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Really, Really need some help – homeschooling burnout
- This topic has 29 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by
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I’ve been thinking about your post for a few days, but hadn’t had time to really formulate a reply. I agree with the others that a change seems to be in order. Several people have given ideas, but here’s mine. I figure that every family is different, so the more options you have, the better you’ll be able to find the right fit for you. I don’t think you need to abandon CM, but maybe just approach it differently.
I’ve been studying TJEd quite a bit lately and we’ve made several adjustments. Most of the principles fit very well with CM. I think the big difference is in the amount of structure. Not only does CM have more structure, but with AO, you’ve chosen one of the most structured versions of CM. I understand that. About once a month I dream about doing AO, because it sounds wonderful and would have been what I would have thrived on as a child. But anytime I’ve tried anything close to AO, it has become just a box-checking, stress-about-getting-it-done disaster. What is working for us is to take the principles that I believe in from both CM and TJEd philosophies, but focusing particularly on the TJEd “Key” to structure time, not content.
What that looks like is this, with all the usual interruptions of diaper changes and bottles to feed and other facts of daily life interspersed.
First, we have our devotional: Hymn, prayer, scripture box, personal scripture study or family study of some type. This is 20 minutes, tops.
Second, we spend 45 minutes on “skills.”. This is math, writing (letter formation/copywork/spelling wisdom as appropriate), Spanish, and reading lessons for DD5. This give me about 15 minutes each for DD9 and DS7 on math and 5 minutes math and 10 minutes reading for DD5. The rest are independent activities.
Third, we spend 30 minutes doing two subjects together each day (basically history and science alternating with literature and geography, but it varies if we are in the mood to change it up). We discuss the chapters together, but I don’t expect specific narrations from each child (which just leads to competition and hurt feelings.) Next year when DD5 is 6, I’ll probably add 15 minutes to focus books specifically at her level. Right now she wanders in and out as she please during this time.
Fourth, we do one or two of the ‘riches’.
Fifth, I expect each child to study something (read a book, listen to an audiobook, look up info on the computer, etc.) for 30 minutes, and then report back to narrate what they have learned, or write a blog post about what they’ve learned. They are free to choose anything to read/study, as long as I have approved it beforehand (so they can’t just re-read their favourite book 12 times and call it school). If they ask me to read aloud and I have time, I will, although usually I end up with baby or throwing food in the crockpot or making lunch if has taken us that long to get through the first 4 steps.
After that, we just do whatever everyone is in the mood for that day and what there is time left for. Nature study, a cooking project, handicrafts, more read alouds, board games, puzzles, math games, going ice skating, painting or drawing, outdoor time, active play, watch an educational video, go to the library, cleaning the house, and so on. Screen time doesn’t happen until at least 4 o’clock, if at all, so there is no use asking about it.
Sometimes we don’t get through that whole list, but I figure we have the most important things at the beginning: Devotional, skills, and some living ideas to chew on for the day. The rest is bonus. I’m not concerned about getting through a certain time period in history or a specific number of books, or anything like that. We are just enjoying learning together as much as we learn that day. Sometimes we take wild rabbit trails and spend more time watching live video feeds of baby birds than we do reading. Sometimes we read our literature book for 30 minutes 4 days in a row because everyone is loving the book that much. This still provides us with plenty of living ideas and activities, so I’m okay with it. When the kids are older (what TJEd calls the Scholar Phase), I’ll increase the expectations of personal study time.
I hope you find your balance. I know that you’ve been struggling for a while. We have also gone through many changes recently, trying to find our groove. I think it took a major change of vision for me, to embrace the idea that the specific content is less important than that everyone is engaged and learning things that are meaningful to them. The quality of the content is more important than the quantity. Learning is a life long event. I needed to get rid of the artificial deadlines. Right now we just need to learn how to learn and to love doing it. With those skills, specific content can be learned when it is needed.
I echo the above suggestions for drastic change, but along with choosing a lesson path that works better I would totally cut out media of any form until everyone gets grounded again. This insidious culture of constant media – cell phones, apps, games, computers, iPads, iPods, streaming this and instant that – it has a huge effect on family, on relationships, on peacefulness, on feeling content, on being able to connect, etc., etc.
From time to time I issue a “ban” and usually for no less than a week’s time. It clears the air; it provides much needed perspective for everyone. It’s painful (sometimes). Its boring (until you adjust back). It’s healthy. I think now that because we do this we have learned that all those bells and whistles are just that – bells and whistles and not the core of what we do or who we are. We need a sense of purpose and responsibility outside of/ independent of a screen. And then it all becomes gravy again. We work hard and play hard but we know which is which and where our prorities lie.
Just another perspective to digest. I too have heard your struggles over the years on here. We all want the best for you. I pray for your peace. You can do anything! You are beautifully, purposefully made to be where you are! Don’t give in or up! This is an obstacle worth overcoming.
I echo Claire’s sentiments on a total media white-out for a while. It’s transformative every time we do it.
Agreeing with the idea of ban on media – this will be painful, no doubt, but will be sure to work wonders in the long run. Just try to stay focused on the long term, and hopefully the hardships of each day and hour will seem slightly less (said with love, I know it will be hard making changes)
I have used and really like CLE Math, but just a word of caution – it is yet another program that is very much taught by YOU, via a teacher manuals (albeit, great teacher manuals, and granted, the math concepts are presented in very easy-t0-teach ways….but still, the responsibility is on you to teach it all….with four kids at four different levels, you would be using four different TMs and you might feel just as overwhelmed as with RS). I switched to Teaching Textbooks precisely to get away from what I found to be too teacher intensive with CLE. I do hear you on money, I know that TT is expensive though you might find a small comfort in that they ship for free to Canada (in 2 days – their customer service is excellent). Having said this, there are options for getting it used. I think there is a Homeschool Used Curricula Yahoo group (though it might be for Ontario and I’m not sure where you are). One more point in case there is any way you can consider TT — It is very possible and totally okay to do TT just with the CDs and use a regular notebook (we have actually opted to do this with my second son, who does BETTER when HE has to write down the math equation on his own…)
Last point – I can help on the Canadian History…we are doing well in this area – I have it narrowed down to my top 2 spines, 1 enhancement and a collection of living books. I’d just need a bit of time to jot it all down for you, as currently all the books are on a variety of bookshelves… let me know if you are interested!
I haven’t replied here for awhile, but wanted to agree with others who suggest changing from parent intense teaching subjects and pare down to the basics while working on habit training. You have been such an encouragement and wealth of information to me (and others) over the past 2-3 years, often advising me well regarding curriculum.
I only have 2 dc ages 6 1/2 and 8 1/2. Neither have learning challenges, although my youngest isn’t as academically inclined as my oldest. She would just do crafts, make love notes for others, and pretend play in lala land all day if I let her. I also don’t have any health challenges right now. I have mostly parent intensive curricula for my dc, all of which I enjoy. One of which is MEP. I love, love, love MEP math! I would pay a lot of money for the program if they charged for website access or for downloads. However, looking at all the parent intense things I use for schooling, math is one area where I am going to have to compromise. After looking at samples from several math programs, CLE is the only math program I like enough to not mourn giving up MEP. (As an aside it was encouraging this morning to read the positive reviews on this thread about CLE math….great timing since dh just last night strongly encouraged me to switch). I am debating ordering the CLE LA as well even though it isn’t CM style. We also do some AO, but trying to do it all sucked the joy out of the program for us. It was difficult for me, but I crossed out what I knew we wouldn’t get to on the schedule at the start of the school year. Looking ahead knowing my oldest will be able to do most readings himself next year is helpful, but if he had reading challenges I would be less likely to use AO as a spine.
I hope you find the best balance for your family. Give yourself grace in this intense season of life.
Angelina – I thought CLE math taught to the student (after about level 2 or 3)?
And yes, I’d love your info for Canadian History….
suzukimom, I will pull together my Cdn History titles as soon as I can…
As for CLE, hmmm, you may be right. I wonder if anyone else on the forum has used it beyond the 200 level. I used only the 100 and 200 level and felt that use of the TM was pretty essential (though I am admittedly not the mathiest…I really wanted to make sure I utilized every little teaching tip they were suggesting ). CLE is most certainly one of the best priced out there. I still far prefer TT for how it just completely takes the pressure off me (does the teaching/lecture in 3 mins or less, and shows examples. After this, the child begins work on the lesson – but the program shows an additional tutorial/correction lesson for each and every time the child makes an error…really, your kid just cannot fail in math using TT). But for money savings I can understand that CLE is probably the winner for you. Certainly, having the student work presented in their little “light” units makes the workbooks feel do-able and would spread out the cost for you; I could see your kids making the transition well, i.e. the workbook itself does not feel overwhelming. Again, it would be nice to hear from someone else who used CLE past the grade 3 level and up to high school regarding whether or not it is truly teaches to the student.
Hugs. I started to write a few days ago and got interrupted! You’ve gotten great advice. I don’t have much to add except if I were in your shoes Id likely consider something like Easy Peasy and just adding in favorite books, the arts, etc. Another homeschool moms siggy speaks well to this, I believe:
‘A curriculum that gets done is far superior to a superior curriculum that doesn’t get done.’
Blessings as you contemplate changes:)
Youve gotten some great advice, in fact I plan to use some of it myself. Lol. I too have been working on simplifying school lately. My four kids are 9,7,4,1. I started by switching from a very teacher intense math program, MEP, to Singapore (not independent, but only requires 10-15 minutes of one on one teaching) and using an open and go phonics program instead of doing my own CM thing.
We started this year withh my two oldest in their own AO years, except history which I combined, utilizing audio books for my oldest. But halfway through the year I realized not only were we far behind schedule, my oldest was not enjoying or retaining his books. I love the idea of the Robinson curriculum, but it doesn’t work for us right now. Ive instead combined my kids for all content subjects. It was the stuff that we did together that was working best. That might seem like more work,but since I had to do everything with my 7yo anyway, it actually isn’t. I also realized that for these early years I care more about spending time enjoying reading together than I care what we’re covering. So my reading schedule is just what type of book we will read that day and we just read what’s next. If it takes us one year or two to get through the stack, that’s fine. no timetable. We are not reading as much, it feels like anyway, and I’ve decided to be ok with that. Right now I’m just focusing on getting them reading well and enjoying reading. In line with putting the focus back on enjoying reading, I am no longer requiring narrations from every book. We still do them, but they’re more varied. More discussions instead of straight forward narrating. And for the fiction we read together, I’m not requiring it at all. Next year I plan on using English lessons through literature so I can make sure and work on narrations one on one too.
For the rest of this year, after tossing out half the scheduled AO books, our day now looks like this: together- bible, poetry, read aloud (history 2 days a week, mostly Hollings book of indians and daulaire bios. Science 2 days a week, Shakespeare/composer/artist 1 day a week). Then skill subjects. I work with the kids one on one youngest to oldest. Older kids while waiting for their turn either do their independent work (math worksheets, typing, piano, read to self) or play with baby. At lunch, or after, I read from a literature book. Right now alternating the AO books they’d already started. Once these are done, I will pick one for everyone. I am having my oldest read to himself for 20 minutes each day from an assigned book because my goal for the second half of their schooling is more along the lines of Robinson curriculum. Even if I go back and use the AO book list.
Just wanted to write today and say….
I haven’t changed anything yet – yet today we had a fantastic homeschool day – one of the better ones of the year…. No complaints, everyone did the work, we got picture study done, 3 younger kids got to play outside for a while (Delta usually doesn’t want to)….
Not sure why the difference…
Sometimes it’s our attitude that is having the most influence. I’ve experienced that many times myself. I’m stressed BC whatever I’ve deemed “must do” isn’t done and really what is being done is good, solid learning but my poor perspective, my need for total control over things … well, that’s what’s really making things horrid. I try to sit on my lips and appreciate the learning moments in those times … with varying degrees of success!
My attitude is far, far more powerful than I’m sometimes comfortable with, to be honest.
That’s so true Claire! The temperature in my homes is usually set by me. A mother truly is the heart of her home. It’s such a blessing on one hand, that we have the tools to create a joyful, peaceful atmosphere and yet it also seems like so much pressure when we are having a bad day (or week or month or year!).
Just came across this post from last year and was super encouraged! Hope it encourages someone else too!
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