Notes from Sonya's new talk "When More Is Less…"

wow, i didn’t even know this thread was here!  i have been busy eliminating excess at home and haven’t been on this forum!  i believe God is working on us all to simplify!!

I guess I need to read the book.  The living areas of our home are not overly cluttered.  Except for the little girl’s room.  Everything is kept clean. However, my basement and attic are another story.  We do like to keep things-decorations, furniture for the kids when they move out.  Is that wrong? It was helpful for us starting out when that our parents had lots of furniture etc… to give us.

Benita, 

I often wondered the same thing: should we keep this in case we ever move to a bigger house? Or what if our son needs this dresser some day? Or, I hate to get rid of these dishes because my daughter might like to have them when she’s grown.

But, here’s the thing: I trust that God knows what I need even before I know, and He knows what my children will need before I do. If we move into a bigger house, and it ends up that maybe that bookshelf I sold in the garage sale two years ago could have worked in that bigger house, I just trust that I’ll be able to buy/acquire a bookshelf when I need it. I think there are always times when you get rid of something and then six months later realize, “Dang, I really could use that right about now!” But you don’t beat yourself up over it for long. You either go out and find another one, or you get creative and come up with another solution. 

My opinion about furniture may be different from a lot of people’s so take this for what it’s worth. My parents gave us quite a bit of furniture when we got married too, but none of it matched, I didn’t really love most of it, and within a couple of years, my husband and I were like, “Ok, it’s time to grow up and buy our own furniture.” We’ve been married almost 12 years, and we’re on our third couch and loveseat! LOL And there was nothing wrong with couch and loveseat #2; we just had had them for eight years and were ready for a change.

I don’t want to hold on to a bunch of stuff for my kids that they really don’t want. If it’s that important to you to help your children start homes of their own, perhaps you could re-sell those items and give them the money when they’re ready. You could save it for them in an envelope or safety deposit box until the time comes for them to set out on their own. If they’re in high school or approaching college age when moving out is nearing, you could simply ask them what they’d like to keep for their own home someday because you need to make room in your garage/attic/basement. If it’s antique furniture that has some monetary value, you could always see if a local antique dealer can take it off your hands for more than you’d make at a garage sale.

I also don’t want my children to feel pressured to use something in their own homes just because I saved it for that purpose. I want them to have the same privilege that I’ve had to decorate my own home and have my own style–not have to rely on my parents’ style and work around it. If they love the mid-century modern buffet table and want to use it in their home, great. If not, I sure don’t want them to feel like they have to use it because it took up space in the garage for 7 years until they moved out. Does that make sense?

It’s the same way with wedding dresses. My husband’s grandmother held on to her wedding dress with genuine hope that at least one of her granddaughters would want to wear it her own wedding. And guess what? NONE of them did. Every time one of the grandkids got engaged, she quickly pulled the bride into her room and opened the hope chest to get us to try on her wedding dress from 1952. None of us liked it, none of us could fit into it, and she was so disappointed every time. And there was so much pressure on all us girls to come up with an excuse for why we didn’t want to wear it. I don’t want that for my daughter. I don’t expect her to even think about wearing my wedding dress because by the time she gets married, it won’t be in style, she’ll want to have every bride’s dream of choosing her own, or she’ll be a completely different size and it won’t fit her. (By the way, I don’t have my wedding dress anymore because I never hoped that she would wear it.) I see it the same way with furniture.

Sorry if that was long. I just have heard so many people say that’s why they hold on to things, when really (most, not all, of the time) their kids really don’t want whatever it was Mom and Dad held onto for them all those years.

Blessings,

Lindsey 

My opinion differs. It depends on how well off you are financially, how content your children are, and how long it will be until they use it. Furniture is expensive. And if I cannot afford new, I would rather have used from someone I know well than from a stranger (gee, I wonder what that stain is). I was 19 when we got married. My uncle used to joke that we must be living on love because we did not have much of anything else. All of our furniture was given to us by relarives and we were very thankful for it. Over the years we replaced some of it as we could afford to or as they wore out and broke.

As for hand me down clothes, we are thankful for those too. I agree that 12 years is too long. One box of clothes someone gave us had rotted elastic too. Someone could have been using them all those years.

We haven’t yet recorded the workshop, but we’ve noticed that a lot of you would be interested in hearing it.

I would like to hear it too!

I would definitely be interested in this as a workshop to purchase.

Kathy

Bumping this thread as I think others WILL find it helpful as we plan and freak out…I mean, get excited about next school year.

LOVED this AUDIO.

🙂