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OT: Getting children to sleep through night in own bed
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My youngest sons are 7.5y and for the most part, are still sleeping with me. My husband and I feel ready to get them in their own room and need suggestions on how to gently do this. My two older children slept with me until they were 5 or so and honestly I can’t remember what tricks I did to get them in their own room but it went better than it is going now. One of my young ones is doing pretty well at times about going to sleep in his bed and staying asleep thorough the night, even if he gets up to use the bathroom. But the other is verrry snuggly and only wants to sleep with me. As of last night we are back to him falling asleep in my bed, me moving him to his bed and then him coming back to my bed in the middle of the night. (this is an improvement from him being in my bed all night which is what we’ve done for months again) Nothing about it is graceful. How do I do this? I want him to feel safe and loved all night, but it seems it is time for him to be moving to his own bed for that. (The younger boys share a bedroom and are in bunkbeds. The easier one is in the top bunk.)
Thanks!
I think at that age I’d probably start by staying with them in their room until they fall asleep (which is what I still do with both my kids), and then gradually moving “farther out”. I’ve read that some parents will have a chair that they slowly move further and further out of the room, maybe just sitting there with a book and a flashlight, until they are eventually out in the hall, and then they maybe start closing the door.
I do believe that the time will come when they feel confident enough to dismiss you themselves. 🙂
Can you bribe them? *L* I know that’s bad.. *L*
My girls still ilke to crawl in our bed….so I allow them- as long as Daddy isn’t in bed. He gets up really early, so I tell them they’re allowed in bed with me after he gets up. Sometimes they’re there when I wake up, sometimes not.
Just so you feel better, we are currently in the bribing *oops, I mean training!* process with our 7 year old, too. All my other kids were fine by age 4 or so on their own, but when we moved he got insecure and started sneakin down to our room. At first it was occasional…then all the time. We tried taking him back upstairs (which instigated crying and waking up the entire family, reasoning with him to go back to his bed (worked sometimes), and making a palette on the floor next to our bed to make it less appealing.
Well, he has gone 1 whole week without getting in our bed, and this is how:
I have given him a small scoop of frozen yogurt in a cone every day after he stays in his bed all night. This is a MAJOR treat in our house, so it is really working. I think at this point, he is in the habit of staying in his bed and putting himself back to sleep, so I probably will only continue this for a few more days.
Things that have factored in: this is our strong-willed, extremely routine oriented, very emotional child. And, the fact that I am now in my forties and too old and tired to even wake up, much less take him back to bed and argue with him ;0). Hope it works out for you and you can catch up on your zzz’s soon!
ServingwithJoy – There is nothing wrong with a little frozen yogurt bribe now and then! Too bad that won’t work with a 3 month old. 😉
@eawerner…Bahahaha!! Amen to that!
But looking back, I do miss those days. Which makes it all the harder to draw a firm line when it really is time for them to be in their own beds. Like most parents, I have gotten more relaxed as I realize how fast the time is going!
I’ve taken the bribe tactic to heart. Actually I was already bribing one of them, the one who struggles with this more, by giving him 50 cents every time he fell asleep without me beside him and without getting up once he was in bed. I thought my other son was doing just fine with the plan but it came to light that he was really struggling with it also. So now they both can get a reward for going to sleep by themselves. One falls asleep in his top bunk, the other in my bed and I move him to his bed. He always come back to my bed a few hours later but that doesn’t bother me at all – actually I enjoy it. I just want to know he is progressing in the right direction and I love having a few hours alone in the bed with just my husband.
The problem with the bribe is one didn’t earn it this morning and so we spent half an hour dealing with his frustration over that. ‘But I TRIED, Mom!’ He took about 3 hours to fall asleep last night and got up to bring me to bed many times. Tonight I gave him a tiny dose of melatonin to help him fall asleep and both went to sleep well. I’m trying to set up our lifestyle to help them both fall asleep around 8pm.
I guess I was hoping to hear some magic trick to getting older children to sleep on their own. You know, snap twice and do a back flip and the problem will be solved. It is nice to know we’re not the only ones sleeping with our older children and also nice to be reminded that these days will end and that I don’t have to rush it along too quickly. Knowing what my/my husband’s priorities are makes it easier to be comfortable (even welcoming) of the little one joining us after midnight.
Thanks!
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