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Need help with personal finances; need to spend less $
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We use our debit cards as credit cards online for purchases. Instead of getting a bill in the mail, it comes directly out of our checking account. We also use PayPal often, and it is connected to our checking account as well. No need for a credit card ever!
So much wonderful advice and I don’t really have anything to add, but I wanted to give you my support. I listened to Dave Ramsey for years and my hubby was half heartedly on board with us having a “budget” (term used loosely because it really was nothing like a budget what we ended up doing). Finally we took the class together about two years ago and that was the point when we were both on the same page. We both came from different money spending philosophies growing up, so that didn’t help our situation in the early years of our marriage. We’re still using the budget we created and it’s really beneficial to our family.
P.S. We use our debit card to make purchases online or paypal as well just like Lindsey mentioned.
We sort of did a Dave Ramsey thing but not to the T. Lindsay is right that you need to be in agreement. If you won’t get outside financial advice, then work with what dh will give you.
Envelopes didn’t really work for us because we always make some purchases online out of the various categories. So it would mean putting cash back in the bank before buying the used book on amazon (just an example). What a pain! They only things we did continue using cash for is groceries and entertainment, though we actually take out less than our full amount of cash in those categories so that if dh runs for milk after work he doesn’t need to have the grocery envelope with him. Or if he would go out to lunch at work he doesn’t need the entertainment envelope with him.
We also didn’t cut up the credit cards, though in 11 years of marriage we have NEVER carried a balance. My dh also didn’t see the need and likes accumulating the points. We generally use the points to get gift cards to various stores and use them as ‘free money’ for whatever need or want may come up at the time. We keep from going over our written budget by doing 2 things. 1. We go over our expenditures twice a month to see where we are at – we know what we have to spend. 2. Self control. We just can’t have everything we want. Period. Get used to saying NO to yourself. Yes, the credit card can enable you have less self control, but it is SELF control. That means it isn’t the credit cards fault if I don’t keep track of how much I’ve charged for various things. It’s our responsibility to control our spending. No excuses.
From the very start every purchase was prefaced with a question. Something like…
“Do I want to eat out at a budget restaurant or do I want to stay home with your kids?” “Do I want the $5 Goodwill purchase or do I want to be able to homeschool?” – You need to make this choice 1000’s of times and it does get easier to make! Much easier!
We are debt free, but I have had the same problem of the money being spent a little here and a little there until nothing is left. I readThe Cheapest Family in America a while ago and almost skiped over the finances chapter since we where debt free. I’m glad I didn’t. It is essentially the same principle of write it ALL down, but you creat “accounts” on paper for all your expences. Everything from food, clothing, books, restaurants, I’ve got gardening and homeschool, prescriptions, stamps and gifts. I have 16 pages in a binder I made, each a different “account” that has a set amount each month. And that is what I spend. It has changed everything for me. Where before I used to spend all the monthly income and then some now I am saving a little each month.
Try some things and find what works for you. I have to use cash, if you give me a cc I can’t keep track of the money and overspend (I also use the debit card online and for cash withdrawls, but that is it). My mom is different. If she has cash she spends it, but writes down every cc purchase, so that is how she manages her money.
You mentioned that your budget balances but there are too many small extras. That means your budget is useless. Sorry for being blunt, but the point of a budget is to plan for and account for all purchases. If you aren’t going to do that there really isn’t a point in having one. If you purchase $5 in books a month then that needs to be an item in the budget. $10 in clothes from goodwill – needs to be an item in the budget. If something comes up that isn’t in the budget it is generally an emergency and comes out of the emergency fund. If the book isn’t an emergency then you wait until next month and make sure it fits into the budget.
The other option is to have an ‘extras’ category for those small things that come up but don’t fit in anywhere else. HOWEVER, you need to agree what extras are needed for the month so you and dh don’t both purcase the full budget amount of extras and end up over again.
I will say that, at one point, we simply couldn’t cut our expenses anymore. Our issue wasn’t a spending issue, it was an income issue. We cut out cable, subscriptions, eating out, turned our thermostat up to 80 degrees in the summer and down to 65 in the winter, wrote a budget on paper til we were blue in the face, didn’t even have an “extras” category, never went to the movies, stopped buying clothes and shoes for dh and me, tried to get hand-me-downs for our kids’ clothing, had one car, didn’t water our yard, ate as many cheap grains and starches as possible, etc., etc. All that to say that there comes a point when you can’t cut out anything else or don’t have any extra money to put toward debt, and you simply have to find a way to increase your income.
For a season, my husband worked four jobs. His regular job was at a non-profit as the network administrator. His second job was waiting tables 3-4 nights a week. His third job was leading worship for a youth group on Wednesday nights, and his fourth job was leading worship at another church on Sunday mornings. So I was basically a single mom for over a year, my kids never saw daddy, except on Sunday afternoons, and we fought and struggled with our finances, but WE WON. Praise God!
Since that time, God has rewarded that hard work. My husband works one job now and makes good money. There are still things we can’t afford to just go out and buy, but we live very comfortably and simply save for those expenses as they arise. We keep a nice chunk in our savings account for large, unforseen events. We go on vacations, eat healthy, give to others, buy books when we need to, and consider ourselves very blessed. But it didn’t come without a price and some hard lessons learned. Through it all, we were constantly striving to stay united with each other and to never blame but to be committed to being on the same team.
I’m not bragging on us, but I don’t know many families who are willing to go to that extreme to keep mom at home with the kids while paying off debt. It was never an option for me to get a job and still isn’t.
Now, our lives are drastically easier. We are out of debt, except for our house, which is under contract, and we will make a significant profit on in just a few weeks, if all goes as planned. That season where my husband worked constantly at under-paying jobs just to keep me at home and pay the bills is forever branded in our minds as motivation to never over-spend, use credit cards, have a car payment, or live beyond our means again.
If a written budget won’t work for you (and it may not because it didn’t for us!), find other ways. Yes, decrease your spending, but also increase your income. That’s how you’re going to pay off debt. Have garage sales if you have to and throw that money towards paying off stuff. Figure out how to homeschool for next to nothing. Use the library or borrow from friends so you don’t have to buy books. Sell expensive phones or iPads and get cheaper ones. (Cancelling our cell phones was never an option because we didn’t have a home phone.) You’ll be surprised what you can live without once you start paying off debt. It becomes addicting to find the next thing to sell to knock it down even more.
If you can’t sell anything else and you still need more money, then your husband should get a second (or third) job or find a higher paying primary job. It is possible; you both just have to be willing to make those time sacrifices to do it. Trust me, your children will not suffer in the long run because their Daddy is working extra hard for a season. If they’re older, you can use this as a teaching opportunity to explain why over-spending or debt is such a bad idea. And also to praise their father for being a hard worker and good provider for his family. Or, if you have older children who are able to find work, let them work and either contribute to the family’s needs or pay for their own things. They don’t have to be 16 with a car to have a job. Boys can mow yards or weed gardens for others, paint trim if they’re able, or do simple fix-it jobs for people if they have the skills. Girls can babysit or be a mother’s helper, clean, or cook for people who are willing to pay for it.
I hope this doesn’t seem like I’m ranting. I just believe it completely possible for a husband and wife to work together to increase their income, pay off debt, and have financial peace–each has to be willing to see that the lifestyle they are currently living is not sustainable and literally comes with a price. Oftentimes, the price is steep, but it is always worth it in the end.
Thank you for all of the caring replies, prayers, stories, encouraging words, and resources for me to check out. I will be looking into these changes. I like the sound of the paper system Ruth mentioned, but I will check on computer systems too. I think we basically need to keep and track all receipts like running a business and we need to discuss it more often. My husband does support homeschooling, but only if our finances will work. When I asked him for help this month, his reply was to pay the minimum and/or send me to work. I cannot see how that would solve the problem of overspending. So I told him I would ask the forum ladies for help and I got more than expected. Thank you all so much.
I know I could still lower our food bill. Any ideas? I will start a new topic on that.
Since we are going to continue to use credit cards, I thought I would look for the most rewards I can get and use one card for groceries only. I found this recent blog post helpful. http://www.wisebread.com/the-best-5-credit-cards-for-groceries
The Amex card has 3% grocery reward with no annual fee or 6% grocery reward with $75 annual fee on preferred and each has a sign-on bonus. There is a limit of $6000 spent per year and discount stores and wholesale stores like Walmart and Sams club do not count. So if you do use credit cards and pay them each month, you might want to look into the best reward program you can get. This will help me track our grocery spending better by being on one account. If we reached our spending limit, we can wait to grocery shop until after the statement closing date and make out a grocery list for healthy frugal foods. We can use a separate card for best gas rewards too. If you don’t use credit cards, don’t start now!
And I am going to try tracking expenses in a binder and have husband bring home receipts to me and go over the binder weekly together.
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