Name: Spreading the Feast Gathering
Start: 2025-07-11T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-07-12T23:59:59-05:00
Location: LaGrange, KY

Tagged: burnout

This topic has 29 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by beccawalker2000.

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January 13, 2015 at 3:39 pm
suzukimom
Participant
Ok, I really, really need some help. I have been burnt-out the entire school year, and I’m not to the point that I’m pretty much in tears by the end of each homeschool day – and we also end up not doing school a lot of days because I just don’t have the energy to try to get my kids doing it. My kids have gotten well used to the idea that they don’t HAVE to complete their work and also tend to skip the things they don’t like – so they might, for instance, go quite a while before doing any copywork. We aren’t getting the ‘riches’ done anymore, and we’ve dropped some topics totally. My 9yo is being very resistant to most of her work and is hardly getting anything done at all.
I need to figure out how to fix things – but nothing I think of seems to look like it will work. I watched ‘the 5 flavours of homeschooling’ again today, and I come out slightly stronger preference to Charlotte Mason/Lit based (6). Next is a ‘tie’ of Traditional/Classical/Unschooling (4 each). And I definitely have no leanings towards Unit Studies at all (1).
I have 4 children ages 4-11, and after trying various CM programs for a few years, we have been doing AO, as that was what was working best and had the most interest. When we tried CM programs that were ‘family study based’, like SCM – (with my 2 oldest….) We had self-esteem problems with both of them (older felt stupid because younger sister doing the same work…. younger felt stupid because couldn’t do things as well as older brother.) I tried to have a few regular subjects together this year – but have problems with people being impatient, or if I get resistance from one of them, it derails everyone. Combined subjects require ‘ME’, which causes problems at the moment too.
We started this year at the start of September. They ‘should’ be around week 16 in our school.
I’m working with the 4yo (Golf) with ‘Teach Your Child to Read in 100 easy lessons’ and RightStart Math A.
My 6yo (Foxtrot) is a strong reader and is doing AO Year 1. She reads well enough to do most of her AO readings on her own (which isn’t normal…) – She is also in RightStart C. She has days when she works pretty well, but she often only wants to do a few things…. That said, she is the furthest along on her AO Year, being in the middle of week 9.
My 9yo (Echo) might have dyslexia or something – not tested. She reads – but her reading hasn’t improved in the last few years – so although she had been above grade level in reading at one point, I think she would now be considered behind. She is in RightStart Math D. She is putting up a lot of resistance, and is hardly getting any schoolwork done.
My 11yo (Delta) has multiple symptoms of dyslexia – not officially tested. He reads below grade level and struggles to get meaning out of things he reads on his own. He is also in RightStart Math D. He is in Year 4 in AO, but not doing things like written narrations, latin (we started but dropped it), grammar, etc. He is doing Shakespeare and Plutarch with me. I am going through Alpha-phonics with him hoping to help his reading….
Delta and Echo read along with audiobooks when available – otherwise I have to read everything to them. I am very aware that Delta is only a couple of years from High School – but is no-where near ready.

We have been trying to do AO mostly as written (a few Canadian changes.) This has worked well for us for 2 years, but is NOT working well this year.
We started a few weeks ago some very old SRA Reading Labs (with all 3 school-aged kids) which is adding some time to our already too-full days – however I’m seeing great improvement with Delta’s reading that matches very well with us starting those labs.
I just have too much to try to do with 4 kids. The Reading Labs are fairly independent. But our math program, which I mostly love – requires me to work 1 on 1 with them which takes roughly 2 hours of my day (30 min roughly per child.) Reading instruction with Delta, and Reading instruction with Golf takes about another 30 min or so. Then I have readings to do with each child……
meanwhile I’m almost sure to have had what can only be called a tantrum at some point from Echo refusing to do something on her list.
Delta tends to work pretty hard – but there isn’t enough time for him to get done what AO says he should be doing.

So – I do some thinking… I figure i need to cut something out from Delta’s work….. except he LOVES history. he LOVES plutarch. he LOVES Shakespeare. He LOVES greek fables. He LOVES Robinson Crusoe. So that leaves Science…. I’m not sure what he thinks of his science books – but he can do them on his own… anything I could replace it with would…. require me to read it to him which I don’t have time for. So that leaves me again not knowing what to cut.
I haven’t got a clue what to do about Echo. She seems to HATE everything. I almost toy with just doing something totally different for her, but no idea what.
Foxtrot seems to like her books enough so far – but she sees Echo goofing off so she wants a ‘break’…..
And at some point everything just totally derails. I have no energy left, and I’m in tears.
I can’t see how a family studies thing would help as it would add more to me, and my schedule is already full….
I don’t know if I’m explaining this well.
My dh doesn’t really care to discuss it – I’ve broached the subject a couple of times – but he doesn’t seem to want to talk – and in the past anytime I’ve forced discussion of homeschooling it comes down to ‘he trusts me’….
Oh, and My mid-year report is due to the gov’t, and i don’t even know what I’m going to write…..
Isn’t this supposed to be easier after 6 years????
January 13, 2015 at 7:02 pm
art
Participant
I don’t know that I have any answers for you, but I’m praying for you. You sound so much like me.
I was wondering if your kids have a bedtime and how is your bedtime? Is it stressful, relaxed, hurried? When we aren’t using a bedtime or when it’s stressful, the daytime is much worse. Also, if they think they can do whatever they want (like mine do sometimes), having a bedtime can help change that, believe it or not.
Are you starting your day with family scriptures to obtain the promises that go with that? When we don’t do that, things always go much worse, and not just for that day. When we have a day that we don’t get things done (and that happens ALL the time), then we get discouraged and the next day is harder. Also, I have to make sure the family scripture time is relaxed and not rushed. We always sing a hymn first.
Do you eat enough healthy food and a variety? We get really stressed when we aren’t happy with what we eat, or when it’s too hard to find or think of something to eat. This happens a lot here, so I know that can cause problems.
Mine also don’t complete a lot of things they need to do, but I don’t think it’s malicious. I have fatigue issues, and even though I’m not lazy, that’s what it looks like most of the time. So it’s hard for them because of me not looking like I’m working hard.
I’m better off not giving them their list, but just telling them to do a thing when it’s time to do it. So all they have to do is what they’re told right now. I don’t know how that’ll affect their future, but it’s what I have to do.
It seems like most of our days are messed up. There is always something, and I mean ALWAYS! This week for example, we’re flying to Boise for my oldest son to get married. That’s 3 days off. We had 2 weeks at Christmas and then everyone got sick. Another week off. Today, I wrenched my back, went to the chiropractor, no afternoon school (and we hadn’t started before 11:00!)
Next month, my husband has to work in another location, so we’re spending the month with him. That’ll be at least 4 days off because of packing and driving. And who knows what’ll happen while we’re there.
I guess I wanted you to know you’re not alone. I’ll tell you what my husband always says when things are going that way and I’m not sure what to use for the kids. He says, “It doesn’t matter what we use, they just need consistency.”
Unfortunately, that’s the hardest thing for me to provide.
I hope you find some peace about it.
January 13, 2015 at 10:44 pm
suzukimom
Participant
Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, I have fatigue issues too. I have a few thoughts I’m going to work on…
January 14, 2015 at 8:26 am
HSMAMA
Participant
(((HUGS))) First, I’d suggest seeing a doctor and then finding a support person you can talk to, be it a psychologist, a pastor, etc. Someone who has the tools to help you navigate this tough time.
It sounds like you’re in a guilt spiral when it comes to school. You are using some very teacher intensive stuff. I would drop RS and AO and move to some DVD teaching for this time in your lives. As things get back on track, you can pick back up the curriculum you love. But a great curriculum isn’t going to do a lick of good if it isn’t getting done.
Sit down and talk with your kids. Explain that you’ve been going through a tough time and that you want to keep homeschooling, but that you need their help. Then lay out what your expectations are. It won’t be overnight, but the more consistent you are with your expectations, the more they should respond.
Praying for you! Best of luck!!
January 14, 2015 at 11:12 am
Karen
Participant
Hugs from here, too!
I think you’ve gotten some good advice…..I’d also recommend paring down to the very basic of basics. Math and Reading / Lang. Arts.
Then, use audio CDs to cover science (Jonathan Park CDs, if you have access to them), history (Your Story Hour), even literature (librivox.com or stories on CD from the library)……You can even use some DVDs for history or science — anything to keep them learning a little, but keeping your sanity and giving you time to rest and heal.
Perhaps some chore training – one chore per kid, every day….I really like Tristan’s idea of each child doing one particular chore every day for a month or more. It really helped my girls stop complaining! *L* Of course, I had to wade through about 3 or 4 weeks of complaining until they realized the chores weren’t going away. 🙂
Best wishes!!!
January 14, 2015 at 12:13 pm
curlywhirly
Participant
Please read my “tone” as empathetic and encouraging. I have walked in your shoes, both health challenges and challenges with children’s behavior etc. I have seen you make posts similar to this every 6 months or so since I have visited this forum. After a little while you shake it off and keep going and generally appear from what little I can see on the forum to be doing the same thing you were before. I’ve been there and done that too. 😉 And so, I really think you will need to let go of some things in order grasp the better things you long for for your children and yourself. Your solution may not be the same as what I am suggesting, but please think about making some major course corrections, letting go of the things that continually hold you all back and trying something new that may (or may not) work out.
Here is what I would do in similar circumstances. Some of my suggestions are things I did with my family at one time, some are things I now wish I had done but didn’t.
Stop formal instruction for your 4yo. Golf is young- too young for formal instruction according to CM. This will free up some time to work with the older kids who need it. Continue informal instruction as desired by the child.
Pick one habit and work on it with all 4. I remember your previous posts about behavior concerns. I have 4 kids each with their own flavor of behavior challenges and I empathize with what you are going through. Those character issues are going to be the make it or break it for their futures and your home ed experience. Keep working it until you see some success and then keep working it some more. Let go (for now) everything that you can and just focus on the chosen habit. Once this habit is pretty solid, then consider expanding to other habits but not until it is solid, solid, solid. If the kids would be open to it, really involve them and let them work on the habit, not just you.
Pick one subject (probably reading with the older 2 and maybe math or whatever is most concern with Foxtrot) and focus on that. Every day, no matter what get that subject done. Make it pleasant- have cocoa or tea with it or after it, and get it done. Before packing, during the drive, at breakfast, whatever it takes. All school would be too hard to do like this, but one subject would be OK. Use this school subject to work on whatever habit you are working on. If you only get one thing done with all the kids every day make it be this subject, every time.
Next I would decide what needs my time and attention and what can wait and what to ditch all together. Delta “LOVES history. he LOVES plutarch. he LOVES Shakespeare. He LOVES greek fables. He LOVES Robinson Crusoe.” Awesome! Those would be my candidates for things he can “unschool”- meaning help him find suitable materials and then let him work at his own pace, or not. You can come back to these things later when its going better. Or you can continue to work on these with him but do it once a month instead of once a week, etc. Let him take the driver seat with some of these things he loves so much.
IMO Math is not something that can just wait or be dismissed, however I would make a change from Right Start. If my time and energy must be rationed then 2 hours a day on math will not work. Personally I would go with Math U See and take advantage of the video, but if that’s too pricey there are free options. Rays Arithmetic comes to mind, paired with Kahn Academy videos on YouTube, but I am sure there are other options as well.
If I wanted to continue with AO because it fit my kids better since they are all doing their own thing, then I would pare back on the quantity of work required. My understanding is that AO was originally designed for a school situation, not a home situation with multiple kids with learning challenges. Many families find AO to be too much and there is nothing wrong with adjusting it to fit, especially as the kids get older and the work harder. If AO says to read 10 books I would plan for 5 and be ready to go to 3 if it was still too much. Prioritize what you want them to read and let the rest go. One good book, well read, understood and inspiring the imagination is worth a dozen books sitting on the shelf unread but “on the list” of what *should* be read.
Make it all pleasant. Take time for Mom- rest, feed your own mind, and take the time to enjoy the good things about your kids and hubby. Attitude is everything, and if I am unhappy or stressed it really does effect everyone in the house so do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
As things start to improve, I would add one subject at a time to my MUST BE DONE list. On those days when we are traveling, or sick, or whatever I would go back to the bare minimum, but always working toward doing a “full day” when we can. Keep it pleasant, keep it light. Foster as much independence as possible in the kids so you can be there for the things that really need your help. Foster independence by starting small- just like we do when teaching the habit of attention. Attitude really is the key so help them form positive attitudes with will last much long than any curriculum or lesson you may have on your plan for today.
<3Suzukimom<3
Whatever advice you end up taking, or not, I hope you find a path to make your days better soon.

January 14, 2015 at 2:42 pm
Karen
Participant
CurlyWhirly, that’s great advice for all of us when we have those hard days or months!

January 15, 2015 at 2:25 am
anniepeter
Participant
Oh my… I could have written this many times too. You are not alone! I would echo the others here. Math U See is a life saver here. I don’t have to be involved hardly ever.
When we have totally reboot, we start with morning routines that include the most basic chores that must be done divided among the children… Tristan’s Chore Boot Camp was helpful to me also. Step by step advice.
Best to you!!
January 15, 2015 at 6:51 am
jeaninpa
Participant
I read this yesterday, thought of replying, didn’t get to it, and now when I come back to it I see that curlywhirly has said exactly what I wanted to say, except more eloquently! She has given you great advice and I think that implementing her suggestions will help you immensely.

January 15, 2015 at 12:13 pm
Tristan
Participant
I’ve not read the comments but wanted to suggest changing curricula completely. I know, crazy. If the kids are not completing work switch to something that is streamlined (like LifePac or even a computer based one like Time 4 Learning or Switched on Schoolhouse). Then the kids sit and do their work and cannot get up from the table or wherever they are sat until you have checked the assignment. I know, it takes more of you in some ways, but they are not responsible enough to do the work without you checking it right away. Which is why I suggest dropping the time intensive things (like Right Start) and changing to something very laid out and simplified for the rest of the year. If Delta loves those other things then let them be done in free time (by his own choice, not assigned). And free time doesn’t happen until all assigned work is done and checked by you.
What I’m envisioning I guess is you dedicating the morning hours to sit with them while all school is done. It seems time intensive but really would save you so much time because you wouldn’t be trying to get them to come back and finish what they didn’t do. Dedicate 3 hours (8:30-11:30). There is no real reason school should take longer than that with a more streamlined approach.
Yes, we want the ideal CM homeschool. But the reality is you haven’t been able to make that fit your family for a long time. Reality sometimes stinks…LOL….but accept it and try this for the rest of the school year.
And for Golf, you know they’re too young. So if they aren’t doing it on their own as play then you shouldn’t expect anything to be done. Period. Is perhaps part of the trouble the older 3 are giving you because they were started early like Golf and are burned out? I know you are burned out. I bet they are too.
((HUGS)) You know I say this in love. I want you to find a healthy balance and something that works. Drastic may be your only option.
January 15, 2015 at 1:44 pm
Angelina
Participant
I saw this post a few days ago and wanted to write a reply, but could not get to it these past few days. My heart feels for you, suzukimom, and I pray you and your children will soon arrive at a place of peace in your homeschool.
I could not agree more with Tristan. Tristan’s advice is EXACTLY what I would suggest and have been trying to put together in my mind in order to post to you. To be honest, I didn’t end up posting because I couldn’t figure out how to say “drastic change” in a way that would encourage you to seriously consider it. But Tristan has done so perfectly, and I hope you will read her words carefully and give the advice heartfelt consideration.
I really believe that a drastic change may very well be the ONLY way to turn this around, particularly given that your children seem to be engaging more and more in non-obedient or otherwise rebellious behaviour. Regardless of how you (and the children) feel about the CM approach, the reality is that the way you are currently homeschooling is causing you a mountain of stress and is sending your children down the path of poor diligence and wrong attitude. Having disobedient children is not worth it. If a drastic change in curriculum/philosophy of education means their behaviour and attitudes change back to where they need to be – well, I’d be saying SIGN ME UP!
“Yes, we want the ideal CM homeschool. But the reality is you haven’t been able to make that fit your family for a long time. Reality sometimes stinks…LOL….but accept it and try…” (Tristan)
suzukimom, I strongly encourage you to reflect on this. I know from past posts that you have, for a long time, been dabbling with tweaks and small changes, but I think that only a major change will get you the turnaround you need. I fear that you will soon be at the point of frustration where you are thinking you’ve got to send them to public school. And it would be heartbreaking to see you do this when in truth a curricula change (albeit, major) could have solved your problems. Would there still be challenges? Probably, yes. But with a major change you and your kids would, at the very least, feel the thrill of a fresh start. And you never know, they may actually like it. (speaking from experience here – I love CM…but I have come to learn that there are actually several areas where my children like the ownership and independence of a workbook or other “traditional” methods — where THEY do it and I sit with an answer key later in the day while they play). Not all traditional programs are terrible. What’s more, ALL are totally straightforward to implement and will EASILY allow you to build a routine where school gets DONE every day.
It may be worth asking yourself –
— would I rather make the “extreme” move to “non-CM” programs (Teaching Textbooks, Growing with Grammar, Spelling Workout, Wordly Wise) alongside a living books list for history and science.
OR
–send my kids to public school?
Hope you are able to tuck this into your heart, and see how it sits. I say it all only with the most respect and kindness, and in the hopes that this post might perhaps stir a new way of thinking, in your mind and heart, and will encourage you to keep trying.
January 15, 2015 at 3:51 pm
Karen
Participant
Drastic change can be hard and scary…..exciting, but hard and scary. So I’ll be praying for you, SuzukiMom, as you sift through all the great advice here and start figuring out a NEW rhythm for your days.
January 15, 2015 at 6:24 pm
missceegee
Participant
Hi Suzukimom, I wanted to tell you that there was a season when I purchased Rod and Saff materials, the full program, and set my eldest to work. This was 5.5 years ago when she was in third grade, but my dd7 (2 at the time) was in need of serious habit training and I had a 5 year old, too. We spent 1/2-3/4 of that year with Rod and staff and kept up with her free reading and audiobooks, evening family devotions, and one read aloud, but her entire school day was rod and staff. It was so far from my ideal and initially I felt it was beneath my ideal. However, time is a gift and I needed to give it to the youngest at that time. DD2 at the time benefited from habit training, I benefited from not stressing that school wasn’t being accomplished, ds5 at the time benefitted from the calm atmosphere, and dd8 at the time benefited from consistent learning. That time with r&s was not out favorite learning experience in many ways, but it was God’s best for us at the time. There is peace in that. There is peace in knowing we are doing our best without guilt that it may not be our idea of perfection. The following year, we returned to our self designed CM education pulling from SCM, AO, CMH, etc. and it has been good. However, I’m sensing the need to change direction here a bit for the next year by using more pre-planned materials and being ok with it. I’m fairly certain that dd7 will do Beautiful Feet’s History of the Horse and their Geography study as written, but more narration than comprehension questions. Ds11 will use their New American and World study. Dd14 will use either a BF study or possibly an EpiKardia one. I need to step back from putting it all together and simply enjoy the process of watching and mentoring. Perhaps you could consider a drastic change for a season, use a traditional boxed curriculum or online program to your advantage to build consistency and habits and yes, they will still learn. Keep a book basket nearby and have 30 min. of reading a day. Do that and the consistency will pay off. A dear friend who was ill much of her life once said to me, ” Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” That’s so opposite of what we think, but she was right. It’s worth doing even when our best is poor in our own eyes. That lady had a profound impact on the lives of many bc she was willing to do what she could and be content. May God give you wisdom as you make decisions.
January 18, 2015 at 1:57 pm
suzukimom
Participant
I have been thinking and considering your thoughts and words over the last few days, and I do think I need to make a big change. I’m absolutely unsure about what to do – which won’t be helped by the fact that I have no money to buy something….
Things I’m kind of looking at are Robinson curriculum (or A2) or Easy Peasy, or ?????
Math would need to change for at least some of the kids – but I do really really love how Rightstart does stuff. Robinson curriculum suggests Saxon – which I’ve heard such bad about (but I own 2 levels) – mind you first step for Robinson is to memorize the facts which none of my kids have done…. I do kind of like the looks of CLE math…. I don’t know….
Even the idea of deschooling – we have no car during the day so we are a bit isolated… and all the kids want to do is play on the computer….
And yes, Delta does love history etc when done in school, but remember it is with me reading it to him…. he doesn’t read for pleasure and wouldn’t persue much on his own – loving minecraft so much more…. he might watch some documentaries but that is about it….
My head keeps going aroung in circles….
Oh, and I have to figure out Canadian History that could be independent….
January 18, 2015 at 3:23 pm
Karen
Participant
I can put a plug in for CLE math. I’ve used it with three girls so far (grades 5, 2, and 1) and we like it. It’s math – they still complain about it. BUT, there are 10 books for each school year and there’s great excitement when a girl finishes a book and gets a new one. I do exercise my administrator-freedom and tell them to skip certain problems or shorten lessons or only require them to do 2 pages or whatever.
The first grade math does need you to be there to read problems and explain things to them— but it doesn’t need to take long! And remember- you can do one or two pages a day and call it quits! You don’t have to complete the whole lesson every day.
As the grades go further, the books start to teach the children, so you’ll just be needed for questions your students have.