Need to vent..

((HUGS)) My parenting style is so different from my extended family – in everything from birth to homeschooling – that I have faced a similar situation many times. There is certainly something to be said for shrugging off some comments and not engaging every little perceived criticism. There is also something to be said for being confident enough in your choices that you don’t feel like you need to defend yourself. On the other hand, when certain people (who are permanently in your life) contintue to criticize, it may be time to say something. I agree that your family will eventually see the benefit to your children. In the meantime, I have several “go to” responses that I have used successfully in response to escalating intensity of criticism.

#1 – Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We have considered that, but thankfully it’s not an issue right now. If it becomes a problem, we will deal with it then.

#2 – Thank you for your concern, but this is the right decision for our family right now.

#3 – I know you love our children and want what is best for them, and I appreciate that; however, this is our decision to make, and this is what we have decided.

So often, I find that I need to consider the heart of the person’s comment before I say anything. Some people are truly ignorant and are open to learning something. When I deal with people like that, I am likely to explain our reasoning, share some of the information I have learned, and explain why this situation is working well for my kids. Sometimes they agree, and sometimes not, but they listen. Other people, like TinaB mentioned, are simply looking to justify their own decisions by tearing other people down. With those people, I don’t waste my breath or my energy. They aren’t really interested in what I have to say, and I’ll never find the right argument to convince them. I don’t know what your personal situation is – I think most of us have both kinds of people in our lives. In any case, remind yourself that you ARE making the best decision for your family, and it doesn’t matter what other people think of it.

Cheers,
Sarah

I usually take the smart alec approach when it’s people I know well.  My aunt’s response when I told her we were going to homeschool was “Oh, why would you want to do that to your children?  Homeschooled kids are so…. weird.”  I answered,  “I am SO excited about my kids being weird!  I mean, have you looked around and seen what passes for normal these days?  I want my children to be as un-normal as possible!”

So, here are my responses to your sil’s comments:

“this is a huge responsibility ”  Yes it is.  I’m so glad not to have to rely on strangers to fulfill such an important role in my children’s lives.  I just wouldn’t have the courage to trust anyone else with this responsibility.  I don’t know how you do it!

“how do you know they are really learning what they are suppose to?”  Well, first of all, I designed their program, so I decided and thus know exactly what they are supposed to be learning, and second, I’m there watching them grow everyday, not having to depend on a 3 page report card 3 times a year and some canned comments from a teacher.  How do you know that your children are learning what they are supposed to?  What did they learn this week?  What are they supposed to learn tomorrow?

Of course, it all depends on your personal style.  Even if I don’t make comments like that aloud (although often I do) I still think them in my head and it helps me to remember my reasons for homeschooling.  That helps me put the comments of others in perspective.  And when I do say it aloud, it totally stops the other person in their tracks and makes them think about what they are saying.

Joanne

Petitemom, I may be the odd woman out here, and that’s ok.  I do hear and understand that people (especially our family) have words that cut deeply and our own natural response is to defend.  Without going into anything personally specific, I would like to advise you to remain graciously humble and quiet. Our tongue is a fire and it only makes things escalate when we respond to seemingly rude comments. (which BTW, a few people don’t mean it to rude, they are just saying what they think which isn’t wise most of the time).

To paint a quick analogy, consider the argument to be a ball that keeps getting thrown to you. If you throw it back, it just keeps getting thrown back at you. If one player would just calmly drop it, the other player will get tired of playing. I try to think of this when I need to bite my tongue (even when I feel that I’m right! )

Keeping a reign on the tongue isn’t easy, especially when we know something said to us isn’t true. But our chief end here on earth is to glorify God, not glorify homeschoolers. The first two commandments to love Him, and then our neighbors. It’s not easy to apply this to our daily life, but we can ask God to help and forgive as we continue trying.  

Blessings to you!

I just wanted to add that many of the biggest nay-sayers when we started homeschooling are now my biggest proponents.  I’m pretty sure that if I decided to put my kids in public school I would now have Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles  trying to convince me not too. (and these are people who are/ have been school teachers, and social workers) Your friends and faimly just don’t know better yet–so just smile and nod and know that the proof is in the pudding.

Good luck,

Lindsey

I used to get a lot more of this, but lately it’s been a lot better (finally!).  I still get it from my SIL and my grandma once in a while, but for the most part they just leave me alone (again, finally!).  Like others, most people are worried about socialization, falling behind, even that I’m not supporting our church body’s school system (REALLY???).  My MIL used to be against it, but since my recent “run-in” with Child Protection, she got to see the scores my 2 oldest got on their standardized test.  My oldest is testing above grade level, and my youngest is testing where she should be for her age.    I really hope she spreads the “rumor” around to her other children that we *are* doing great, and the kids are learning exactly what they should be (because I am planning their curriculum LOL).  I haven’t told my grandma about the social worker yet….  Don’t have the guts, but also don’t know that it’s worth it right now.  I’m not sure if my dad told her at all, but I’d doubt it.  I figure if she brings it up, we’ll deal with it then, but for now, let sleeping dogs lie.