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OT: Godly advice about girls growing up please, and book suggestions.
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Hi ladies
Sorry to post this here, it is very off topic and I just don’t know where to get advice on this. There may be a bit more detail in here than you want to know, but I didn’t know how else to describe my situation. I am looking for a Godly book about becoming a young women, for my 11yo. (All my friends have boys) Either a book to read together, or one for me, or one for her.
Although I am a nurse, I feel a little out of depth here. I think my own upbringing has made me hesitant to buy a book for her, as the ones I read when I was a teen were so ungodly. So far, we have chatted about things, and I have been able to present everything in a Godly manner, that met her questions. I am not at all embarrassed, and don’t make a big deal of things, just “matter of fact”. She knows about menstruation, and I told her about the changes that would start to happen in her body. But not about “how things happen” between husband and wife. I really do not want ghastly graphic books, like those when I was young, the whole thing grossed me out totally.
We covered the basics when she was younger with The Story of Me, and Before I was born. I think mine are the older edition . I have been told that I will not like the “unnecessary” detail that the other books in that series go into. I also have an older Kenneth Taylor Almost 12. All 3 of those I got from Sonlight years ago.
I don’t mind her reading the Almost 12, but it’ so clinical and boring, so I also want something “pretty” that will make her proud about this special thing happening to her. I’d love a book that includes bits about modesty, dressing in a Godly manner, and how God is in and through all this. Just to re-enforce what she has been taught at home. It is so hard when everyone else is dressing with a different standard and you’re the only one who’s Mom insists that you necklines and hemlines are not too revealing 🙂
I am wanting something that covers it all in a beautiful Christian manner, and that does not assume that puberty and adolescence means they are “active”. I want to to present womanhood as blessing, and the union of man and wife as beautiful and planned by God, for marriage. I have actually never seen a book like that in South Africa, isn’t that sad?
My dd is a very innocent young girl, and is developing on her own schedule, but in a different order from her peers. Her friends recently teased her, because of her under arm hair. (She’s started with that first)
Because she hasn’t been undressing in front of me for a while , and she is basically flat, I had not realized and I didn’t know anything else was going on. I felt a bit unprepared, and even guilty that I had not assisted her in time, and failed her.
But when we discussed shaving, I loved her response. She said, “But what’s so bad about under arm hair? Why do people remove it?” I explained God made us that way, there is nothing gross about hair, the different customs people have, how many women all over the world do not shave, and that it was her body and her choice. She thought for a few days and then decided to shave.
My friend suggested I give her a training bra, you know the kind with padding. But I feel that is not right, as it implies that she is “meant” to be endowed, whilst I have stressed God’s perfect timing with all these things. Her friend has passed on some basically new starter bras, but she just giggled and packed them away, saying, “I won’t be needing these for a while.”
So, I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. I am heading to a big city in a few weeks where I could probably get to a Christian book store.
Thanks so much,
Lindy
I have a headache today, so I hope I make sense. I have two girls 14 yrs and almost 17 and two boys 12 and 22. We’ve never used a book for any of these topics. I honestly never thought of it, but I’m sure it might not be possible to find one I approve of 100% anyway. Our church teaches a LOT about modesty, chastity, and virtue. And we live those things and teach them naturally to the kids as a matter of course. It sounds like you do too, so I’m wondering if you need a book at all.
As far as the technical parts, It sounds like you’re comfortable handling it a bit at a time as needed. That’s all we’ve done with our kids. When our oldest son got married this year, we could tell he was ready and had a good understanding.
I have ds11 and dd10. A couple of years ago, we read Focus on the Family’s first two (in series of 4) God’s Design for Sex. My kids were even older than the recommended ages on the books when we read them. They are tastefully illustrated and written from a very Christian perspective. HOWEVER, my dd also has a very vivid imagination, and even the illustrations in these books caused her imagination to “run with it”. We didn’t realize until a couple of years later (just three months ago, actually) that this had happened, and in hindsight, I wish I had never read them to either of my children. In my opinion (and if I could go back and do it again), I would not use books at all.
Open conversation is, I believe, the best way to go about all of this stuff, from body changes and menstruation to sex inside marriage and everything in between. After that, your example of modesty and how you handle your own body hair is the best instruction your daughter can receive. Three months after she turned 9, I noticed my dd had breast bumps. We are not encouraging a bra — just a camisole at this point. I, personally, don’t wear a bra and instead choose a camisole with a built-in shelf for support. As with underarm and leg hair, wearing a bra is a cultural preference, and for me, I choose not to wear a bra because I don’t believe they are healthy. I am still very modest and wear layers to cover up when I’m cold or cleavage or anything like that. If I don’t believe wearing a bra is healthy for me, I’m certainly not going to encourage my dd to wear one. Right now, the camisoles are enough to provide coverage underneath shirts. I’ve also recently come across a very pretty and comfortable undergarment, called the Coobie, that I have enjoyed wearing on days when I might otherwise wear a bra. I definitely agree that a bra with any padding in it is highly inappropriate for her age.
Also, make sure she knows to only have these conversations with you. We had delayed talking about this stuff, thinking that our dd wasn’t ready, and we found out she had been playing inappropriately with Barbies at a friend’s house. We’ve never allowed Barbies, and you can’t control what toys others have at their homes. This family is very good friends of ours, homeschools their kids, and is like-minded, so of course, we were floored when dd confessed to us what had been going on for several months. God used it for good, and dd asked Jesus into her heart, and we believe her eyes were being opened to sin for the first time in her life through the experience, but I sure wish we had had some conversations sooner in an attempt to prevent those situations. I know that’s off-topic for your question, but I felt in my heart like I should share it with you. I can’t think of a single book (and I’ve looked!) that I can recommend to you. They’re either too clinical and dry, too much information, too illustrated, or don’t line up with our values. Even books that talk about bodily changes and hygiene mention several things that we don’t practice in our family — such as getting flouride treatments at the dentist, using tampons and pads, using anti-perspirant, and talking to other adults besides parents about growing up and bodily changes. Be encouraged! You’re doing the right thing just by keeping your door open to talk about anything.
Blessings, Lindsey
Lindsey and Art, thank you so much for those replies. You each really spoke to my heart. So maybe, I feel I had failed her, when actually I am doing something that is actually rather good. You’re quite right about probably not finding a book I like 100%, I am so particular about so many things in life.
I am a bibliophile, so books are my go-to. I sort of assumed that would be a good way to learn about growing up. But in this case, from what you’ve both said, I think first hand information from a trusted parent is better.
You know, I think after reading your posts, I wonder if I will actually even bother getting a book. I think maybe the talks are the way of meeting her needs as they occur, is perhaps how God intended it to me. And we’ve had some lovely chats, not at all uncomfortable.
Thank you for being open to talking about this. I’ll wait and see if I get other replies and then make a decision.
Much appreciated.
Lindy
I am looking for something to help me cover the topics of babies and sex with my 8 yo and 11 yo. I don’t feel prepared to discuss these well without some kind of guide. They have asked where babies come from and I don’t think my vague answers were adequate. I agree that open conversation is best, but feel I need something to get me started and feel prepared. I know a hs mom who used the first book in the Queen’s Homeschool God’s Plan for Growing Up series, and liked it. Has anyone used the set and can offer a review?
Lindsey – could you expand more on what you mean by the illustrations causing your daughter’s imagination to run wild?
Lindy – I see that you used the first two books in the God’s Design for Sex series that Lindsey used. Would you recommend these? I wonder if your older edtions are better. And do you recommend the Almost 12 book, or not really?
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