Name: Spreading the Feast Gathering
Start: 2025-07-11T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-07-12T23:59:59-05:00
Location: LaGrange, KY

This topic has 13 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by HeatherP.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)

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April 30, 2015 at 4:28 pm
Threekidsmom
Participant
I’m looking for advice on how to handle requests by friends and family to watch/babysit their kids? I recieve multiple requests per week to watch kids-these come from family members, friends etc. and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and if I’m honest, a bit resentful. Some of these requests come from those who assume that because I’m a sahm that I have the time etc. During the school year, it’s easier for me to say no, because we need to focus on school, but I really don’t know what to do during the summer. I feel bad and want to help moms out if I can, but I also resent having my freedom of flexibility taken. My kids and I like to go to the pool and other various activities during the summer that I just simply cannot do if I’m watching kids-I don’t have the room in my van etc. I’m also not just talking about an hour here or there-these are all day requests-I get several people asking me during their all-day, for several days in a row CC Practicums etc. I’m just worn out from taking care of my own kids as well, but I just don’t know what to say-I feel guilty and selfish if I say no…..
Does anyone else have experience with this?
April 30, 2015 at 4:49 pm
Kristen
Participant
I don’t really have experience with this but maybe if you told them what you just told us they would understand and stop asking. Otherwise just say “I feel bad and wish i could watch your children but I simply can’t help you.”
April 30, 2015 at 4:51 pm
eawerner
Participant
What about “scheduling” family time for pools and parks and such. Then when they ask you can say, sorry, we have plans/prior commitments this week. It’s not being dishonest, just protecting your own family time as a family.
April 30, 2015 at 5:09 pm
jmac17
Participant
I do the same as eawerner suggested. I make our plans, write them into our calendar, and then anything that other people want from me has to work around them, or I just let them know that we are already booked that day. (Legitimate emergencies excepted of course.)
April 30, 2015 at 5:36 pm
Threekidsmom
Participant
Thanks for those ideas-I especially like the one about scheduling in family time. I hadn’t thought of that.
April 30, 2015 at 9:48 pm
ReneeS
Participant
When I had just one and under 3 I used to get requests all the time! It got old quick especially since i NEVER asked anyone to care for my own child, ever. I started telling people that I was getting so busy with my own children I wasn’t able to keep care of any others. Pretty soon all the requests stopped. I don’t like giving up our flexibility and freedom an unless scheduled in to be with another family I no longer take care of other peoples children.
May 1, 2015 at 12:20 am
Melanie32
Participant
I can empathize. I had a similar problem when I first started homeschooling. I will share with you what I wish someone had shared with me in those days.
It’s okay to say no. You don’t need to feel guilty for saying no. A yes to one thing is always a no to something else. When you say yes to these babysitting requests, you are saying many no’s to all the other things you may have done that day. Your first responsibility is to your husband and children and to being the best wife and mother you can be. You should be enjoying these days and making memories with your little ones. If babysitting is causing more stress for you, you can be sure your family is feeling the results as well.
God hasn’t called us to say yes to everyone. 🙂 He’s called us to make wise choices and prioritize-not to allow others to take advantage of us.
May 1, 2015 at 7:31 am
Threekidsmom
Participant
ReneeS-I am like you-I RARELY have anyone watch my kids-they either come with me, or I arrange things so they are home with my husband…
Melanie-Thank you for your encouraging words. I know in my head that it’s ok to say no, but my heart strings get pulled you know? I need to work on less worrying/feeling guilty and just be strong..
Thank you all so much-I appreciate the wisdom and encouragement!
May 3, 2015 at 2:08 pm
momto2blessings
Participant
When my kids were younger I’d get more requests to babysit, go to the women’s parties, etc. and since I tend to have a guilty conscience would have trouble saying no.
I’m thankful for my hubby…he’d see me getting stressed or resenting doing things, which can harm our family time. At times we have adopted a policy that I simply can’t do things during certain seasons, or need to check with him first. He has absolutely no problem being the bad guy…then I don’t feel guilty:)
I am always willing to help a friend who has a true need due to health, etc issues. But if it’s for constant choice issues….the parents need to be responsible for their own kids and simply say no to non-essentials if they can’t arrange care.
I have a friend whose neighbor/friend would regularly interrupt her school day to watch her kids while she got her hair done, etc. We should have servants hearts, but pray for wisdom to not be taken advantage of!

May 3, 2015 at 3:23 pm
Bramble
Participant
Personally, I wouldn’t want to close the door on it entirely. It is important to have a circle of people in your life that help each other out, but you can certainly pick and choose and weigh situations as you see fit. You are not obligated to say yes. I love eawerner’s idea. It leaves flexibility.
May 3, 2015 at 7:52 pm
Threekidsmom
Participant
Bramble-I agree, I don’t want to never help-I can totally relate to the mom who just really needs some time to herself and may not have family/resources close by and I want to be supportive, cause this mom thing is tough! I talked to my husband about it, and we both liked the idea of scheduling family time. We also talked about maybe offering once a month or so to host a parents night/day out that mom’s parents can go have some time, but he is here to help me and I don’t feel so bad about turning down requests.
Thank you all for your perspectives-it helps to get objective opinions and ideas!
May 4, 2015 at 9:35 am
HSMAMA
Participant
You’ve got some great advice so far. 🙂 Just wanted to add one thing that was suggested to me years ago and has been a great help. Never say “yes” or “no” immediately, always say “let me check my schedule” or something else that requires you to get back to the person. It gives you a chance to evaluate the situation and pray on it to decide what your response should be. I was terrible for being guilted in to things and the truth of it was, I had friends who knew it and took advantage, catching me off guard because they knew that I’d agree. Once I started allowing myself time to think through it, I was able to politely decline or accept and I felt more in control of my decision.
May 5, 2015 at 9:39 pm
vikingkirken
Participant
These are all wonderful responses! Especially Melanie’s. Here, here! YES, a “yes” to one thing is a “no” to another–while you are watching others’ kids, something else is not getting done. Your husband and children have to some first! Of course there are emergencies, but at those times, the need justifies your inconvenience. One other idea I wanted to throw out there–when people ask, you might treat it as a request for a babysitting trade. I have had to do that gently sometimes with a friend who frequently asks. I’ll cheerfully say “Oh! Sure, you want to do a swap? When would be a good time to take mine? Maybe ___?” Said with the right heart attitude (a willingness to help and share burdens, but also be fair), I think this can be a good approach. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own needs that they just don’t think about others’ needs. It may not be intentional selfishness so much as obliviousness. A gentle reminder can create an opportunity for them to either reciprocate the favor, or reconsider their request. (If it is helpful for you, you could also ask for a different favor–“Sure, I’ll take the kids for a couple hours, if you provide dinner for us, it’ll be hard for me to get dinner made with extra children underfoot!”, etc.)
October 9, 2015 at 1:29 pm
HeatherP
Participant
Thank you SO much for asking this question and for such wise answers! I have also been struggling with this issue.