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Playing With Your Kids
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I just wanted to add. That being at night by the time dh comes home he is tired, exhausted and totally wiped from work we don’t do a lot in the evening (especially right now with it so hot and humid outside). So weekends are usually more our playful times. This is great and wears the kids out!
Also we have 6 kids and every Tuesday night one of them get’s to spend and hour with us (18mo old is working on blanket time near us) and we do WHATEVER they want. Even if it’s castle for the 4th 1-on-1 time in a row. We smile, laugh and try and make the most of it. But you know what they look forward to that time and know exactly how long it is till it’s there night. This is a special time for M & D to be alone to listen, play and just be with that one child. This is great gift we can give them with many children. And we feel it’s important, so that we do it all 11 months only taking off for December because of so much going on.
Just wanted to add that. Also my mom did not play with me she was single, and worked 2 jobs almost my entire childhood and we don’t have a great relationship we have a good relationship. But then again she wasn’t even “home”. We have a good relationship though and that’s enough for me. I know that I am giving my children more than she was “able” to give me. She needed to work. I know that now that I’m older and I understand.
But I’m home, I’m there to see every boo-boo, every new coloring picture, every 1st step and I’m the one teaching them to read, write, make meals and get along. I know that will count for more than anything one day when they get older. Just wanted to add. misty
This post has been great and burden lifting to read. I found it easy to play with my first 2 daughters, now 15 and 13, but with the addition of each child, especially the boys, I have had a harder time. Amen to the post about the guilt being from the enemy! We as homeschooling moms, are here all day with our children and they are always spending time with us, and this means alot, even if it’s not all playtime.
It reminds me of what Sonya talks about in the free ebook resource, Masterly Inactivity, when she talks about CM’s idea of not to be “overmuch” with the children…ie that we don’t have to be hovering/playing with them every minute.
Nanci
I can SO relate! My boys are both quite young (1 1/2 and 3), and I really just have zero interest in making cars and trains zoom around on things for hours! We just got a nice set of wooden blocks, and my 3yo mostly just wants me to build things so “THomas can knock dat house over!’ Even the things he builds are train/car related, like ramps for them to go down and garages for them to park in 🙂 Luckily, the 18mo is old enough to play a lot of things with him now, so they keep each other entertained. Meanwhile, I read and do housework and mediate the occasional squabble.
I’m so glad to see this discussed! When my kids were infants/toddlers I didn’t mind doing the baby type toys and we have always read ALOT! However, I have often told my husband and my mom friends that I don’t like to “play”. I love to play board games, kick the soccer ball around with my boys and even run with my oldest (though sadly he is much faster than me so we don’t do this often since I’m too slow for him!), but I don’t enjoy cars, trucks, trains, etc. If I had girls, I could see myself doing a tea party but I wouldn’t be able to endure hours of girly make believe play either! My husband, on the other hand, is great at playing!
I have always felt like if the “play” doesn’t have a purpose or an ending it gets on my nerves… I will happily build a sand castle with my kids at the beach, but I don’t want to want to push a hotwheel car around the room pretending to race!
So glad to see I’m not alone! Wonder what Sonya would say about Charlotte’s opinion on othis topic!
“It is not her [the mother’s] business to entertain the little people” (Vol. 1, p. 45).
“In order to give the children room for free development on the lines proper to them, it is well that parents and teachers should adopt an attitude of ‘masterly inactivity‘ ” (Vol. 3, Preface).
Chantelle, I’m glad you pointed out play without a purpose. My dd5 constantly wants me to play stuffed animals with her, except her idea of “playing” is that the stuffed animals carry on totally pointless conversations with each other. That’s one of my least favorite things to play!
Sonya, thank you for posting Charlotte’s words on this topic. That, plus what everyone said, has really encouraged me that I’m not alone and that I’m doing the right thing as far as CM is concerned.
I’m glad I finally got over my fear and asked the question!
Oh I am so happy to read this post!
Sonya, I love that first quote! I have gone back and forth between guilt and knowing that I have to take care of the things that need to be taken care of, but then I would think well I need to take care of the kids, but they have to eat but they need to feel loved and so on and so on…
But FINALLY a few months ago I was thinking about it and and I thought, I have to teach my children to respect other peoples feelings….including mine. I have to respect who they are and they should do the same for me…I am not saying you should never go out of your way or be uncomfortable for the sake of your children….but what kind of example am I setting for my children if all we do is play all day and I let the house fall down around us because I’m afraid if I turn them down their feelings will be hurt or there is never a home cooked meal because I was to busy playing with them. I show my children that they are important to me by listening to them when they speak, and treating them as I would want to be treated. If I liked to do 5 mile hikes in the woods every weekend and my grandma didn’t want to come along, that wouldn’t mean she didn’t love me or apprieciate me…it would simply mean we were at different stations in our life, and didn’t enjoy the same things but there are plenty of other things we can enjoy together…know what I mean…..I hope this makes sense…I keep trying to make sure it doesn’t come across cold. I absolutely hate playing pretend, cars, etc, but I cannot even begin to explain how much I enjoy watching my children play. You get to see all the little things they picked up when you didn’t think they were watching…another thing I am just thinking about is that when you do play with your children,at least for me anyway, it is hard not to lead the play, and if you are leading they are not dicovering things for themselves…you are not allowing them to develop their own ideas…you are telling them how it should go…kwim
and yes I am aware my writing/grammar is terrible…I promise not to let my dc use it for copy work…lol ; )
I don’t play with my kids in that down on the floor with toys way either. I did some when they were littler and there were fewer of them but I usually found it boring pretty quickly. They are better able to amuse themselves now plus they have each other (I currently have 4 kids ages 5 through 10). I do play board and card games with them. My dd has been taking tennis this summer and I enjoy practicing with her though we are both terrible at this point. My point is that as your kids grow you may find other things that you enjoy doing with them.
I don’t play with my kids in that down on the floor with toys way either. I did some when they were littler and there were fewer of them but I usually found it boring pretty quickly. They are better able to amuse themselves now plus they have each other (I currently have 4 kids ages 5 through 10). I do play board and card games with them. My dd has been taking tennis this summer and I enjoy practicing with her though we are both terrible at this point. My point is that as your kids grow you may find other things that you enjoy doing with them.
I know this is an old post but I think it speaks to something I am struggling with. We have 4: 8, 6.5, 3.5, 1. Our oldest has special needs and needs to be shown how to do almost everything. Yes, even simple play things, social situations, etc. I have had to be the playmate to a certain degree to teach her. She has come so far and can do so much but she still needs so much attention. We have slowly removed ourselves from that role to a degree for obvious reasons.
I know the importance of taking care of yourself first but every time I try to set up a time to do something it gets interrupted…constantly. This is from the baby waking earlier than expected, 3.5 yo accidentally wet her pants, etc. then I feel resentment that I can’t do anything. Sometimes I wonder if the Lord is asking me to die to myself completely for my family…that sounds horrible and maybe a little extreme…and maybe some of you won’t fully grasp what I’m saying b/c you don’t have someone with such needs.
But part of me really wants to have a hobby. I’m too stinking tired to do anything at night or wake up early (baby wakes at 6). When do all of you find time to pursue your masterly activity? Is it daily, weekly? I’m not trying to compare but when I see mom’s doing photography, gardening, exercise..whatever it is I am totally floored how they get it done.
Any thoughts, words of wisdom??? Thanks.
I guess it varies from season to season, from week to week. Currently, I DON’T play with our girls. I’m canning food, trying to get some school done, tyring to remember to make meals, over-seeing chores.
However, when life eases up a bit, I MIGHT play a board game or something.
As for “me-time” or hobbies…..well, I sneak it in. I sit at the sewing machine and just get one seam sewn. Or if that’s impossible, I make lists. Lots and lots of lists with what I want to do. And if I still haven’t been able to actually physically do something, I start revising the lists and putting them in the order of what I want to do……This all sounds totally crazy!!! But, seriously – if I can’t physically do my hobby, then I day-dream about it. And read about it (when in the bathroom, stealing 10 minutes before sleeping at night, etc.). And makes lists about it. It seems to carry me through until I can actually physically do my hobby.
Now that you all think I’m loony, I’ll go make some lists while my chicken is canning!
I have never played with my kids. I think it’s weird and not really fun and I have other things to do! I know that sounds so harsh but I’ve just always been this way with my kids. I adore my children, love homeschooling and am very engaged in their lives. I am happy to help facilitate things, keep things interesting, make sure there is variety and interest surrounding them but it stops there. I’m not about to vroom things, make up voices with dolls, etc. And yes, they’ve expressed that they wish I would from time to time. But that passes. They learn independence and how to be creative on their own. I’m creative and engaged with them but not at their games and such. Children do not and should not need entertaining. Just love.
Mrsmccardell – I am one who DOES play with my kids, but I am also one who had to get involved in play based therapy (for Mason) so there are some things I had to do regardless of my preference. I think it’s challenging, especially in your situation, because your child who needs the interaction help is your oldest. In my situation Mason came 7th, so there is a houseful of older siblings who can and will do some of his play based therapy (for him it is physical therapy). It doesn’t all rest on me, though I am the one responsible to make sure it happens.
However, I have felt the struggle to find time for my own personal development. I still feel it often! Especially right now, where Mason literally needs me beside him every minute he is awake post-surgery. (He’s sleeping right now, hence I can write!) I think the one time of day that truly gives me the time to rest, refresh, and even pursue my own personal development is quiet time in the afternoon. It is the one part of the day where nobody is allowed to get up and pester mommy (and the littlest ones are consistently sleeping). It has developed over years of practice and training each new child and it is something I protect fiercely. We say NO to so many activities that would run through this time (and say yes to a very occasional activity when it is of great worth).
Other small ways I find time are to print out or write down some small passage, quote, or blog post I want to ponder. I look at it first thing in my day and have it in view where I will spend some time (kitchen, bathroom, somewhere I’m sure to be a few times during the day). I’ll even read it aloud to the kids. But then in the mundane minutae there are great ideas to consider.
I sometimes put up on the wall a picture/painting/etc or open a book to a piece of artwork that I want to soak in. I look at it and think about it. Or I make it the screensaver for my laptop.
I will plan an art or creative/handicraft project I want to try and then gather my children, hand them some part of the materials, and they will explore it while I work on the project. Ex: If I’m going to try sewing something they may get fabric, yarn and embroidery needle, or paper to ‘make a pattern’. If I want to try scrapbooking (I don’t, but I did once upon a time) I would give them pictures and paper to make a page (even sometimes using magazine pictures to do more of a collage). Again, this is a way that I end up playing with my kids, though I will also sit right down on the floor to play with them. And the more children I’ve had the more people they’ve had to play with so it is different that when I had just a few children. There are also times I simply include them in my own work when they ask to play, inviting them to join me in what I need to do.
Regarding the dying to self – yes. Yes, that has been a part of my becoming a mother. It’s one way God polishes my rough edges and molds me to be more like Jesus. It is when I am stretched beyond my abilities that I am most likely to turn to Him and plead for help. And that is exactly the place where He can use me and shape me best.
Not sure if this was at all helpful but wanted you to know I understand in some ways the feelings and challenges. ((HUGS))
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