I will say that, at one point, we simply couldn’t cut our expenses anymore. Our issue wasn’t a spending issue, it was an income issue. We cut out cable, subscriptions, eating out, turned our thermostat up to 80 degrees in the summer and down to 65 in the winter, wrote a budget on paper til we were blue in the face, didn’t even have an “extras” category, never went to the movies, stopped buying clothes and shoes for dh and me, tried to get hand-me-downs for our kids’ clothing, had one car, didn’t water our yard, ate as many cheap grains and starches as possible, etc., etc. All that to say that there comes a point when you can’t cut out anything else or don’t have any extra money to put toward debt, and you simply have to find a way to increase your income.
For a season, my husband worked four jobs. His regular job was at a non-profit as the network administrator. His second job was waiting tables 3-4 nights a week. His third job was leading worship for a youth group on Wednesday nights, and his fourth job was leading worship at another church on Sunday mornings. So I was basically a single mom for over a year, my kids never saw daddy, except on Sunday afternoons, and we fought and struggled with our finances, but WE WON. Praise God!
Since that time, God has rewarded that hard work. My husband works one job now and makes good money. There are still things we can’t afford to just go out and buy, but we live very comfortably and simply save for those expenses as they arise. We keep a nice chunk in our savings account for large, unforseen events. We go on vacations, eat healthy, give to others, buy books when we need to, and consider ourselves very blessed. But it didn’t come without a price and some hard lessons learned. Through it all, we were constantly striving to stay united with each other and to never blame but to be committed to being on the same team.
I’m not bragging on us, but I don’t know many families who are willing to go to that extreme to keep mom at home with the kids while paying off debt. It was never an option for me to get a job and still isn’t.
Now, our lives are drastically easier. We are out of debt, except for our house, which is under contract, and we will make a significant profit on in just a few weeks, if all goes as planned. That season where my husband worked constantly at under-paying jobs just to keep me at home and pay the bills is forever branded in our minds as motivation to never over-spend, use credit cards, have a car payment, or live beyond our means again.
If a written budget won’t work for you (and it may not because it didn’t for us!), find other ways. Yes, decrease your spending, but also increase your income. That’s how you’re going to pay off debt. Have garage sales if you have to and throw that money towards paying off stuff. Figure out how to homeschool for next to nothing. Use the library or borrow from friends so you don’t have to buy books. Sell expensive phones or iPads and get cheaper ones. (Cancelling our cell phones was never an option because we didn’t have a home phone.) You’ll be surprised what you can live without once you start paying off debt. It becomes addicting to find the next thing to sell to knock it down even more.
If you can’t sell anything else and you still need more money, then your husband should get a second (or third) job or find a higher paying primary job. It is possible; you both just have to be willing to make those time sacrifices to do it. Trust me, your children will not suffer in the long run because their Daddy is working extra hard for a season. If they’re older, you can use this as a teaching opportunity to explain why over-spending or debt is such a bad idea. And also to praise their father for being a hard worker and good provider for his family. Or, if you have older children who are able to find work, let them work and either contribute to the family’s needs or pay for their own things. They don’t have to be 16 with a car to have a job. Boys can mow yards or weed gardens for others, paint trim if they’re able, or do simple fix-it jobs for people if they have the skills. Girls can babysit or be a mother’s helper, clean, or cook for people who are willing to pay for it.
I hope this doesn’t seem like I’m ranting. I just believe it completely possible for a husband and wife to work together to increase their income, pay off debt, and have financial peace–each has to be willing to see that the lifestyle they are currently living is not sustainable and literally comes with a price. Oftentimes, the price is steep, but it is always worth it in the end.
