all ages is an added bonus.

I agree. They should’ve wise enough to not question children. But our oldest has had youth pastors question him. At his age, I allow him to speak for himself, but with younger kids, I give them a pat answer, like “My parents like it this way.” I don’t want my middle schoolers or below engaging or becoming prideful by speaking in judgement about something like this. Older kids, I want them to be able to articulate our beliefs and adopt them, so we do lots of role playing and discussing. I do lots of discussing with middles too, but in a way that will not lead to pride or judgement, does that make sense? I don’t want them answering a question with,”Youth group is evil!!” Or something like that.

This is an interesting thread.  I respect Rachel’s decision, as well as her choice to not go into her reasons for opting out of Youth Group, as well as not turning this into a debate, which I am sure it good under the right circumstances.

I would not feel that any formal response to the invite was needed, but I think you are trying to make sure that they don’t interpret a lack of interest in regular participation means that you don’t what your teen(s) to be excluded from all youth related activities.

Unless your church insists on some kind of yearly commitment from their youth (like enrolling in scouts or dance lessons, etc) I hardly think that your request should cause much issue.  Most youth groups have a pretty open policy allowing kids to participate when they wish or when it is convenient.  I simple, “thanks for the invite, Joe won’t be participating on a regular basis, but we’d really like for him to have opportunity to participate in  x, y and z.” should suffice.  The one thing about face-to-face is that you get an immediate response, where it can sometimes take a few days to respond to an email, or it could be accidentally overlooked.

From the sounds of it many of you have children and youth ministries happening during your service time.  At our church children are with their families for worship and are dismissed right before the message, giving children birth to grade 8 about one hour of teaching at their own level.  My younger son gets very little out of the adult’s message, and I get less out of it when he is sitting next to me fidgeting (every member of our family has some level of ADD, including me).  Allowing him to participate in his Sunday morning Small Group during that final hour of our service provides us both with age appropriate spiritual nourishment, and it also provides an opportunity for other adults to speak truth into his life.

I am interested in the topic because I am skeptical about the value of our traditional Friday Night Youth Group for my son. He certainly enjoys the social aspect, and for our homeschoolers (about a 1/3 of our youth this year) it’s often their only social event all week.  This past year it has really lacked leadership, as well as a focus on anything beyond fun and foolishness, and something needs to change.

I can’t image that your son would be excluded from participating in only the events that you mentioned.  I am not sure how your church is structured, but our youth group is a pretty much a participate in the things that you wish and leave the rest.  For some, this means they only participate in the Friday Night Youth Group which is open to all the kids in the community, for others they may participate only in the Small Group Studies which are for kids who are serious about growing in their faith.  Mission/service projects will occasionally be limited to the Small Group Youth if it is a question of space or security, but local events/project are generally open to anyone who wishes to participate.

Our church keeps the children and youth with their families during worship.  Birth to 8th grade are dismissed for the message (about the last hour of our service), for which I am personally grateful.  It is difficult enough for this ADD mom to focus on the message when my boys are fidgeting in the seat next to me.  Instead they go to their own small group where they receive age appropriate instruction and the opportunity to engage with an additional adult role model.

Participating in these small groups on Sunday mornings is a blessing to me, but Youth — or at least Friday Night youth Group, is different.  About a third of the children & youth in our rural church are homeschooled and that means that Friday Nights are often their only opportunity to socialize.  But this past year the Friday Night Group has experienced a leadership issue — the volunteer leader lacked experience and maturity which has been a big disappointment to us parents.  We know that our Pastors are making efforts to address this for the coming year, but it still leaves me with a few major concerns as to the value of Youth Group in general.

MissusLeata-That’s awful! I’m so sorry to hear of churches making rules such as that. What a sad day when babies aren’t welcomed to be with their mommas where they belong-in CHURCH of all places! Praying God will lead your family to the right body of believers.