Need Help wth Habits

When I find myself off the tracks with a routine, I have to get myself back on before I can begin to get the kids back to where they should be as far as habits, etc.  Setting up my own schedule for a week, or so without including school is most helpful for me.  I have to get up way before everyone else to get the home management situation under control.  The most important thing I work on with the kids during this week is their bedtime/rise time.  It has to be mandatory!  Getting a bedtime and risetime routine established is quite helpful.  Then, I add in chores/habits very slowly (when they are young…when we’re just off track, I refer to the chart I have….why I stop using it from time to time, I don’t know!) 

I’d have a naptime (quiet time) every day, too.  Our rule for the kids at that age was they must stay on their bed with 1 or 2 books for one hour.  I made sure they had a drink and went to the potty first to avoid those two questions. 

Picking up and putting away the things they are playing with should be a priority after each activity.  Nothing drives me battier than the clutter of stuff laying out all over the place.  I’m not room service.  I’m just the manager on duty. 

There are several helpful resources for ting up routines and habits.  I’m sure LDTR4C is excellent when used.  I’ve seen it and like the layout, but if you buy it and don’t follow through with it, it’s just $ down the drain and compounded frustration. 

Starting where you are with what you have will be the most beneficial.  Do everything with them over the next month or longer.  Play with them, then help them put everything away where it belongs.  This is establishing the habit you want them to aquire.  Help them help you set the table in order to be able to assign that job to them in the near future.  Help them wipe down the sink after washing their hands, or the tub after a bath.  That way, over time, they will do this on their own.

If you can WATCH the LDTR dvd, you might find more encouragement on specific habits that CM suggests.  I hosted the LDTR workshop for our homeschool support group back in the fall.  It was a hit!  I think most of them would agree that you’d get something out of it every time you watch it, but the most important take away is YOUR OWN HABIT development.  Our kids and our home never get off track if I’m staying on top of our routine and making sure that slip ups are remedied quickly.  When everything is out of whack, you can bet I’ve let things go and didn’t bother to make sure that everything else picked up my slack.  Are they capable of running the house without me now?  Yes.  But, if I “don’t feel like doing my job” for any length of time, it carries over to everyone else and habits fly out the window. 

Just an honest admission.  It doesn’t take long to get back onto a written down routine.  If you need to figure out how to do that, I can recommend A Mother’s Rule of Life, by Holly Pierlot.  Others find Managers of Their Homes/Chores/Schools, by the Terry Maxwell.  I like Pierlot’s book better for whatever reason…it just finally got through my thick skull.  Nobody can do my job, but me kind of thing.

I’m hoping this is coming out as helpful and not a reprimand.  I’ve been in your shoes more times than I’m willing to admit.  It’s quite cyclical for me in fact.  But, I do have a basic routine written down.  So, I go back to it when I need to and follow it religiously until things are running smoothly again.  My routine (“rule”) includes my daily chores, the kids daily chores, our monthly menu, my exercise/supplements reminders, and extra activities reminders.  IF IF IF we follow it strictly, nothing is out of place, all chores and fine tuned details are taken care of, and school work is completed on time.  Sounds like a dream.  It’s reality when I follow it.  So, I encourage you to find ways to tackle your chores, your kids chores, and lastly school.  Quite honestly, school cannot function without the rest in operational order….at least at our house.

It’s worth the work, even if it takes several weeks, or months, or a year.

Blessings,

Becca<><

MissesLeata, your little ones are so close together, and with the PPD thrown in is very difficult. Please be gentle with yourself and the kids as you work to get yourself on track! I think TailorMade gave you some great advice on getting a routine set for the kids. I also have found that really key to being able to develop the other habits.Quiet time after lunch is still a sanity saver for me!

Once you have a couple weeks or more of setting a routine and sticking to it and spending the time doing things with the kids so you can teach them how you want it done, I would encourage you to pick one habit to work on at a time. It is exhausting as a parent and experating as a child for the parent to correct everything all the time.

So pick one habit and start to work on it. One example from my life would be whining. I wouldn’t put a ton of effort into making the bed or picking up toys, but I would make sure I cought every instance of whining and responded with “I’m sorry I can’t understand whines. Can you try again with your big boy voice?” And I wouldn’t answer when they big kid voice hadn’t been used. Once the habit of talking like a big kid has started to take root, then I would turn to the next most critical need, maybe this time picking up toys.

I would make picking up toys part of our day several times a day- maybe before each meal and bedtime and just build it into our previous routine. In order to help everyone be more successful, I might box up some of the toys so that there is less stuff to worry about so we could get a more successful start and not be overwhelmed.

As far as resources for me to help me keep the house under control- I just always made a list of what to do each day. Monday is laundry, Tuesday is shopping, Wednesday is clean the kitchen, Thurdays is clean bathrooms, Friday is clean floors. I do whatever needs doing on the other days, but I try to get to empty hampers on Monday, Big Costco runs on Tuesday, deep clean the kitchen on Wednesday, etc. Many people find something like flylady.com helpful.

Hang in there… it will get easier as you keep moving along.

Excellent advice from both ladies! I have been scrambling to get back on track too. I have to make myself take one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is necessary at times, but the day I devoted an hour or two to cleaning out the laundry room (catch-all room!) I really had to fight against getting distracted by other things that I “really need to do.” I took care of the children’s needs but the other little jobs that popped up had to be set aside so I could finish the task at hand. And I could see the floor in there when I was finished! 🙂

🙂 Yep! You are not alone. Moms with older children assure me that it gets easier. And my mom reminds me to love these little ones and enjoy them while they’re little. They grow so fast!