OT: Kids bedrooms, neatness/cleanness, make a big deal or not?

I think firstly you need to sit down with your spouse and talk this out together.  Then you are both on the same page and able to back each other up.  For us keeping their rooms tidy show different things.  You also need to talk through the specifics – bed just pulled up or actually made? Specific spot for toys or not toys in rooms at all? etc etc

Respect – for things given to them and for things they have bought on their own.  Also, being my kids share a room with 1 or 2 other siblings it shows respect for the others in the room.  I have some kids who are more by nature messy/pack rats.  Others are neat freaks/barely keeps what they should.  This teaches that respect is for both self and others.

Responsibility – That we as their parents expect their rooms to be tidied, daily.  Dusted/vacuumed twice a week (usually specific days for this).  They know what we want for both of these types of ‘clean’ and it’s their responsibility to have it done, and yes consequences we (as parents) can stick with.

Also, for us it is important.  As a couple we tell them their room is their home (or per say their trial home).  If someone showed up spur of the moment would they be happy to invite that someone in and have a social call with them? Or would they be embarrassed?

One thing for us is that one of the kids bedroom you see when you walk in from the garage door.  My dh wants to walk into a home that looks fresh(that is the door we all use 90% of the time), I function best when my home is tidy (not clean but tidy).  We also heat our home in MN with a corn stove so all doors need to be kept open to get the heat into them.  So closing the door, which is some families way of not seeing the mess (not saying that’s wrong but as you see we can’t do that, nor do we want to) is not an option.  It needs to be open, so we see in it 1st step in the door.

There is no right or wrong answer for this.  Each family needs to do what is best for them.  We use the bedroom as a starting ground for their future.  Growing up my mom could have cared less if my room was messy or clean but by nature I’m a clean freak so it was always clean.  So sit down, talk it down and them together lay down the ground rooms for your family.  Good luck!

Each family is different.  Let me simply offer a suggestion:  If they cannot or will not pick up and tidy their room it may be in part because they are overwhelmed at the mess.  The sheer amount of stuff everyone.  In our home we have found that the fewer things available the better!  For perspective, one bedroom is four boys ages 10, 7, 5, 4, the other bedroom is one boy age 2 and two girls age 13, 9.  (The 1yo sleeps in our bedroom).  So when I’m talking fewer things available each child has one small tub/bin.  If it won’t close they have to put away in the attic or get rid of items.  If they can’t pick up what they do have in 5-10 minutes without my help then we make further cuts as to what is allowed out and in use.

What I have seen over the years as we have enforced this limit on how much stuff they can have in their room (the rest is in the attic storage or is donated) they have found freedom and play with their things even more creatively.  Add in the fact that we can pick up the entire house of 10 people’s things in half an hour easily and we’re all happier.  (Another factor for us has been that in the main living areas we have to keep things tidy or Mason cannot use his wheelchair, it gets stuck.)

I would try packing up everything they have and then only putting on their shelves a very small amount of toys/materials.  They will be able to pick up easily without becoming overwhelmed and ultimately everyone will be happier and more creative is my guess.