Please pray for me!

I was/ am so glad to be home. My children were so happy to see me ( and the 4 owies on my abdomen!). But I have been learning a few things the hard way. Like as comfortable as my bed at home is…don’t let it entice me…made that mistake last night. I’m not supposed to twist and can’t sit straight up because those abdominals don’t work properly yet…I was a pitiful beached whale as I learned that lesson. I must admit the hospital bed worked so much better for my ability to mechanically sit up. So after that crazy painful extraction from my longed for bed, I went to the recliner that is part of our couch. Still hard, but easier. My littlest slept on the couch with his head barely touching me, happy as a lark. My eldest dd slept on the opposite couch, also thrilled. Took all my Meds, so sleep began.

However, I forgot that I no longer had nurses waking me to give the next dose of Meds…and I was tired and drugged so didn’t even think of setting an alarm. I missed two doses of Meds and woke to a kick boxer kicking me from the inside, taking my breath away. Intense stuff. I won’t do that again! I couldn’t believe the pain or my missing those nurses who kept waking me up!

I am glad to be home, but I’ve learned a few new necessities during this recovery…like setting an alarm!

I am so thankful that a few different friends are on rotation and are coming to the house for the next few days to watch/care for the children…and apparently keep an eye on me!

It’s been an hour since I woke to so much pain, and I’m just now getting my breath back.

Now that I have learned a few new house rules, I will be fine, though I suspect I’ll miss that mechanical hospital bed for some time..can you believe I said that?! Lol

I want to thank everyone for yor prayers, care, and support. My family and I appreciate it.

Have a blessed day,

Jo

Hi all,

Am doing pretty well, considering.  Still really tired and in pain.  I sleep a lot.  And when I wake, my husband or friends offer me food like I should be starving–since hadn’t eaten yet today or some such.  Funny thing is I am rarely hungry anymore.  Pretty much I only get hungry before bed. I have always hated going to bed on an empty tummy.  🙂  My digestive plumbing was really struggling with getting back on the job, but it finally did what needed to be done, after a full day of intense pain.  I am still seriously blown up like a balloon.  It is kind of funny that when I lost all the weight, I looked like a deflated balloon, and now since surgery and the filling up of the abdominal cavity with the air, I look like a balloon that is about to pop!  My abdomen is actually as hard as when pregnant and very stuck out and round.  Being full of air is quite weird and uncomfortable, but I keep walking like they said in between naps and have hope it will eventually go down.

I am sorry that I haven’t updated before.  I’ve been quite drugged and mostly out of it, sleeping or confused, or just trying to keep moving when I am so tired.

But each day sees improvement.  And I actually ate supper last night.  It was quite tasty.  I savored the act of chewing!  LOL

I have had the most support I have ever had.  It has been amazing.  Different moms with children have come and watched over the children, cooked, cleaned, and tried to keep an eye on me.  I am a menace to myself medicated.  I can hardly remember if and what I took even with it written down.  I fall asleep in the middle of taking something, and then can’t remember if I took it or not.  And I keep trying to skip medicines cause I hate that feeling of being confused and out of control…but then the pain gets so bad, that I am in full birth breathing trying to exist til the next allowed dose.  It seems to be better to just take as prescribed instead of trying to stretch it out…cause then it is tolerable, not great, but not out of head in pain!  It has been educational to watch the other mom’s with their and with my children as well.  I have learned quite a bit.  I love getting to see examples of Godly Mothering up close and personal.

I did have a set back mentally yesterday.  My husband is a wonderfully sweet and gentle fellow who jumps in and does whatever needs to be done, dishes, diaper, toilet cleaning, cooking, whatever.  However the young women at his work had told him several times that I would be so much better as soon as I woke up from surgery.  And would be completely back to my normal routine in two or three days post op.  I had made seriously good strides each day and felt very calm and content, knowing that we were all being taken care of, and that this part of the healing process would pass soon and we would start our school year soon…within a week or two…maybe as early as Monday, but if not…sometime soon.  Point is I was not stressed about it.

Until–due to stress from an upcoming meeting dh was dreading, my husband confessed that his expectation was that I would already be up and on the job…thereby relieving him of some of the extra duties he had taken on.  He was very tired, and I could see stressed.  But I was crushed by the sudden pressure that I should already be well.  I am at least a decade or two older than the girls in the office.  I have been sick for 6 wks.  Lost 16 lbs b/c I was starving.  Have celiac disease and several other factors including a thrombophilia that is affecting my healing…and I was doing really really good.  Calm and peaceful even as I did what needed to be done and rested in the fact that this whole gallbladder issue is being resolved…inch by inch back to wellness. 

Comparison is the thief of joy!  I say this a lot.  And wow…it is so true.  I went from calmly taking what was coming my way with a peaceful gentle spirit…to a whole gallery of voices yelling at me in my head…questioning my every move…Aren’t you being lazy just sitting here?  You should walk more.  Do you actually need help?  Couldn’t you do this all yourself?  Buck up and deal with that pain…you’ve been through worse, etc. etc. etc.

I’ve worked on it for a whole day…and the truth is, I need a bit of time to heal.  I’m me.  And I’m where I am, and I am thankful that I am healing.  This could have been a whole lot worse.  My husband has tried to apologize.  He was overly tired and stressed himself…he’s not a bad guy.  But putting these unrealistic expectations on me, has really tested my ability to forgive and to be at peace again.  All of my friends and family say that I am the least lazy person they know, and yet that voice in my head is so loud.  I can hardly believe that someone who got back to their normal routine in two or three days had the power to derail me so, when it came from my husband’s mouth.  Normal routine…mmm…homeschooling four special needs children?  or just going to a quiet desk job?  There’s a thought.

Anyways, I am reaching for the Peace that Passes all Understanding…and asking the Lord to help me forgive my husband for hurting my feelings so badly.  He didn’t mean to.  I can see that.  But I admit, it is hard.  When my friend and her adult daughter and 9 y/o dd and 2 y/o came over yesterday, it was extremely hard not to feel less than and not good enough when she was so amazingingly capable.  I would not have felt that way except my husband had dropped the expectation bomb on me the night before.  I also am trying to give myself (and him) some grace b/c I am vulerable right now, weak, tired, and sensitive.  All those meds do quite a number.

I didn’t tell you all this to talk bad about my fellow.  He’s actually awesome.  And I don’t think he intended to wound me.  But he did.  And I am trying to process it and let it go… 

Thanks for listening.

Jo