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Prayer and Adoption
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I thought I would enlist all the prayer warriors I could.
My dh and I have always wanted to adopt. We feel that there are many children out there needing a good home and we can provide that so instead of having more of our own children, we planned adoption. That hasn’t happened. Our dds are 5 and 7 now. I also always wanted my children all close in age, that obviously isn’t going to happen now.
My neice is pregnant. She is 20, not married and not mature enough to raise a child. Her current boyfriend is not the father. She was wanting to have an abortion, but thankfully has moved on past that. She is considering keeping the child and raising him with her current boyfriend who told her to put his name on the birth certificate. With her choices and life I can see that being a HUGE mistake. My SIL is trying to convince her to adopt the baby out. I have told them that if she makes that choice that she can talk to us and we will have a serious conversation about that possibility. The baby is a boy and due in October. My heart has already gone to this baby and my arms ache to hold him.
I pray that God leads in the decision for this little boy. I pray that what is best for him will happen. If she were to ask us to adopt him, we have a lot of hoops to jump through between now and then. One major one being a homestudy. And then the finances to make it happen. If this is what the Lord wants, though, he can make it all happen. I don’t know when we will know anything. It could be several months.
I also want to pray that my neice is able to quit smoking. She has cut down, but is still smoking about 2x a day. I thank the Lord that she quit drinking and is eating regular meals (she has struggled with bulemia) and keeping them down.
Thank you. It will help to know that their are others out there praying for this matter, too.
I will keep this in my prayers, but in reading this I can see a situation arising that could be fraught with stress and tension – the fact that the young lady and her current boyfriend are willing to raise this child and he is willing to put his name on the birth certificate is a sign that they are trying to do what is right. You will need to make sure that you do not interfere in what should in the end be their decision. We cannot and should not decide who is suitable to raise a child, we all know of situations where pehaps the baby is not in ideal circumstances – however unless it is being harmed or neglected, we should not assume we should take the baby away. Do not let your own desires cloud you to the problems that could arise if you push this issue too hard – your neice is not a child, though you may not approve of her lifestyle – but she must be the one to make this decision without pressure from anyone else, especially someone who would like the child for herself – you cannot be unbiased in that situation. You have made the offer, that is all you can do – if she chooses to keep the child herself, then so be it. I would hate to see family strife arise over this which could easily happen – this may not be what you wanted to hear, but it is what I think and so take it as that. I will pray – but I cannot help think your desire to have another child may be clouding you a little – encouraging her to be healthy herself and to raise the child well herself, would be what I would be aiming for – you don’t want her to have regrets because she was pressured into giving him up – at this point she deserves support and love, not pressure to give the child up. Sorry but this is a very delicate thing that could so easily backfire – and I would hate that to happen for everyone’s sake.
I will certainly keep this in prayer. The Lord’s will be done!
Would your niece be receptive if you told her that there are people you’ve asked who are praying for her? If she would appreciate hearing that someone is praying for the best future for her and her baby boy, by all means mention that I’m praying for her.
Blessings,
Sue
I by no means plan to get in the way of her deciding to keep the baby or not. They know that we are willing to discuss that option if they should decide to and that is where I am leaving it. In fact, I had that conversation with her Mom, not her. If she decides to go the route of adoption, then her Mom can mention it to her. Knowing my neice I don’t think she is trying to do what is right. The only reason she hasn’t aborted the baby yet is because she didn’t have the money. She is very caught up in whatever gets her attention and right now that is being pregnant. She likes being the damsel in distress and that needs to be saved. There is a lot more behind all that issue. I do firmly believe that if a mother is willing to give a child the best home possible, then that is the best place for the child. I am thankful that she has made some good changes due to the pregnancy and hope that they continue. I have a very hard time seeing her grow up and be responsible right now and none of her friends are ones to encourage that. I would love to be proved wrong.
My SIL is concerned about the fact that the boyfriend is saying he is willing to put his name on the birth certificate but he is not willing to discuss marriage. The baby is not his and he hasn’t been dating my neice very long. If he is committed, then where is the marriage discussion? Good question.
Pangit,
As an adoptive Mom of three and Mom to five, I have to say I see some real concerns in your post. You say “my heart has already gone to this baby and my arms ache to hold him”, but he is not yours.
Please know I mean that with all due respect. It is just that I see from a different perspective.
Adoption is a beautiful answer for many, but it is not without GREAT LOSS especially to the child.
There is no easy answer here. Prayers for this situation and especially for this little child …
We will keep you and this little baby in our prayers as well. Your story is very similar to our family’s. About 3 years ago my niece (on my husband’s side) became pregnant, very young/immature, etc. Her parents talked her into having the baby and we seriously considered adoption, but her parents (the grandparents) have taken on the responsibility of her and the baby (which is only right). Boy, did my heart ache for the baby…we really wanted her, but since it did not turn out that way, we are happy for the outcome (they both live with grandparents, my husband’s bro. and wife). I will admit that I was concerned though about us adopting and them being family. I was concerned that if they allowed it how they would react to our way of parenting, etc. Even though we technically would have been the parents, I was very concerned as to how that would affect the dynamics of the family. Do you live close by where there would be weird feelings having the niece see the baby, if adoption were to happen, of course??
May God really let you know His perfect will.
Yes, my heart has gone out to this dear baby and my arms do ache to hold him. My heart has also gone out to and ache to hold another soon to arrive niece or nephew. That doesn’t mean that I expect either child to be mine. I love the child. They are a real life even though they are not born. They both deserve to be loved and cherished. Thankfully the latter will be. Unfortunately the one I have asked prayer for has already had his life in danger. His own mother’s first desire is to do away with him. Her own words are that she doesn’t want to have or raise the baby.
I have the same concerns, my3boys, about adopting from family. My dh and I have talked about this and haven’t said absolutely we would adopt. I don’t see a reason to make that decision when she hasn’t fully decided what she plans to do. We have only told them that we would be willing to have a serious conversation if this is the route she chooses to go. It has surprised me that my SIL isn’t offering to adopt. I think that is probably mostly because my brother probably doesn’t want to. My niece lives several hours away. We do see her several times a year, but it isn’t as much as if we lived in the same town.
I am not asking for prayers that we get to adopt the baby, and I am sorry that I didn’t express myself well enough for that to be understood. I am asking for prayers for the child’s best interest. I pray that my neice continues in the changes she has made in her life, for the baby’s health and permanently for her own health. I pray for the child’s life. I pray that if she does choose to keep the baby that she will be committed to him and not herself, that she will become responsible and think of him first instead of herself and that she doesn’t go back to partying all night long on most nights. And, I pray that if she does choose to adopt out and we do have the conversation that we will have the wisdom to make the right decision of whether or not we would adopt.
Just thought I’d share this site about adoption… https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/pregnant
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