Name: CHEC Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-06-12T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-06-14T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Denver, CO

Tagged: free-time, habits, play

This topic has 7 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 1 month ago by LindseyD.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

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April 21, 2014 at 7:53 pm
mrsmccardell
Participant
I know this is a personal decision for each family but I’m just curious to your thoughts. I’m uncomfortable with my 6yos going to a friend’s house without me or his sisters. I know he needs his own friends at some point (which I think is closer towards 8 or later) but I feel like it puts a divide in his relationship with his sisters and can undo some habits we’re working on. At the same time, I know he needs a boy friend and it gives him a chance to practice his habits in a different environment. Am I being overprotective? This particular little boy he plays with is not a Christian and can me mean towards others. My rule has been that I must be outside in order for them to play together or he can come to our house. His mom just invited my son over to play. Thoughts?
April 21, 2014 at 9:51 pm
teaching2
Member
This is difficult for us because our children 6&8 have the play outside where me or dh can look after you rule, unless it is someone’s house where we are good friends with the parents. Only problem for us is the kids’ outside neighborhood friends with all our houses close together are now going into each other’s homes. The other moms have no problem with each other or their kids around the same same age being in and out of each other’s homes. But we have one neighbor where dh and I both don’t want our children in a certain house, long history and we are just wave and smile and say hi type neighbors that keep an obvious distance on both sides. The other parents on our close knit block don’t have the same tension with the one particular neighbor nor have they lived here for more than a couple of years.. It’s hard because there is now an open door policy for the other kids and we haven’t participated thus far, but this spring is starting out rough because the playing together is more in each other’s homes for longer periods of time and we have been more distant to not put ourselves in that loop. But we would like for our kids to be able to go outside and play a good part of the day with their neighbors OUTSIDE like I did as a child. Instead our kids know they are missing out when they are out playing with everyone then all the children go to the neighbor’s house where they know we don’t want them to stay inside, then they are disappointed. It’s something dh and I are praying about.
My opinion is that you are not being overprotective because you are not comfortable with the situation. Especially if you are not friends with the parents and you do not know the rules on TV viewing, video game content, language, and other things within the home. I like the stay outside where I can check on you periodically and hear you playing rule. But I know it is more difficult to enforce that since Other kids play inside more than they did a generation ago.
April 21, 2014 at 10:50 pm
Phobo
Participant
I don’t think you’re being overprotective. We don’t go places without the kids (they can be with other family members), including not using babysitters and the like. I’m happy to sit back and give my kids lots of room to play and interact, but not to not be there completely. I’m not a fan of separating siblings, either. If they naturally separate in a large group playing, that’s one thing, but to say only this child is invited somewhere, I’m not really into. I personally think that the over-separation of ages, and the idea of going to places at such young ages without parents, helps lead to teenagers always going off on their own, which we all know what that can lead to, lol. Part of me believing this, is making a commitment myself. When I have a birthday party, or any sort of event where I’m opening my home, I’m inviting whole families, to make family friends, instead of just the one friend that one of my kids might be closer with. This usually means things are bigger or more expensive than what they might be otherwise, but I make my sacrifices in other areas, so that I’m hosting something I’m comfortable with.

Rachel
April 21, 2014 at 11:20 pm
mrsmccardell
Participant
I guess it’s a little more challenging b/c his sister7 has special needs and will probably not get too many invites to play. The 2 of them have a wonderful friendship but it can be limited sometimes due to her not understanding rules etc I feel bad for both of them as this will be hard terrain for them to travel…me too! I don’t want to limit him making friends. We’re already the only family homeschooling, the only Christians, and a child with special needs…it can be lonely in the neighborhood. This apparently goes a little deeper than the original intention of my post.
April 22, 2014 at 12:46 am
Karen
Participant
Mrs. McCardell, I don’t think you’re being over-protective. I think if I were you, I’d try to always have the little boy over to your house, in your yard, instead of letting yours go over there. That’s probably hard to do in a town situation. Perhaps you could have the coolest games (card/board) or something (cardboard forts? teepees? marshmallow guns?) and use that to entice them to stay near you. If your daughter can play along to some degree, that would be even better, I guess.
I actually had a most embarrasing thing happen in our house- my two youngest (4 and 6) were fighting over who could play with the little girl (4yo) who came for a play date – to the point that the little girl asked if she could call her mom and go home!!!
I personally think 4yo is too young for an “alone” play date, but her mom didn’t. I hated to refuse. But now I have a reason to! My own kids will fight over who plays with her!!
How do you all handle your children who want to have a “Best Friend” and play only with that friend when the friend is over? My second child gets upset because my firstborn and her friend go off and don’t include her in their game. I’ve told all my children that they’re not allowed to exclude anyone, but then I get whines (from each of my four) that they need time to play with *just their friend* alone, without siblings horning in.
I have no idea how to handle this! I grew up with one brother and no sisters — I didn’t want to play with his friends, ever! *L* The whole group play thing is new to me, because of having only one sibling.
April 22, 2014 at 1:09 am
missceegee
Participant
I have 4 kids – 13 girl, 10 boy, 7 next month girl, and 4.5 boy. For the great majority of the time, the kids get along wonderfully and enjoy playing together. However, I disagree that they should never be allowed to have their own friends and exclude one another. I’m not talking exclusion in a mean, “You can’t play with me way.”, but if my 13 year old has a friend over, they are likely to chat, ride bikes around the neighborhood, etc. My 10 yo son – he wants to shoot airsoft or play sports. My dd6 is dreamy and loves everyone. DS4 is well, 4. We often have another family over, but sometimes just one kid for one of our kids, it just depends. I kind of liken it to going to dinner with girlfriends on ocassion, it’s girls only no hubbies allowed. I don’t understand why it should be an all the family gets together or none all of the time. I am speaking of families we know well. I will say if there were ever any attitude, then we would readjust, but it hasn’t been an issue.
My kids are allowed to play with neighbor kids in the street (dead end) or our back yard. I don’t know the families and they aren’t allowed in their homes. Honestly all of the kids on our street go to school and aren’t terribly interested in mine. Works for me.
April 22, 2014 at 6:07 pm
lovinghomeschool
Participant
I think about this issue, and don’t have any solid answers beyond what we have done and the pros and cons to all our choices. No, I don’t think you are being over protective. My mother saved me from many situations with her protection (found out later what I was protected from!), and I am grateful. In fact I wish they had protected even more, not less. And as far as I can tell the stakes are higher than when I was raised.
My first questions: how old is your special needs child and how much has she changed your families social interactions?
I only ask since my youngest of 4 children is age 5 with Down Syndrome. My oldest is 10. I would like to say she hasn’t changed how we live, but she has. I tried to do a coop at one point and it just didn’t work with her. She learns aggressive behavior at the drop of a hat. I want to try again at some point. We did a lot of family play dates when my oldest two were 2nd/1st and 3rd/2nd. This year they are 4th/3rd and I have laid low socially.
I don’t know if any of that helps! I never was fond of drop off play dates. My favorite have been when there are children that work with my oldest three with a home school family and my DS age 5 but very much a two year old in size and development hangs out with me.
Hope that helps!
April 22, 2014 at 10:33 pm
LindseyD
Participant
I’m not opposed to play dates for my dc (10 and almost 9), as long as it is with someone we know very well and are friends with the parents. There are maybe 3-4 families that I would be comfortable dropping my kids off for a playdate without staying there myself. That’s not just for safety’s sake; it’s also because I genuinely love hanging out with these moms just as much as my kids love hanging out with their kids.
As far as going into neighbors’ homes, I don’t think you’re being overprotective, and if that means your kids feel left out, well, so be it. I’d much rather my kids feel left out than ignore my gut feeling and something happen to them or them be exposed to something harmful.
I’m not a fan of separating my kids either, but I think it is unfair to totally not allow one child to have friends if the other one can’t be included. I have one boy and one girl. I can’t imagine my son having another 10yo boy over to play and telling him he absolutely must include his sister in the Nerf war or Lego building. Mine are at an age where having friends of the same sex is very important to us, for safety reasons, among other things. If our son is having a friend over to play, I will also try to arrange for our daughter to have a friend over as well. All of our close family friends have both sexes of children, so it is nice when we all get together.
As for your child’s age, I do believe that 6 is too young for unsupervised play dates, going over to neighbors’ houses, or other scenarios where your child would be without you. In your shoes, I’m less concerned about sibling separation and more concerned about common sense and safety. A 6yo is still very gullible and accepting of others–sometimes to their detriment. My 10yo son has much more common sense, street smarts, and a greater sense of awareness than he had at 6. It comes with experience and age, in my opinion.
All that said, I’m still the mom who wouldn’t dream of sending her children to church or other camp without me, no matter how old they are. I’m very protective! If we don’t know a family extremely well, I don’t even entertain the thought of my children being in a home without me or Daddy present. Our children aren’t allowed sleepovers and don’t even attend birthday parties or baseball practice without us. My husband and I make ourselves available to be involved in their lives, and so far, they haven’t complained at all. In their lives, my children have spent the night at 4 places without us: my mom’s, my in-laws’, my sister-in-law’s, and my husband’s uncle’s (just this past December). I love what Rachel said above about not separating parents and children habitually, because then it just seems easier to do when they’re teens and let them go off alone.
Blessings,
Lindsey