@QueenMama – No offense taken. I see your point and respect your stance. As a former very picky eater who was left to grow out of it, I am not thankful for that experience. I didn’t just grow out of it, but rather made very deliberate decisions to better my health as a young 20 something and again as a 30 something year old. Those changes were very, very hard for me. Even now, I struggle with some things that I know I should eat and those I shouldn’t. My parents could have greatly lessened that particular struggle for me and my siblings by requiring us to at least try things. I’m not faulting my folks for feeding us the way they did as it’s what they knew, but I do take issue with allowing a child to be picky. I don’t see that as any help to the child as he grows.
I have family members who as adults will eat only meat and potatoes and refuse other food, even when in another’s home. I’m sorry, but I do find that rude. If someone took the time to invite my family over, shop and prepare a meal for us, then the least we could do would be to try a small portion of each food without complaint and with real gratitude. In my own home, I expect my children to do the same.
Growing up, I was allowed to simply say I didn’t like something and refuse trying it and I’m ashamed to say that I probably wrinkled my nose in disgust more than once. My children can dislike things, of course, but it needs to be based on more than seeing a food or hearing its name. Dd6 doesn’t care for black beans. When we have black beans for dinner I could allow her to wrinkle her nose and skip it, but I do find that both rude and unacceptable in my kids, so I require her to take a small serving of 1-2 tablespoons of the beans to try. She isn’t served a plateful. Her choice is WHEN to eat not WHAT to eat. This works in my family. This same dd has learned to like strawberries, blackberries, pesto (her all time favorite food now), wild rice, beef, and many, many more food items that she would not have even tried on her own. By requiring a small no thank you bite, she’s broadened her palette and has thanked us for making her try something. Even at six, she realizes the importance of real gratitude.
I have trouble getting behind the idea that a “grateful heart” is demonstrated by eating what is in front of you. By my definition, “grateful” is a feeling, and one either feels it or one doesn’t. While eating what is served you may be one way to express gratefulness — for the production of the food, the labor behind the meal, the employment that made it possible, God’s gifts that helped to grow it, etc — it also may be an action that is completely removed from any feeling of gratefulness. One could choke down food in submission to authority without feeling grateful at all (in fact, possibly feeling resentment). I even worry that one could become LESS grateful for food when said food becomes part of a power struggle — “You will eat this because I made it for you, you get nothing else until you do, and you have no REAL choice in the matter.”
I agree that there are many ways to express gratitude and to teach about gratitude. One of the ways we do so in our family is by eating the food served us. You may disagree, that’s fine. You should know that food has never been a power struggle in our home. We set the standard and our kids understand that they are expected to try things. They aren’t resentful or ungrateful because of that expectation. It’s simply an expectation not unlike the expecting that they give their best effort in playing piano or working math problems. They rise to the occasion.
Either way, we can simply agree to disagree. We all want what’s best for our families and it will never look the same in everyone’s home and that is ok.