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OT – boy/girl friend problems
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I am looking for some advice/experiences with this issue….my sweet ds is 6 years old and is very outgoing and loves playing with friends. My two older ds’s are 15 and 13, and even though they are good with him, they are not “playmates” like a younger sibling would be, so friends are very important to him.
He has a special neighbor friend, a girl his age, whom he absolutely adores, but ever since school started (she goes to public) she wants nothing to do with him and will only play with neighbor girls, even girls much older than she is. My son is heartbroken and tells me almost every night at bedtime, when we cuddle and talk about the day, how sad he is, how he feels so lonely and hurt that she doesn’t like him any more.
Is this a normal thing girls do at this age, ie, wanting to play more exclusively with other girls? Since I only have boys, I literally don’t know! How can I help my ds weather this rejection? I have tried to plan more playdates with boys (we don’t have many his age nearby so it requires advance planning to do this). I am heartbroken along with him! As homeschoolers, our neighbors are my kids’ main friends, and it is hard enough to wait all day for them to get home from school, then to be rejected on top of that is so painful.
My 7yo son had a best girl friend last year. They were just perfect together, enjoyed similar things, and really lit up when they saw each other. She even invited him to take a class with her because she wanted to do more with him. And then quite suddenly she went from seeking my son out when our playgroup got together and coming over for additional play dates to ignoring him while she played with girls. Nothing happened between them, it just seemed she all of a sudden wanted to play only with girls. He was heartbroken for a long time but does not bring it up anymore. She homeschools and lives within walking distance from our house. 🙁 I know the pain of seeing your child go through this.
We have gome through these types of things with both boys and girls. But, so far in our experience, it has only been with public schooled children (of both sexes) who have had the attitude of not wanting to play with someone just because of their gender. My kids don’t get it and are hurt and confused by it often. When my dd 6 was wanting to play with a little boy who was not in regular school yet, they would have a wonderful time until he started going to school regularly or if his brother got home. His brother is only slightly older than my dd and wants to play with my ds9 mostly. My ds would always take it for granted that his sisters could play if they wanted to, but it got to be a HUGE issue for this boy. He was saying some very mean things of girls and simply refused to play with her! My ds actually had to (on his own, I was so proud of him) tell this boy, in his words, “no, boys are not better or smarter than girls and I don’t think I should play with you right now because you are hurting my sisters’ feelings.”. Then he put his arm around her and walked her home while she was crying.
The other neighbors are girls who are fine with playing with my girls but as soon as my ds comes out to play they will try to get the girls to leave and not include him. They have also had to have conversations saying that they include their siblings always as long as they are playing nicely. Sometimes this girl just chooses to not play after a few minutes of seeing that ds WILL indeed be staying out with them. That causes hurt in my kids as well because the girls just really don’t understand why she would just stop wanting to play all of a sudden! It has seemed to me that there is almost a bit of a gender war going on between the elementary school kids and kids who are exposed to this sort of thinking get “sucked in” rather easily.
It is a very difficult thing to explain. I am so sorry your sweet boy is hurting about this. He isn’t alone. : (
-Miranda
I didn’t ready everyone’s answers so this is just my experience.
No I don’t know that it’s normal. My 15 yr old ds has 2 close friends his age and both are girls.
When I was young my 3 closest friends, best friends were boys. I’m sorry to hear about your son and that this girl is doing this to him. I will pray that God will help him through and bring a true friend.
My dd4 already tells me when she gets out of childcare at churc that he only plays with girls and the boys play with the boys. I don’t know if it is because all her friends and cousins are boys so she seeks out the girls at church because she doesn’t get that time very often, or if that’s just what they do. She said that the boys only want to play monsters ad the girls play princesses, who know.
I see this mainly with PS kids because in school, kids are teased if they are friends with thopposite sex past 1st grade usually. Socuial rules are very important in PS. my son is 7 & my daughter 8, it apparently is ok for my daughter’s “friends” to play with my son because he is the friend’s brother, but 2 of her “friends” plays mainly with my son due to thier similar interests. LOL At school though, those girls would not acknowledge him but to say hi. So sad.
Another situation was my son & a little girl played well together & wen said girls father saw them running & holding hands etc. He put a stop to the friendship. The dad felt the hand holding & the running up & hugging was inappropriate. To me, it was the most innnocentand purist things. So this was sad too.
Either of theese things can be happening with the neighbor’s little girl…either she was teased about being a tom boy or having a boy firend or her parents have shown a dislike in the closeness. It is sad and hopefully your son will find a new friend that is more loyal.
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