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Preschooler rejecting "roomtime"
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My 4 year old son does not want to have what I call “roomtime”. It is a special play time when he can play in his room all by himself (which he shares w/his 2 brothers) for a specific amount of time – usually 30 minutes. My older son loved it and did it great w/roomtime, even at a much younger than 4. But the 4 year old, who is the middle son, acts like it’s a punishment and cries and says that we are doing all the fun stuff and that he wants to be w/someone. Even when I do preschool first and give him my undivided attention before roomtime, he does not want to go into the room by himself. I really would like just 30 minutes to do school w/the older son with him not in the same room – he can serve as a distraction even if he doesn’t intend to. Sometimes I try putting the baby brother w/him in the room in his crib so that “someone” is in the room and that doesn’t really work either. The 4 year old is a very physically affectionate kid, but I think it’s good for him to have a little bit of time to himself.
Am I wrong about this? I’m not sure if I should force him or not…
I would first try to dig deeper into the reason he doesn’t like time alone. There must be a reason that he doesn’t like being alone. Is he scared, bored,etc. If it really is because he thinks that he is missing out, maybe you could just have a talk with him and the older one to let him know that what you are doing is not as fun as he thinks it is. Get the older one to tell him how hard he is working and that it’s nice that he gets this time to play. Maybe he just can’t think of anything to do on his own. You could get him some games or little projects that are just his and he is only allowed to play with them during his roomtime. Then he would have something to look forward to. He gets to play with these special projects while his older sibling is “working”. Take the intrigue away and maybe he won’t obect to roomtime anymore.
My four year old would not be cool with roomtime either! She thinks she can keep up with her seven year old sister, but like you said, there are times when you need to have uninterupted time to work with an older child. We do our school work in the dining room. I cleared out a low drawer that we call the “activity drawer”. It is for all the supplemental things we are using that week-puzzles, coloring books, magazine articles, toys. I include a new preschool activity bag every week that our 4 year old gets to use first. She does that activity or something else from the drawer when I am working with her sister. She thinks it is cool b/c she gets out of school work (even though she is doing Egypt paperdolls or something!) and they are HER activities. I have gone to two preschool activity bag swaps where you get instructions to make 20 of the same activity in a freezer bag (bead patterning, number recognition, etc) then you get together and swap what you made with the other 19 people and you come home with 20 different activities. I don’t know the name of the book but could look into it if you would like, it was super easy to find enough moms to fill a swap. I have also purchased books at teacher’s stores that have “take-them-to-your-seat” activities that you can make and fill bags, very similar. Again, it makes them feel special and included while still giving you time to work with an older child. I don’t know if I would be able to get a full 30 minutes though! What about a book on cd or mp3 player? He might think that was very grown up and cool too.
We do a daily quiet time with everyone in their rooms on their beds for 1 to 1 1/2 hours. That means the 8yo, 5yo, 4yo, and 2yo. The 10 month old is usually napping at this time as well. The rules are they must be in their bed and must be quiet. They are allowed 1 toy and all the books they want. I play an audiobook or music some days, but many days I simply turn on the white noise machine.
We have done queit time now for over a year, so we began with younger children. In the beginning it was important to make it through 20 minutes. We added 5 minutes each week. We also have quiet time every day, including weekends. (It is wonderful!) My wiggler son (the now 5 year old) really loves having Legos. Having something to listen to is a big help as well, though he does fine without it now too. It was a long, slow process for him to accept it cheerfully.
The big difference at my house is that everyone is in quiet time at the same time. I do all homeschool work with all the children together/awake. One on one time happens as I give the other children specific tasks/toys/activities to do.
I think having special toys or puzzles during that time would be great for your child, and an audio book to listen to could make a big difference too. Good luck!
Thank you all for your suggestions! I’ve used a little bit of everyone’s advice and roomtime went much smoother, although it is still an area that we need to work on. My son keeps insisting that he wants to BE with someone, so I leave the younger brother with him, sometimes in the crib and sometimes out. It is a transistion for the little brother to be alone w/the 4 year old, so I just do it for short periods of time and keep my ears open and give the two some time to prove themselves that they can be trusted alone for a little bit. I also tried not allowing any toys to be played with UNTIL roomtime, which made the 4 year old very anxious to play legos or playmobil or cars & trucks, etc. I think the biggest impact was that Daddy got involved. We had a family meeting and each had an “assignment” to help make homeschool better. We each prayed to God for His help on our “assignment”. Daddy’s was to ask the boys how school was and/or what they learned about each day when he came home for work. And really sit there and listen to whatever they wanted to tell him. It has created a sense of accountability in the boys and then I can remind them during the day, “Okay guys, what am I going to tell Daddy when he asks about school today?” And I reminded the 4 year old several times, “Remember Daddy really needs you to complete roomtime to help with our school day and we’ll tell him what a big boy you were today!”
Thank you all for your encouragement and great ideas!
It sounds like you have a sanguine on your hands! If you are not familiar with the four personality types (choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholy), I would suggest you make yourself familiar. Sanguines HATE to be alone, away from all the action. But of course, they should obey. If you can understand your son’s personality, perhaps you can get creative with ways to help him obey during room time.
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