Really, Really need some help – homeschooling burnout

I don’t know that I have any answers for you, but I’m praying for you. You sound so much like me.

I was wondering if your kids have a bedtime and how is your bedtime? Is it stressful, relaxed, hurried? When we aren’t using a bedtime or when it’s stressful, the daytime is much worse. Also, if they think they can do whatever they want (like mine do sometimes), having a bedtime can help change that, believe it or not.

Are you starting your day with family scriptures to obtain the promises that go with that? When we don’t do that, things always go much worse, and not just for that day. When we have a day that we don’t get things done (and that happens ALL the time), then we get discouraged and the next day is harder. Also, I have to make sure the family scripture time is relaxed and not rushed. We always sing a hymn first.

Do you eat enough healthy food and a variety? We get really stressed when we aren’t happy with what we eat, or when it’s too hard to find or think of something to eat. This happens a lot here, so I know that can cause problems.

Mine also don’t complete a lot of things they need to do, but I don’t think it’s malicious. I have fatigue issues, and even though I’m not lazy, that’s what it looks like most of the time. So it’s hard for them because of me not looking like I’m working hard.

I’m better off not giving them their list, but just telling them to do a thing when it’s time to do it. So all they have to do is what they’re told right now. I don’t know how that’ll affect their future, but it’s what I have to do.

It seems like most of our days are messed up. There is always something, and I mean ALWAYS! This week for example, we’re flying to Boise for my oldest son to get married. That’s 3 days off. We had 2 weeks at Christmas and then everyone got sick. Another week off. Today, I wrenched my back, went to the chiropractor, no afternoon school (and we hadn’t started before 11:00!)

Next month, my husband has to work in another location, so we’re spending the month with him. That’ll be at least 4 days off because of packing and driving. And who knows what’ll happen while we’re there.

I guess I wanted you to know you’re not alone. I’ll tell you what my husband always says when things are going that way and I’m not sure what to use for the kids. He says, “It doesn’t matter what we use, they just need consistency.”

Unfortunately, that’s the hardest thing for me to provide.

I hope you find some peace about it.

(((HUGS))) First, I’d suggest seeing a doctor and then finding a support person you can talk to, be it a psychologist, a pastor, etc. Someone who has the tools to help you navigate this tough time.

It sounds like you’re in a guilt spiral when it comes to school. You are using some very teacher intensive stuff. I would drop RS and AO and move to some DVD teaching for this time in your lives. As things get back on track, you can pick back up the curriculum you love. But a great curriculum isn’t going to do a lick of good if it isn’t getting done.

Sit down and talk with your kids. Explain that you’ve been going through a tough time and that you want to keep homeschooling, but that you need their help. Then lay out what your expectations are. It won’t be overnight, but the more consistent you are with your expectations, the more they should respond.

Praying for you! Best of luck!!

Please read my “tone” as empathetic and encouraging. I have walked in your shoes, both health challenges and challenges with children’s behavior etc. I have seen you make posts similar to this every 6 months or so since I have visited this forum. After a little while you shake it off and keep going and generally appear from what little I can see on the forum to be doing the same thing you were before. I’ve been there and done that too. 😉 And so, I really think you will need to let go of some things in order grasp the better things you long for for your children and  yourself. Your solution may not be the same as what I am suggesting, but please think about making some major course corrections, letting go of the things that continually hold you all back and trying something new that may (or may not) work out.

Here is what I would do in similar circumstances. Some of my suggestions are things I did with my family at one time, some are things I now wish I had done but didn’t.

Stop formal instruction for your 4yo. Golf is young- too young for formal instruction according to CM. This will free up some time to work with the older kids who need it. Continue informal instruction as desired by the child.

Pick one habit and work on it with all 4. I remember your previous posts about behavior concerns. I have 4 kids each with their own flavor of behavior challenges and I empathize with what you are going through.  Those character issues are going to be the make it or break it for their futures and your home ed experience. Keep working it until you see some success and then keep working it some more. Let go (for now) everything that you can and just focus on the chosen habit. Once this habit is pretty solid, then consider expanding to other habits but not until it is solid, solid, solid. If the kids would be open to it, really involve them and let them work on the habit, not just you.

Pick one subject (probably reading with the older 2 and maybe math or whatever is most concern with Foxtrot)  and focus on that. Every day, no matter what get that subject done. Make it pleasant- have cocoa or tea with it or after it, and get it done. Before packing, during the drive, at breakfast, whatever it takes. All school would be too hard to do like this, but one subject would be OK. Use this school subject to work on whatever habit you are working on. If you only get one thing done with all the kids every day make it be this subject, every time.

Next I would decide what needs my time and attention and what can wait and what to ditch all together.  Delta “LOVES history.  he LOVES plutarch.  he LOVES Shakespeare.  He LOVES greek fables.  He LOVES Robinson Crusoe.” Awesome! Those would be my candidates for things he can “unschool”- meaning help him find suitable materials and then let him work at his own pace, or not. You can  come back to these things later when its going better. Or you can continue to work on these with him but do it once a month instead of once a week, etc. Let him take the driver seat with some of these things he loves so much.

IMO Math is not something that can just wait or be dismissed, however I would make a change from Right Start. If my time and energy must be rationed then 2 hours a day on math will not work. Personally I would go with Math U See and take advantage of the video, but if that’s too pricey there are free options. Rays Arithmetic comes to mind, paired with Kahn Academy videos on YouTube, but I am sure there are other options as well.

If I wanted to continue with AO because it fit my kids better since they are all doing their own thing, then I would pare back on the quantity of work required. My understanding is that AO was originally designed for a school situation, not a home situation with multiple kids with learning challenges. Many families find AO to be too much and there is nothing wrong with adjusting it to fit, especially as the kids get older and the work harder.  If AO says to read 10 books I would plan for 5 and be ready to go to 3 if it was still too much. Prioritize what you want them to read and let the rest go.  One good book, well read, understood and inspiring the imagination is worth a dozen books sitting on the shelf unread but “on the list” of what *should* be read.

Make it all pleasant. Take time for Mom- rest, feed your own mind, and take the time to enjoy the good things about your kids and hubby. Attitude is everything, and if I am unhappy or stressed it really does effect everyone in the house so do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

As things start to improve, I would add one subject at a time to my MUST BE DONE list. On those days when we are traveling, or sick, or whatever I would go back to the bare minimum, but always working toward doing a “full day” when we can. Keep it pleasant, keep it light. Foster as much independence as possible in the kids so you can be there for the things that really need your help. Foster independence by starting small- just like we do when teaching the habit of attention. Attitude really is the key so help them form positive attitudes with will last much long than any curriculum or lesson you may have on your plan for today.

<3Suzukimom<3

Whatever advice you end up taking, or not, I hope you find a path to make your days better soon.

Oh my… I could have written this many times too.  You are not alone!  I would echo the others here.  Math U See is a life saver here.  I don’t have to be involved hardly ever.

When we have totally reboot, we start with morning routines that include the most basic chores that must be done divided among the children… Tristan’s Chore Boot Camp was helpful to me also.  Step by step advice.

Best to you!!

I’ve not read the comments but wanted to suggest changing curricula completely.  I know, crazy.  If the kids are not completing work switch to something that is streamlined (like LifePac or even a computer based one like Time 4 Learning or Switched on Schoolhouse).  Then the kids sit and do their work and cannot get up from the table or wherever they are sat until you have checked the assignment.  I know, it takes more of you in some ways, but they are not responsible enough to do the work without you checking it right away.  Which is why I suggest dropping the time intensive things (like Right Start) and changing to something very laid out and simplified for the rest of the year.  If Delta loves those other things then let them be done in free time (by his own choice, not assigned).  And free time doesn’t happen until all assigned work is done and checked by you.

What I’m envisioning I guess is you dedicating the morning hours to sit with them while all school is done.  It seems time intensive but really would save you so much time because you wouldn’t be trying to get them to come back and finish what they didn’t do.   Dedicate 3 hours (8:30-11:30).  There is no real reason school should take longer than that with a more streamlined approach.

Yes, we want the ideal CM homeschool.  But the reality is you haven’t been able to make that fit your family for a long time.  Reality sometimes stinks…LOL….but accept it and try this for the rest of the school year.

And for Golf, you know they’re too young.  So if they aren’t doing it on their own as play then you shouldn’t expect anything to be done.  Period.  Is perhaps part of the trouble the older 3 are giving you because they were started early like Golf and are burned out?  I know you are burned out.  I bet they are too.

((HUGS))  You know I say this in love.  I want you to find a healthy balance and something that works.  Drastic may be your only option.

Drastic change can be hard and scary…..exciting, but hard and scary.  So I’ll be praying for you, SuzukiMom, as you sift through all the great advice here and start figuring out a NEW rhythm for your days.