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Reasoning with a child
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I have yet to read this full thread but I think it will be helpful for me. We’re working on Obedience as a Habit this year and honestly I’m so horrible at discipline I don’t even know what that means. Since starting to study TJEd and CM I see things that other households do that I never even imagined…such as cheerful obedience. (!) I think I was spoiled bc my oldest (14b) has always been such an easy child that even when his not so easy sister came along (now 11) I just assumed she’d ‘grow out of it’. Now I have two 5yo boys who are learning from her sassy ways and I know I’ve got a task ahead of me: learning how to discipline. I’d LOVE guidance for what that may mean, or books that are especially good for me (but not Nicoleen Peck’s book, I didn’t like it) or for my kids. I’ll read this whole thread tonight once the kids are in bed and see what other advice I can use.
Thanks,
Shannon in NC
Hi Shannon,
I hope you find your answers! I’m still sorting out details of discipline for myself as well and I guess I always will. Blessings to you!
Dana
As a follow up, why don’t you like Nicoleen Peck? I had never heard of her before and can’t quite figure out her overall philosophy by (quickly) googling her. 🙂
Nicholeen Peck is huge in the Thomas Jefferson Education gang. She calls her parenting/book ‘teaching self government’ which sounds like something I would like. Many of her rules I believe in (consistancy, obedience), although I’m not great at using them. I think the reason I didn’t like it was there were so many steps to her method. I’m a simple kind of mom and having four steps to handle this misbehavior and XX steps for that one was just too much for me. She has specific things she says (ie ‘You are our of instructional control’) and specific things she expects her kids to say and to me it feels unnatural. She also uses food as a reward which doesn’t ring right with me especially with seeing how heavy much of her family is. I know I could use her method with different rewards but it is more than that – the complexity makes it hard for me. She was on BBC’s World’s Strictest Parents that you can see to get a feel for her style. Her website is http://teachingselfgovernment.com/. I’m sure one day I’ll reread her book and maybe then it will ring more true for me. I’m still a novice when it comes to discipline it feels. I would love to have a parenting book that really speaks to me, but so far I haven’t found that.
shannon
Dana – I feel like there was another thread you started where someone might have mentioned Raising Godly Tomatoes… Do you recall? Either way, I highly recommend it, because when you are “tomato staking” you are often intervening to keep them from disobeying and you are training them in habits that are good and right ways to respond when they would normally respond sinfully – the great thing about this, is that you instill habits in them that make it easier to resist sin which makes discipline necessary less frequently. For example, if I can intervene and prevent a fight with my two young children, I do – the toddler grabs something from the 5 year old, I can tell the 5 year old want to respond in anger, because I have them both with me – I can quickly speak what the 5 year old’s response SHOULD be, “Yes, Trin, you may play with my ball, I am happy to share it with you.” She knows to repeat it and I may ask her to do it again, if she’s not doing it joyfully, then I give lots of commendation about how hard it is to share with a younger sibling, but how that is kind and loving. Does that make sense? I wish I had someone to speak the words I should say when my husband does something to tick me off – boy would that save me a lot of foot in mouth heartache!
Haha. That’s funny. 🙂 yes I like the idea of keeping them close. We’ve been doing much better but it’s still a learning process.
Thsnks for that clarification Shannon. It doesn’t sound like she’d be for me either. Going from where I am to following one of the “world’s strictest parents” might be quite the leap. Haha. 🙂
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