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Regretting my decision to send one child back to school while homeschooling the other!!!
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This is my first year homeschooling and we are in week 4, although we informally started schooling at the beginning of July to get ahead (I will be having a baby in a couple of weeks and we want to take some time off). I decided to homeschool DS8 last year, because he was in second grade (in a public charter school… a classical education academy) and although I loved the school, He always came home with sooooo much homework that it took us almost 2 hours to do it most evenings and we both hated it. I kept thinking, “I could do teach him all of these things in 2 hours a day rather than having to work with him in the evenings after he has already spent the whole day in school!” I felt like when he got home he should play and relax and do family chores rather than all the busywork they send home. My husband and I decided that we would homeschool him and I am glad we made that choice.
BUT. My DS7 was in first grade last year, loved it, had no problem doing his homework quickly and when we suggested homeschooling he wasn’t at all interested. Furthermore, he refused to be part of the homeschooling we did during the summer. In general, he is my more challenging and less compliant child, so when he said he wanted to go back to school I thought it would be a good idea, because he was very happy there and then I could ease into it with my older son and see if it worked for us.
Well, it does work for us. I love it! The more I learn about and apply a Charlotte Mason style the more we enjoy our schooltime each day and I find it very rewarding and enjoyable. Teaching DS for 4 hours each morning is so much less stressful than helping him do “busywork” homework for 2 hours in the evenings. But the problem now is that I am doing both. Now that DS7 is in 2nd grade he is coming home with more work and he dawdles and grumbles about it, making it take forever. And to be honest, I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to do homework for 2 hours after being in school all day either if I were 7. We get home from school at 4 and he goes to bed at 8 and his typical homework on a given evening:
Study his 15+ spelling words for a test at the end of the week (takes 20 minutes at least)
work on memorizing whatever their current poem is (5 minutes)
Either a math or grammar worksheet with 8 to 20 problems (20 to 40 minutes, depending on amount)
Study for a test at the end of the week (rotates between social studies and science), which means memorizing a list of facts (10 minutes)
Read aloud 20 minutes each night
play math games or math drills 3 nights a week
Now, overall, I love the curriculum they use at the school. I love the classics they read and are assigned, I love the poetry, the music classes. I love everything…. except the workload. RARELY do we get to all of the things we are supposed to do and what gets missed are things like reading aloud, because there is no work to turn in the next day. And I consider that one of the most important things he can be doing. I guess I just feel that at age 7 you shouldn’t have more than 20 minutes of homework a day if you are in school all day.
So, he is frustrated and I am frustrated. Perhaps even more frustrated than I was last year with my older son. No, definitely more frustrated, because now I can compare it to what I am doing with DS8. I want nothing more than pull him out of school and have him join in homeschooling. However, my husband isn’t crazy about not finishing the school year… and I am about to have a baby and it probably isn’t good timing to to get him started if we are about to take a month or more off. But I feel like if I have to nag him through one more worksheet of busy problems I will have a breakdown!!!! Any advice, suggestions or hugs would be appreciated!!!
You could pull him out and let him take off until after the baby and your scheduled time off. Then ease him into the work as you go. After such a heavy workload he probably could use some time off to just play and help around the house.
Tara
I don’t really have any practical advice…but I really feel for you. One of my boys did go to ps and while I didn’t hate it, I didn’t like the homework part of it when he’d already been at school all day. My youngest (6) is so young, in my opinion, and I can only imagine how fatigued his little brain would be with all that work. I expect work done well in our homeschool, but I also realize that he’s just a little boy. He needs some academic instruction and play time, and lots of it.
If I had to do it over, I would not have sent my oldest to ps, but then again, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate homeschooling the way I feel I do. Also, it just wasn’t in God’s timing, I suppose. But, with that said, as soon as he was pulled out, it felt like the right thing that I wished I had done sooner, if anything but for the extra time to adjust. (It took me a long time to adjust, calm down, find a routine, etc. I’m sooo glad that is over!)
Anyway, I’m sure others will chime in with real advice..all I have are hugs…
Oh dear. My advice will be very one-sided and not very helpful. Pull him out. Posthaste.
It sounds very burdensome. Long, long, ago I was in a similar situation. I wish I would have just homeschooled. I was expecting my fifth baby, my oldest was 8, we were also in the process of moving. I still wish I would have just homeschooled. It would have been less stressful and better for all my kiddos, imo.
I would pull him, personally. Like Tara said, he needs to de-school anyway, so let him have that time to just not do much, if anything, in the way of academics. The public schools around here don’t have 2 hours of homework in 2nd grade. More like 30-60 min, and that to me is WAY too much for that age (OK, I really feel it’s too much for any age since they’ve been in school all day, but I digress). Your son’s school is giving A LOT of homework, IMHO. (As another aside, I always have to wonder WHAT they do all day in school that they must send practically all their work home with them in the evenings….)
If you can’t pull him out, can you talk to the teacher about your concerns? He/she may or may not have control of what they are assigning, but I think it’s worth it to ask and bring it to his/her attention. Perhaps the teacher doesn’t realize how long it takes the kids to do their homework, especially since they are just kids and need time to play and interact with their families, as well. Doesn’t hurt to try.
And finally, (((HUGS))) It will all work out somehow. I’m sure being due soon with a baby is not helping your mood. BTDT!
I’d say pull him out and take a break before starting. One of the benefits of homeschooling is picking your own school calendar, right? 🙂 Congrats on the new baby.
I’d be talking to the teacher to find out if that is a normal expectation for homework. When I was getting my teaching degree, the rule of thumb we were taught was 10 minutes per grade. So a 2nd grader should have 20 minutes/day. A 6th grader should have no more than an hour, and so on. There might be exceptions, such as the day before a major test, but most days should be within those limits.
Of course, personally, I’d just pull him out, especially with a baby coming. I cringe at the thought of the hassle of getting a child ready for and to and from school with a newborn in tow. Not to mention the homework issues. I have a hard enough time just making sure the little girl I watch every morning is done lunch and ready to go when her parents pick her up for preschool! That alone makes homeschooling worth it to me!
Joanne
Well, I feel like it will eventually come to me pulling him out, which is the desire of my heart. But my husband will take a while to warm up to the idea, as he never makes a decision in haste or in a reactionary way (God knew what he was doing when he gave me such a patient and wise man). I actually have a parent teacher conference tomorrow (not for this purpose, but because it is that time of year) and I plan on bringing up the homework load and letting her know how I feel (in a tactful, loving way). But I don’t feel like it will do any good. Not because she isn’t a nice person, but because they have a system for a reason and it has been that way for a long time now. The school gets explemplary grades on state testing and has a huge waiting list and everyone loves it, so why should they change? Like I said, overall, I love the school. I love what they teach and the atmosphere and high standards. Just not the homework.
I hadn’t thought of taking time off with us and the baby as good de-schooling time, but that makes sense. I can mention that to my husband. Thanks everyone.
If your husband wants him to remain in the public school then I suggest that he be in charge of helping with homework. Once he sees what you’re dealing with he may quickly change his mind.
Have you spoken to your husband about it yet? If you can show his the fruits of your efforts with your older ds and the concerns you have with your younger, I’m sure he’ll understand the logic behind your desire. Also, I’m sure it’ll make it easier for him to make that choice now where the choice has already been made for your older child. I would bring him home.
My husband did offer to help with the homework a few weeks ago, but since he often works late, it fell to me more often than not, regardless of good intentions on his part, because he simply did not get home in time to help DS7 before bedtime.
He is out of town until tomorrow and I am thoughtfully and prayerfully preparing for an in depth conversation on this topic.
Does you younger son want to homeschool now that he sees a difference in the workload for him vs his brother? If not, you may still be pulling teeth.
Perhaps your hubby would be willing to pull him out at the half year break? I certianly wouldn’t want to push your dh to make a decision he isn’t ready to. Pray about it a lot and talk about it some more. (and definitely have dh get involved with the homework since you won’t be able to help as much when the baby comes anyway.)
I can relate to a reluctant DH. I’ve btdt.
As to the homework load, btdt too with oldest DS having 2-3 hours every night in 3rd grade. As it turned out this is what finally was tippin point for my DH. We went ahead with one more year of PS where DS had a much more reasonable homework load but that was our last year in PS.
With the teacher I would suggest you politely tell her your DS will be spending X amoun of time on homework and then you will have him stop. Tell her you’ll set a timer. Then ask her what are the priorities and have home start with those.
This is what I did that 3rd grade year after a few weeks of 3 hours plus if homework. I didn’t ask the teacher. I told her what we were Doug. I also wrote a memo to the principal explainin our mtg and the resolution. Teacher said that was fine and that was the end of it.
It is PS so they can’t do much. Btw I went by what someone else suggested–10 minutes for each grade. So he did 30 minutes plus I did have him read for 30 minutes in addition, but this was before bed and he still does this to his day.
My 2 cents from experience. Best to you!
That is great advice LDIMom…. but do keep in mind that it can really depend on the teacher. My grandson was pretty much being picked on by his teacher (yes, his mom was complaining but not much got resolved…) – he was picked on each day for a week for not having his planner/backpack even though the school had been informed (and so had the teacher) that it had been left at our house by accident, and there was no way for them to get it back for the week. She apparently berated him in front of the class each day – and taped notes to his wrist about it. I can just imagine what a teacher like that would do with homework not done…. grrrr…..
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