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Piano Woes
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I have a ds who has been taking piano lessons for a little over two years. He will be 8 in August. We have come to a place where practicing is becoming more of a challenge. He just does not want to practice. He enjoys the lessons. He enjoys the recitals. He enjoys playing. What have some of you done when faced with this? Do you continue the lessons? Do you stop? Do you allow the child to move to a different interest and then go back to piano at a later time? We use natural consequences as much as possible so my intuition says to stop reminding him and allow the consequences to occur when he shows up for his lesson and can not demonstrate his competency of the piece. But I guess I am wondering if this is a phase we just need to push through with him? Will he get to an age/place where he will be more inclined to practice? What has been your experience with piano lessons? Above all I want to do what is in his best interest and I feel that practicing is a “habit” that we need to work on. I just don’t know how to proceed with him.
We just have piano practice down as part of the morning chores routine. It doesn’t take too long. I also try to be as hands off as possible and let her practice on her own. I want piano to be a joy and a privilege rather than drudgery.. We also switched to lessons every other week. My daughter is almost nine and she started when she was seven.
I haven’t tried this, but an idea I’ve heard of is to burn a candle while they a practicing. When the candle is all burned down you do a special activity together.
Same here! My son is 7.5 and has begun protesting practicing the cello after taking formal lessons the last year. I have many of the same questions too. Do I push him to keep practicing? Do I let him take a break from formal lessons and play for fun on his on? Do we try a different teacher and music method? He’s still a young player, so it usually requires my attention and assistance during his daily practice. I’m hoping to pick up some tips on this topic too!
From personal experience, I took formal piano lessons for less than a year at age 8. I hated practicing because I felt like it was tedious and going nowhere. Months and months of daily playing from the “lesson book” and I had only a handful of “real” songs learned. My mom left the choice up to me and I quit almost immediately. At 12, I had a renewed interest in piano and purchased a keyboard on my own. I bought the music for Fur Elise and used the basic knowledge (note values and where they were on the piano) to figure out Fur Elise my own. I practiced it until I had it down. From there, I added in songs I wanted to learn, slowly progressing to harder and harder songs. Several years later, I taught myself a handful of other intruments. Definitely not an expert pianist by far, but I love my instruments and have done children’s music program accompaniments. From the age of 12 on, no one ever made me nor asked me to practice. Several friends of mine began piano at young ages (4 to 6). By 14, we were all playing at about the same level. Missing several years of formal lessons didn’t seem to make a difference.
Part of me wants to give my son the same choice in hope that he’ll come back to it when he wants with a better passion than now. He asked to play the cello two years ago. After a year of begging weekly, we got him the instrument and lessons. I think deep down, he wants to play. But maybe his brain isn’t quite ready to tackle the task (coordination, eye tracking of music, motor skills, etc). If I don’t push him, maybe he’ll come back to it in a few years. And I’ll never have to ask about practice again! The other part of me reads all the research on benefits of early instrument instruction, stories about children who ended up grateful their parents forced them to keep practicing, and how helpful instrument practice is at developing personal discipline and motivation. That part of me wants to tell him cello practice is character building and to get to it.
In the end, you know your child best and what he needs. (Boys also tend to learn music more slowly, according to my son’s teacher.) If practicing is going to ruin the relationship with him, is it worth it? Is there another skill he’d rather practice every day? Drawing, painting, model building, science discovery?? If he doesn’t learn an instrument at this age, is it going to be the end? I’m learning toward letting my son take next semester off. The natural consequence of this will loss of some skill (cello and in other areas like math and personal goal setting). He understands this and has still asked for some time off. He doesn’t want to be a professional cello player. Every serious musician I’ve ever met was very passionate about their instrument. It was/is their hobby. Something they want to do in their freetime. If you aren’t seeing that with your son, maybe a small break would be good for him?? Help him to miss it and mabye slip over there on his own just for fun?? Best wishes for sure!!
I think it’s a universal nearly 8yo thing. I hated and wanted to quit piano lessons at age 8. But my parents made me continue. And I grew up to get a BS in Music Ed and an MME (Master of Music Ed), taught 5 years in a public high school (choir, guitar, voice class, show choir), and have been teaching private piano lessons since my undergrad days.
My brother took piano adn at age 8, quit. I was so mad because my parents made me keep on! My brother picked up the sax (and lessons) later on, and did really well. Then he quit that too, before the end of high school.
My own daughter (whom I teach – not always a good thing), wants to quit – she’s 9 yo and not playing anywhere near the stuff I was playing at her age because she doesn’t like to practice and I forget to make her practice, or choose to not MAKE her practice because I don’t want her to hate music. But I think I’m wrong about this. I think I should be MAKING her practice, every day. It’s a discipline….and even if later on (say in high school) she quits, she’ll have gained so much more discipline and perseverance if I make her do this one thing.
So, my advice (that I’m not following currently!
) is to make him practice. I am not adverse to bribery/rewards, etc. for things like music lessons. Sometimes you need the sweet to get the bitter down, you know?I do agree, however, that if he’d rather do some other kind of skill-something (painting is what comes to mind, something like that – karate? something that requres practice) perhaps that would be better for him.
I firmly believe that kids need some kind of past-time that requires daily practice.
How long is your son practicing? My guideline is 5 minutes per school grade. So my 9yo is supposedly doing 20 minutes per day. It depends on the student and what they’re practicing, but sometimes it’s better to practice in 3 or 4 sessions per day. Or to have the student choose a goal (get my scale down perfectly) and work at that. When they’ve accomplished that goal, they get up from the piano or move on to a new goal, working towards their daily minute goal. I wouldn’t require more than 5 minutes per school grade each day, though. If he wants to practice more than that, fine.
So, perhaps you need to see if he’d like to break up his daily minutes. See if that sweetens it for a time. Or perhaps, he could verbalize a goal to you…and then when he’s practiced and met the goal, he could play it for you (to sort of “check it off) and then move on to a new goal.
Perhaps he could tally his practicing minutes and earn something – 100 minutes = extra dessert. 1000 minutes = something.
I think I ought to take my own advice!
We are having this issue with our 9 y/o ds. I have been discussing with him that piano lessons are only PARTLY about learning to make beautiful music. Even more importantly, to my husband and I, is the discipline of getting yourself to do what you don’t necessarily want to do. It’s about getting control of that will! The “I ought” of our homeschool motto. I keep encouraging ds that this is one of the most valuable lessons to be learned in life and if he can practice getting control of his will now, he will be in great shape for adulthood! I wish I had learned that lesson before my 40’s, lol. It’s a tough battle, but so worth it! I’m trying to appeal to his interest in knights and conquest 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement everyone! We are taking a 6-week break from lessons and re-examining the books he has been using. He confided in me over the weekend that the book he is working through is quite a bit more challenging than the series he just finished. I think it may be a little too difficult and he is getting overwhelmed and frustrated. Hopefully the little break before school starts up again will give him a little rest and he can then go forward with renewed determination. 🙂
) is to make him practice. I am not adverse to bribery/rewards, etc. for things like music lessons. Sometimes you need the sweet to get the bitter down, you know?
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