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Overwhelmed with my 7 yr old Strong willed son!!
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I don’t even know what to write, by head is swirling right now. My husband and I have a son who is 7, from an early age he was off the charts with energy and defiance. We go through huge swings in our home with him. Sometimes, if I am totally calm (and he watches me very closely) then we will have some level of normal. We’ve had success with Transforming the Difficult Child but right now nothing is working. I feel silly writing because I posted in the past during a good time about how well things were going. But right now, I’m burnt out. It starts with taking food into his room in the early morning while we’re asleep, sawing his window trim with a blade that he snuck out of the shed, drilling holes into his walls, hanging from closet doors, he destroys everything he touches and he would have to work until he was 100 to pay back all the things he’s broken of ours.
I feel soooo negative towards him. He shows no remorse for anything, only when he gets caught. We’ve been diligent about time with the Lord, bible devotions but he doesn’t see his sin at all. I feel like we are getting so far apart and I don’t know how to change the environment. I cry out to the Lord daily for help, but things have been a bit quiet on the other end. I reach out to my friends, but no one that I know has had a child that is so “hyper” and challenging. He is aggressive towards his friends, even those he loves, so that their parents don’t want to spend time with us. No one can watch him so my husband and I get no time to ourselves.
I’m just tired…… and afraid of what it will be like when he’s older. I don’t have it in me to read another book- I don’t mean that to sound bad but really I don’t. I need refreshed. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have it in me to be the mother he needs. I see and read about these sweet gentle women and I’ve never been that way.
I would appreciate any thoughts from you ladies.
I can totally relate to your situation.
Not saying that your son has a diagnosis, but this is similar to what we saw with our 3rd child, who is now 11, and was diagnosed with Asperger’s (high functioning autism) 3 years ago. It was good to have a “name” for this behavior so I didn’t have to blame myself (which I did…”if only I was a better mother, etc). I had many well-meaning people tell me I wasn’t disciplining him enough or in the right way. I tried everything but nothing worked.
Before he was diagnosed, his behavior was so horrible, I was ashamed to tell anyone but very close friends who I knew would pray. All I could see was him in jail. He’d come after me with knives, tell me he wanted to kill me or his siblings. He would go into screaming rages and kick and hit me. I’d have to literally hold him down and pray over him to calm him down. He would show no remorse at all for saying or doing horrible things, and often he would do these in public, like at the store. So many times I’d have to walk out of the store in humiliation.
Do not underestimate the power of praying for wisdom for this child. It is said that some of the children that are the hardest to handle turn out the best because they are so prayed for. And the power of a mother’s prayers crying out to the Lord are never left unheard. I cried out to the Lord for 6 long years (since he was 3 years old and started having strange behaviors) before He gave me the answer. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t hear you. Think of the parable of the widow and the unjust judge (Luke 18). Sometimes He uses the silence to build our trust in Him.
We found out in the last year after doing lots of biomedical treatments that his autism was caused from mercury poisioning from his vaccines. We have been doing a wonderful low dose chelation (to pull out the mercury) and I am getting my son back slowly.
One of the first things we tried when he was first diagnosed was to get him off anything artifical….no dyes, no food coloring (ie Red Lake 40, etc), no MSG, no nitrates or nitrates (found in lunchmeat and hot dogs) no THBQ, BHT, no vanillin (artifiicial vanilla with an “n”). If I didn’t know what the ingredient was, I didn’t buy it. This change made a HUGE difference in his hyperness and aggressiveness. The change was incredible, so much so that once when I gave him some purple-colored cough medicine, thinking it wouldn’t make a difference, he went crazy for a week afterwards! There is more information if you look up the Feingold Diet
Feel free to email me off-line. You are not alone. Don’t blame yourself…the world we live in, the food we eat, is full of toxins that cause these behaviors. You need all your energy to get him well.
Nanci
If you decide to try some of the things Nanci mentioned, I know a Christian, homeschool nutritionist who is very good—used to be the Food and Nutrition Editor for Sat. Even. Post, consults area Dr.’s and schools. For $75, she’ll review your med. records for the whole family and a 3-day food diary and make recommendations as far as diet, supplements, chelation, etc. She does it by phone, and will answer follow-up e-mails. We did not have the issues you are dealing with, but it was very helpful for me to have a personal guide specifically for my family.
I agree with Nanci. I have a friend with a hyper son (I don’t think to the extent you mentioned), but when she changed to a natural diet and some supplements people commented on the behaviour change. Blessings, Gina
I would like to say “ditto” to Nanci’s post. I think her and I have the same son?? My son also was braking everything, hitting everyone and no one would watch him, etc. etc. We found out he also has Mercury Posioning from vaccines and have been chelation with him for over 3 years. Our prayers are long, and continue to this day. He is finally back on diary but no dyes, no gluten, very little and controled white’s (like only so much in a month).
I think you might want to look into this. It truely helped my family to know what was going on. Also, know that to truely test for Mercury it is not just a quick test they can run to get the “full” knowledge of how much he/she has it takes more. The quick test will and cause many false negitives.
Good luck and we’ll pray for you and your family. I know you are crying out to us but I remember back then and my dh was to the point of angry. So I will be saying a special prayer for him, as a father, husband and the leader of your family.
God bless you, Misty
THank you all for your encouragement. I totally agree that diet and toxins are a major influence on behavior. Fortunately our family is almost 100% organic and we didn’t give him any shots. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have this lifestyle. I forgot to mention that I was very similar when I was young. I thought I would explode I had so much energy. On the other side, he is a really smart kid. It’s like he’s got a ferrari engine in a yugo body. I want to enjoy him….. but I get so frustrated at him. I just want him to calm down sometimes and it’s literally like he can’t. When we pray, his legs are swinging and he’s tapping and humming and I want to go crazy. I need to let go and surrender. My husband is so much calmer with him than I. He’s great. I know some of it is because I’m here all day but he brings a calmness to the situation. Thank you all so much… Just writing it down helps…
Misty- Are you doing Andy Cutler’s chelation protocol?
It’s very wise as you say to pray for her dh because anger is a very typical response.
Nanci
To 104goodbuddy- Do you have any mercury fillings in your teeth? The reason I ask is because I am part of a yahoo group called Recovery from Autism and there are moms on there who, like you, have 100% organic diets, never vaccinated, but their children are full of mercury because of their (the moms) fillings or because of a flu shot while pregnant. Just a thought.
There’s also antimony in children’s pajamas (the flame retardant) to consider.
Glad it was helpful to get it out. It’s very stressful to deal with and good to have a safe place to come to share your concerns with other who care.
Nanci
I just thought I would offer some specific things to try now to help with the energy/sensory needs while you look into the other things mentioned.
What about buying him a small punching bag, a mini-trampoline for in the house, etc? Some physical stimulation that can be both repetitive and high impact may help, plus if you can get him doing it regularly it can help use some of that energy. Anything will work that takes energy, but boys seem particularly drawn to hitting things, so the punching bag is what always comes to mind.
It is so funny that you say that Tristen. He has a mini punching area that he made, it’s from bungie cords with objects hanging from them. He loves to hit and kicks it for long periods of time. And I love the trampoline idea. He just runs and leaps and jumps through the house all day. I can’t always go outside, I try to go out for at least 3 or 4 hours but sometimes I can’t get my stuff done. Thank you for that Tristen.
Fortunately I don’t have any mercury fillings and he doesn’t wear clothes to bed so that is not an issue. But I appreciate you mentioning it because I know of people that have lots of health issue do to those chemical influences. I hear him stirring in the bed so here begins another day. I think it will be a good day.
Toni
Nanci – No we are using DMSA. I really like it, but it’s hard on everyone. It’s taken every 4 hours around the clock (yes, through the night) for a week and then off for a week. Misty
Misty- That does sound like Cutler’s protocol…it’s based on taking the chelators around the clock. http://livingnetwork.co.za/chelationnetwork/
That’s what we do (every 3 hours, with as many days on as off), but we use ALA (alpha lipoic acid). Some on the Recovery from Autism Group use both DMSA and ALA.
So we are on for 3 days, off for 3 days. It is hard having to get up during the “on” nights, especially being pregnant, but I’d rather do that than deal with the rages and other behaviors
You might like the Recovery Group…lots of great support there. http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/RecoveryFromAutism/
Nanci
Toni- That’s great that you don’t have any fillings or use pajamas for your son!
One last thought I had for you, in addition to Tristan’s great ideas, is to look into the possibility that he has Candida (yeast) overgrowth. Candida can cause all kinds of strange behaviors, some of them like you describe. Let me know if you’d like more info, as we’ve been battling “the yeast beast” for years with our son, and have finally gotten it under control.
Nanci
Hi Nanci,
He is really healthy. I truly believe this is just his personality. He’s never sick or tired. It’s quite amazing. What else is amazing is that because I am so much calmer today, he was more in control. He still acted out some, but I handled it totally calm and he didn’t react nearly as intense. Like today, we spent some time with friends that he really loves and he hit his friend twice. I asked why and he said “I wanted to see what would happen.” No other reason. They weren’t fighting. I make him do 15 min. of community service for each hitting offense. He likes to do things extreme and doesn’t consider the consequences. At this point, he has one friend. I feel so sad for him. I just put him to bed and tickled his back and let him know that I love him.
That is great that he is so healthy.
It seems like it will just take lots of perserverance and gentle but firm limits with him.
Great idea to do 15 min of community service for hitting offenses!
Nanci
Toni- I hope you weren’t offended by my posts about possible physical things that could be wrong with your child.
I have learned so much about behavioral problems coming from food/toxins in the last 3 years, whereas I was clueless before that. I always wished that someone had explained it to me and saved me alot of heartache. So now, when I hear about behaviorial issues, my first response is to see if it’s something environmental. Just wanted to explain my rationale.
Nanci
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