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ready to throw in the towel
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This is my second year of homeschooling my twin 10 year olds. My ds has struggled with his attitude on a daily basis. I didn’t think I was going to make it last year, but we kept going. This year started out better, but lately the attitude has been quite bad again. He doesn’t put any heart into his education. He whines about pretty much anything and everything he is asked to do. He doesn’t like the books we are reading. He doesn’t want to do narrations. He huffs and puffs his way through our day. I told him I feel like his punching bag. It is so hurtful to our relationship. I haven’t always been the most patient mom either. I know I lose my cool as well and often have to ask for his forgiveness. I just don’t know what to do and really feel like it might be best to send him to a private school. I’ve never seen a more miserable child and I haven’t a clue why. He has it so good. It is unbelievable. Please help me make some sense of this if possible. I want to do the best for him and I don’t know what to that is right now. Thank you for listening.
I’m sorry that you and your ds are having so many struggles. It really makes the day loooong, doesn’t it? Since none of us are right there with you, it’s a bit hard to pinpoint the source of your struggles. Let me just throw out a few thoughts based on my experience as a mom of twins and a few more ‘sets’ of kids who are close in age and very close in abilities.
My twins were very competitive. If schoolwork comes easily to the other twin, maybe your ds drags his feet because he feels like he can’t keep up.
If the other twin is a girl, and you’re a girl, maybe you both tend to like things that are more “girly” . For example, my girls loved writing, some of my boys did to a lesser extent, but my boys tended to not like it as much as my girls. So, it could be a gender issue and you should try to find a balance in your schoolwork.
I suggest you try to assess their learning styles. You may find that one is auditory (loves listening to read-alouds); and the other is completely kinesthetic (cannot stand to be still to listen to read-alouds, must move in order to process information) You may find that your ds has a different learning style than you do as well, so you might need to search for ways to teach him that don’t come naturally to you. Even though it is much easier for you to work with both of them together, you might find that your ds would do better with a different type of curriculum OR would just do better if he wasn’t comparing himself with his twin. You could try doing separate math and LA for them and keep them combined for history and science, for example.
((Hugs)) Please hang in there. We have our struggles too. I was having similar thoughts a few weeks ago. I am half-way through Joanne Calderwood’s Self-Propelled Advantage on the kindle. She is at http://www.urthemom.com and this book has helped open my eyes to see some trouble sources that I had not seen before. It would support a CM method also. I highly recommend it. She was a teacher before homeschooling.
Hi,
I just wanted to agree with the poster above. I have 11 year old twin boys and I have had my share of struggles with one of them. He is a very kinesethetic learning, and his attention span is much shorter than his brothers. Until this year, read alouds were very very difficult. He has matured a bit over the summer and he has settled down a bit.
I did change them to different math programs about 3 or 4 grade. This one twin is very bright and couldn’t stand the review in some math programs, where his brother needs the review. I also make different accoomodations for him for some assignments. We do science and history together, but they do their own math. It has been helpful. And yes, my boys are competitive, especially the one who was having difficulties. Maybe that is playing a part in his attittude?
My other thought is” is he getting enough breaks? My one twin needs breaks often to keep his attitude good. He burns out easily so I make sure he is up and moving after 2 MAYBE 3 assignments/subjects. He goes outside during these breaks often and comes back refreshed.
I hope things improve soon. If you want more ideas of things that I have done, you can PM.
pj
Hi stephw2. I want to encourage you. Since you started schooling your twins at age 10, they must have been attending school elsewhere before that. Please give your ds and yourself some grace. You are both adjusting to being with each other 24/7, so IMHO, the first year after pulling a child(ren) out of school is a year of feeling each other out, so to speak. While learning will take place, it is a year of transition and is often a rough one. The second year is a year where you figure out how each child really learns best, etc. So please, do not be discouraged because of what you see as it is completely within the range of “normal” as children transition from a school environment where they are supposed to go to learn to understanding that learning can take place regardless of the building they are in.
Having said that, may I ask if he also doe this with anything else? Is there ever a time outside of school work when this is his reaction or default behavior?
Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging words. I am really praying as well for clarity and grace in this situation. I appreciate those with twins chiming in with some great advice. I have b/g twins. My dd is an avid reader and quite good with narrations. I think this does intimidate her brother. I just feel like it would be very difficult to do the same history but with each one individually. I like combining science and history for my own time issues, but could do them separately if necessary. I still read out loud to them from their books except for their literature which they read on their own. They are quite capable at reading, but we are still working on oral narration…especially for ds. This is where his apathetic attitude gets hard to deal with.
I really need to study more about learning styles b/c I do feel like he is more kinestetic. He does move around a lot and likes to do dramatic narrations with movement. He asked me the other day if we could do more activities rather than just reading all the time. I just have to figure out what that will look like with CM.
Blue j–He doesn’t really act this way out in public or in a church setting. At home, this seems to always be his default behavior. 🙁
http://simplycharlottemason.com/timesavers/narration/
Scroll down and there are ideas for more activities for narration.
Wings2fly – Thanks for the link. I hadn’t seen that before.
stephw2 – I don’t have twins, so I can’t advise in that area. But, I have a 10yodd who, although she likes when I read to her, if she does not have pictures in the story to look at, she needs to be doing something with her hands. Maybe you are already doing this, but if your ds has a hard time sitting for reading, you may want to have things for him to do with his hands while you are reading. My dd likes to draw and color, and as you can see on the next to last trait on the list below, having a snack helps too. CM does have a lot of reading. My dd has dyslexia and also some difficulties with language expression. So, I have not formally begun narration. But she has good reading comprehension. The unit study I am using right now has comprehension questions for the core books we are reading. So, I am using some of those. Also, I found some resources for these books, and one is where there are 6 events from each chapter printed out. I cut them in strips, and then after a chapter is read, my dd has to put them in the order they occurred, and then she glues them onto construction paper. I know this isn’t narration, but it is helping her learn to put things in order, and also giving her something to do with her hands. I want to begin formal narration next year. These are just some ideas if you need to change some things for a while. HTH
Major Traits of the Tactile-Kinesthetic Learner
•Remembers what they DO very well.
•Remembers best through getting physically involved in whatever is being learned.
•Enjoys acting out a situation relevant to the study topic.
•Enjoys making and creating.
•Enjoys the opportunities to build and physically handle learning materials.
•Will take notes to keep busy but will not often use them.
•Enjoys using computers.
•Physically expresses interest and enthusiasm by getting active and excited.
•Has trouble staying still or in one place for a long time.
•Enjoys hands-on activities.
•Tends to want to fiddle with small objects while listening or working.
•Tends to want to eat snacks while studying.
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