Raising Godly Tomatoes users

I have read through it and used it’s tequniques for a while now.  As far as harshness goes I don’t think it’s that harsh.  If you really want your children to do what you ask when you ask, then you have to train them to do that.  So if they don’t do as asked the first time or refuse then there are consiquences.  The only harshness would come from you if you are in a spirit of anger, unfortunately I know this from experiance.  If you sit down with your chidren and explain that there are some new rules and consequences then follow through while staying calm and quiet there won’t be as much resentment.  They are still not going to be happy about consequences, what kid is, but your staying calm and not getting angry will help a lot. 

We are not isolated.  We watch some tv and my kids play outside with a lot of children.  We live on a military base with a park right outside our front door (its a blessing and a curse).  They have picked up behaviors I am not happy with but I correct them as soon as I see what I don’t like and it hasn’t been to much of an issue.  My ds, 7, only needs to be corrected 2-3 times and he is good.  My dd,3, needs at least 50 before it even begins to sink in. 

Like all things consistancy is the key.  I don’t spank as much because it wasn’t working as well as the corner does but they get put in the corner as soon as they have disobeyed or been disrespectful.  If I slip and don’t go about correcting them when needed then we don’t have “smooth and easy days”.  But that is on me and not on any parenting style or system. 

I hope that helps answer some questions.

It’s been awhile since I have read through the material. I know I like some of the principles but I had concerns about what seemed to me to be overly sheltering. However, I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to take the concepts that fit your family and leave those that cause a yellow light. There is not a one size fits all parenting style. And that may need to change with each child. You have to use what brings peace to your family without trying to follow someone else’s method exactly. We can take ideas of others and apply them. But following something to a T just because someone else you should do it that way is just asking for problems.

I have mixed feelings about the book myself. I have the book and have used it. There are parts that have been helpful and other parts not so much. I agree with the above posters in regards to discpine being oftentimes a very individual thing, the priniples don’t change, but the method might, and I’ve found with my own children it has to at times in order to be effective. While each of them are expected to obey, the same EXACT thing doesn’t work universally for each one of them. (Alone in a their room for child works better than the corner for example) As far as your specfic concerns, regarding isolation, this is how I think about it. Maybe it will help you. I think of myself and husband as “filters” we monitor what are children are exposed to when. Some things are fine, some things need to wait until they are older, some things need to wait until they are mature enough to be discussed, and some things will never cross the threshold of our home. We are raising children to live in this world, and it’s just plain yucky at times, so yes there are some things my kids will not be doing, seeing or going to that other children do, but we don’t live in insolation (well sort of if you count living in the country! but that’s not what I meant by isolation…) on account of what’s out there, we just pay attention to what are children are exposed to, probably more carefully than other families do, but our kids are young, all under 7. So I figure it goes with the territoriy for the time being, and things will change as they get older and mature. I certainly don’t want to handicap them by not giving them the tools necessary to deal with the real world, but at the same time I don’t feel it’s necessary for my children to be exposed to things they’re not ready for yet.

If I remember correctly, your family is going overseas as missionaries, to Africa ?? What your children need to know will obviosuly be different than what mine do, since we live in rural farm country (SMILE). Yours will likely need to know more about some things! You don’t need to me to tell you this, aside from the animals, climate and environment being different, the people will be too – the language is only the beginning… what your children will need to know as your family ministers to the people you meet, will definiatly be different what my children need to know as they help us sell products in the city at the farmers market. How amazing to spread the Gospel and share God’s love in another country and have your children share in that expeirence! So, pray for wisdom in that area, and God is faithful to give us the knowledge and wisdom we need. As for the harshness…I had a couple of thoughts on that too, but it is really getting late so they’ll have to keep until tomorrow. Or maybe someone else post on that.