Overheard – mothers

I once learned at a marriage conference about using the grapevine to your advantage. What this woman was suggesting was that we TELL others about the good things our husbands do and the things we love about them. Often these loving words have a chance at getting back to them. They obviously could never if we hadn’t spoken them in the first place. This was followup advice to: tell your spouse your appreciations and say complimentary things about him, in front of him to others so he hears it. Most importantly, these words must be sincere.

Later on when our daughter was a preschooler this advice translated. A person complimented me on how well behaved and patient she was and I agreed how blessed I was to have her and smiled. She actually wasn’t interested in engaging in conversation, or eye contact with the person, but when I spoke and smiled she noticed and took it in. It was then that I learned how powerful words can be in a child’s life. I always knew I wanted to try my best not to be a loose-it-in-walmart kind of mama, and that I wanted to say ‘I love you’ often to my children, but this was something else. This was about communicating the joy, the assurance that I felt blessed by mothering her, the acknowledgement of the things that make me happy in our day to day life together. The secret building blocks in her little self esteem and of our growing relationship.

So a few babies later and lots of grace poured out on me by my patient Lord, I try to remember that I need to communicate joy and fulfillment in my mothering. Life gets very lifey and that effort can be lost and forgotten easily when in hectic-mama-mode. JUST tonight I was humbled and praying with my children about a fresh start tomorrow in all our attitudes. For forgiveness, for a fresh filling of love in our hearts, and a returned focus on the fruit of kindness, goodness, joy, and self-control in our voice tones and words. Just because there is a lot on our family plate fight now doesn’t give us licence to be sharp. Be honest yes, but freak out, not so much.

So that got a bit off topic but there it is. Thank you for your post as it is a good reminder to me about this valuable communication lesson. I look forward to reading more here.

Also, to add to the above comments, do you engage in mother culture activities that you enjoy? Life is busy with little ones but do you occasionally read a chapter in a book just for “fun”, either a novel or a book on some topic you are interested in. Do you enjoy any type of art or craft project that you can sometimes pull out and enjoy in front of your children?

I think it is important for the children to see you enjoying them as people which in turn translates into joyful motherhood but sometimes I think it is good for children to see other aspects of our personalities and interests take expression as well.

If we do take the time to indulge our passions I believe we become much more joyful, interesting and creative women. Our husbands and children will be blessed by those characteristics.

Some mother culture I enjoy: (yours may be very different)

-Reading or listening to an audio book I enjoy

-trying new recipes, planning special menus

-looking at food magazines or watching a show on the food network

-planning and making projects and gifts

-sewing

-trying to beautify the house and deck

-exercising (this has mental, physical & emotional benefits for me and my family)

I had to learn to speak life giving words to my family. I am a very quiet person by nature, and I often feel joy but don’t really think to make a point to tell my family these feelings of love and joy. It was awkward at first, but now it is sooo natural. In fact, I am sometimes a little too mushy for my 12 year old son. 🙂

Just this morning, I was watching my 2 year old dd rock her baby doll, and I made a point to say, “This is the BEST thing you could ever do… to love babies!” She beamed with delight.

Small things with great love. 🙂