Name: Thrive! NCHE Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-05-22T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-05-24T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Winston-Salem, NC

This topic has 34 replies, 22 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 5 months ago by csmamma.

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August 23, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Questa7
Member
First off, please know that I respect everyone’s opinions and have no desire to step on anyone’s toes. However, I have been doing a lot of thinking as I read these boards, and have an honest personal concern. I am starting to think that our family really may not fit in well in the CM community.
Here is the reason: my husband and I are devoted Christian feminists. My husband is a theology student and has done a great deal of serious study on the topic, and we are both very committed to promoting feminism in general and, more especially, the equality of men and women in the home and the church. I grew up in the opposite atmosphere, so I do fully understand the opposite opinion which is prevalent on this board.
Our beliefs have a GREAT deal to do with how we are raising and educationg our son and plan to raise our coming child. We do not believe in promoting gender stereotypes. We believe that promoting a nurturing spirit is just as importand in boys as in girls, and promoting strength and independence is just as important with girls as with boys. We let our son pick his toys (to a point! :)) . He loves playing trains, and also loves showing family-type, nurturing interaction with his familiy of toy owls (mommy, daddy, little boy, and baby owls.) We plan on emphasizing civil rights, including the feminist movement, far more than it was in my education as a child.
I have no desire to go into all of our reasons and convictions regarding this at the moment, or to start a debate (I am not nearly as good at debate as my husband is…I’m always afraid of hurting someone’s feelings!) We love the Charlotte Mason method of education; I am a stay at home parent (and writer); but my husband would just as happily be the stay at home parent if our career situations were reversed. We are committed to homeschooling our son, but because we believe it is what is best for our particular situation, not because we believe it is a God-given mandate. My husband and I take equal and full responsibility for our family’s spiritual life and all decisions. No matter what, though, we deeply and earnestly committed to Christianity and our God. I do often refrain from posting on topics here, because I feel it would violate my convictions to agree with certain things, but would offend those here if I disagreed. And I have come to realize that the majority here think very differently than we do. I am afraid that we just really don’t fit in at all. So I guess my question is…is there room within the Charlotte Mason community for honest and open disagreement on these topics? Or is this pretty much a headship, men-are-the-spiritual-authority, women-must-stay-at-home atmosphere (please, not meant to be offensive, just trying to state what I mean), in which case I would probably fit in better somewhere else? Are there others here who differ from the mainstream? Or am I the only one?
Any thoughts here would be appreciated, as I really appreciate you ladies and have learned so much from you all already!!
Thanks,
Amanda
August 23, 2011 at 7:46 pm
suzukimom
Participant
Hi Amanda,
I take absolutely no offense, and I don’t think many will here.
I think that it is totally possible to do a CM education while still believing in feminist ideas. I think you will find that you will have different feelings and beliefs compared to a lot of people in the CM community, but that doesn’t mean the method wouldn’t work. There are a lot of general beliefs on the board that I don’t agree with (different ones) but that doesn’t make me feel that I don’t have things to contribute, or take from the discussions.
If you were not religious, I’d recommend looking at a place more like Tanglewood http://www.tanglewoodeducation.com/index.htm
but as you are religious, I don’t know if you would find that you fit better there or not.
I would hate to see you leave a CM education just because of a difference in beliefs. There is still a lot for you here or at other CM sites. You will probably have some different books you want to have your kids read.
I hope that helps a bit!
August 23, 2011 at 8:42 pm
missingtheshire
Member
I see no real reason why you would not fit into this forum, we all have different ideas and outlooks on many things. We are many faiths, many beliefs, many methods of homeschooling, not all of us are pure CM and so as such I personally welcome you and think you could also gain much from us as we may gain from you. I have to be honest I have never heard of Christian Feminism – I shall have to look it up, but it does not offend me. So welcome, hope you will stay – we are mostly very good at being tolerant on this forum of different ideas – occasionally we may get a bit vocal but it is meant with a good heart. I personally do not think it is my business to be critical of your personal choices, that is for you and hubby to decide. Try us and see how you like us, you can always drop off later if you find us not to your liking. By the way, my daughters are not feminists but they are strong young women who will be equipped to take care of themselves should they not be blessed by a husband and who will be able to care for themselves. Blessings, Linda
August 23, 2011 at 8:44 pm
my3boys
Participant
I agree with Suzukimom, but of course that is entirely up to you. I don’t agree with (or maybe that’s not the right word) or adhere to the all of the food choices most of the families on this site do nor is my husband desiring a large family. I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with the diets (we should eat a better diet, that’s for sure!) but I don’t feel as “convicted” about how we eat at this time. I have certainly been encouraged or challenged to make better choices, but have I made the plunge and started grinding my own wheat? No. Will I ever?? Probably not. Not because I don’t think it’s a wise choice but because our lifestyle may not be ready for that change, and to be honest, I’d never heard of that until I read it here on this forum. Do I think it’s “wrong” to have a large family?? Certainly not, but that is just not our path. I have worked outside the home (for many years with children) and do not condemn any woman/family that feels it is necessary for a lifetime or a season. Hey, there are times I’d like to go to work (vacation as my husband calls it;) but I know that ME being here is best for MY family.
There are probably more examples (XBOXes, video games, movies, tv), but even with the many lifestyles on this forum I have found common ground. The fact that most, if not all, love the Lord and are desiring to serve Him ranks 1st on my list. We all desire (okay, usually desire;) to hs our kids (and do the best we can) is 2nd. And, I have found the most academic help for my kiddos on this forum. I have found great solace here when I have needed it (and I may not have even posted the need/question) many times over.
I can understand feeling like you may not fit in (I can feel that way in some circles), but I also know that you have alot to contribute (like the other ladies) and would be missed.

August 23, 2011 at 8:49 pm
missingtheshire
Member
I should add that I am possibly a little different to the norm. I believe in God with all my heart and soul – and yet I do not belong to any particular denomination – I find joy in all and have not found since my youth a place where I am especially comfortable with the church. I am also perhaps more broadminded that some, having grown up in Europe, that comes with the territory to a great extent. My husband and I have a pretty equal partnership in that we discuss things and come to decisions together – I sometimes defer to him because he is right and I see that after a discussion, other times it works the other way. I am likely not as modest as some, I wear trousers, shorts, sleeveless shirts, but nothing very revealing – we also did not start homeschooling for religious reasons, we did it for academic reasons – however the importance of faith in our school has always been in place. So I am different to a lot of people here – but I feel welcome and occasionally we all disagree, but I think honest, polite dialogue is quite welcome here. We have a wonderful group of ladies, and you are not that different to some of us. Differences can teach us tolerance, love and understanding, too little of that in the world, so I hope you stay. Linda
August 23, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Jenni
Participant
Wow, what a doozy for my first response/comment. I agree with everyone else; I just can’t imagine anyone would be hostile or unwelcoming to you based on what you’ve presented. My husband and I have a lot of very unusual convictions as well, and I’m always taking flak from them from my own mother and other friends and relatives. I know my mom loves me as I am, but sometimes she can’t help pointing out how ridiculous she thinks we are…. I guess if you have either a thick skin or a forgiving outlook, you’ll be just fine. And really, we’re all weird in our own way, right? Can’t wait to glean something profound from your posts! 🙂
August 24, 2011 at 12:48 am
Jennifer
Member
Hi Amanda!
I often don’t feel like I fit in on boards, yet I have taken away some great ideas and wonderful resources from this site. For example, I’m doing Writing with Ease and Getting Started With Latin this year because of this board, as well as All About Spelling. So far All About Spelling is the best thing that’s ever happened to my spelling impaired 9-year-old! Without the ladies here I wouldn’t be where I am. Ok, so I admit, I am obviously not fully CM anymore. I use to be. Now not so much. And yet here I am, poking my nose around enjoying this board in the evenings when I have time. It’s between you (as in you and dh) and the Lord how you choose to raise your children.
August 24, 2011 at 1:11 am
Renelle
Participant
Dear Amanda,
I think our family lives and educating our children is like anything, when we are looking at information or resources it’s like having a baked dinner – you eat the meat and leave the bones. Some information/resources will be right for you and others are ok to be left (on the plate).
We don’t live in the forum, so I see it as a place of encouragement and answers to questions, where we all do our best to support and edify one another as part of the body of Christ.
Warmest wishes, Renelle
August 24, 2011 at 1:35 am
4myboys
Participant
Welcome, Questa 7! There is no reason CM methods will not work for you. One of the many reasons that so many have similar views here on this forum is the fact that such a large portion of those homeschooling with a Biblical perception are from conservative Evangelical Christian backgrounds. CM appeals to this group because of the simplicity and the wholesome family values that were still so prevalent in Charlottes day. Whatever your personal reasons are for homeschooling and chooseing to stay home with your child, I commend you! You are doing something amazing for your child, and your family.
While personally I believe in the Biblical representation of the family, I also agree that may look different played out in other families. The role of the husband and wife may be different, but they are equally important. While my husband and I do consider our marriage a partnership, we fulfill different roles in that partnership. It works very well for us. I do work part-time, and we certainly would feel the pinch if I chose not to, but we could manage if need be. I work mostly to try to take some of the pressure off my husband. I am fortunate that my job is one where I can take my children with me for the three hours I’m at the office daily.
I am also not one of those perfect moms who makes everything from scratch and has the house spotless. I don’t sew and I don’t bake (which is a good thing, cause then I’d eat it). I’m also not very crafty and I struggle to remember birthdays. My husband is a better housekeeper and cook than I am and.
Out of curiousity, what do you write?
August 24, 2011 at 2:06 am
lgeurink
Member
I do not think the information you are looking for regarding education and religion will be compromised in any way b/c you have some opinions or ideas that others here do not share. True there have been some threads where things get out of hand and the SCM team is good about moderating and shutting things down if needed. You are very wise to refrain from posting on topics where you know offense would be taken though none would be meant, I often feel the same way and just avoid those topics. Without a personal friendship and face to face conversations I believe there are too many topics that will get misunderstood, that is what my girlfriends and husband are for! Welcome and I hope you find lots of helpful ideas here, I know I sure have.
August 24, 2011 at 3:35 am
Questa7
Member
Thank you all! I do feel better now, after reading all of your responses. I do want to emphasize that no, I was not thinking of giving up on CM principles; it was more in my mind a question of whether I could fit in in any way amoung “normal” CMers. I think you have given me a solid “yes” in response to that question.
@Linda–thank you for your thoughts. I think you and I would get along very well. 🙂 And do take the time to look up Christian feminism like you mentioned, if you get a chance…I think you will find some very interesting information out there!
@Renelle–Very good point about the meat on the plate. Thank you. I have a hard time sometimes remembering that it is absolutely okay to take some things and leave others…I tend to want to immerse myself completely in a style/group/method.
@Lgeurink-You’re right too about not giving message boards/online communication too much importance. I think that, as a military spouse, I tend to give it more importance than some would, as I don’t have a lot of friends, and move frequently.
@4myboys–As to what I write…it’s quite varied. I’ve published poetry in some small literary magazines, recently finished editing a book manuscript for a pastor client in Uganda, recently ghost-wrote an autobiography for another client who was also a pastor (that one was a doozy…glad it’s over! :)), and am currently working on the second revision of my first novel…hoping to get proposals sent out to publishers before the baby is born. 🙂 Thanks for asking.
And thank you again to all of you for being so warm and welcoming. I grew up in a VERY strict, conservative atmosphere, which also tended to be very judgmental of outsiders…so I guess I am nervous in that respect. I appreciate you all laying my fears at rest. I will definitely hang around, participate when I can, and continue to learn from all of you.
August 24, 2011 at 3:45 am
LDIMom
Participant
I’m very new to the forum. I just wanted to say I see posts that I know don’t fit with how we live our life. I sometimes do wonder how some of the ladies on here get it all done, but other than that I just don’t worry about it.
I actually feel often I don’t fit in with other HS families in general. My DH is not *sold out* on HS per se. Our children attended public schoo for several years *gasp* and we even had children with an IEP for a time (and who received services through the local school). There are times b/c of the above-mentioned that we have been ostracized from this HS group or that, so I guess I’ve developed a thicker skin. And then again, sometimes I just get my feelers hurt!
I hope you stay in the group! Personally, I like having varying thoughts on a group. As to the other thread about Little House, I didn’t even go to the original link b/c we love Little House (both the books and TV show) and we’re comfortable in that … so it didn’t matter to me if some website said Little House is promoting wrong ideas. Again, just their opinion.
Not sure if this is what you’re looking for, but my point is that I think we all share varying views on myriad topics … and that is OK!
August 24, 2011 at 7:15 am
Renelle
Participant
Hi again Amanda,
Just to encourage you we are not ‘normal’ CMers, not because I don’t want to be but our home educating is a journey and I can’t say I’m interested in fitting into a box that will not fit us perfectly and squish our children. Having said that we love CM and strive to implement what we can. It’s a wonderful life.
I’ve never felt unwelcomed here, so thank you to all. Have a great week.
Warmest wishes, Renelle

August 24, 2011 at 12:03 pm
meagan
Participant
Our family is definately not the “normal” CM family, and I’m okay with that! We are following the path that God has laid for our family. I’d rather follow my own path, than someone elses anyday!

We: let our kids watch movies that many would probably not, I read fluffy novels (like Twilight), our kids are very involved in activities outside our home, we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our church’s youth group, our kids play Wii and Xbox, I will use textbooks in our education when I feel it fits, I know I do not dress as modestly as most of the women on here, etc….

Thank goodness that there is no “norm,” and that our God is a creative God, who didn’t make us all the same
August 24, 2011 at 1:22 pm
houseofchaos
Participant
Hi Amanda,
It is so good to have you here. I think Linda said it well with,” Differences can teach us tolerance, love and understanding, too little of that in the world, so I hope you stay.”
Everyone is different. And I truly believe that conversing only with very like-minded folks can easily lead to a narrow view of life, which is not a good thing, in my small opinion.
I have no idea what biblical femininsm is. I do know that way back when in Canada, women were not considered to be “persons” legally, which allowed for a lot of bad men to take advantage of them. The feminist movement changed that, which obviously was very necessary. Feminism today has a bad name (and perhaps rightfully so), but it is certainly not all historically terrible. I expect biblical femininsm is likely quite balanced.
Like Linda, I believe wholeheartedly in the God of the Bible and biblical living, do attend one church regularly, but belong to no particular denomination, and have a marriage much as she has described her own.
We do not promote gender stereotypes either for the most part, although we do show some differences in dress and roles. Our girls wear mostly skirts and dresses because they like them, but certainly have pants for the occasions when it is most practical. And I stay home with the kids because I am a mother of eight (soon to be nine) and in our situation it makes the most sense. But our children, both boys and girls, will leave our homes with some idea of how to mend clothing, make meals, do basic automotive care, balance a budget, love and nurture small children, think logically and generally run a household and/or pursue a career as they see fit.
We are quite conservative, however I know women/families who dress differently than we do, make different educational and recrational choices, have a career, and are very devoted to biblical living. The bible has a variety of interesting ladies in varying roles who were all God’s people (Ruth, Deborah, and Priscilla just to name a few) so surely there is room for all God’s people here as well.
All the best in your journey,
Gaeleen