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Need help with personal finances; need to spend less $
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I am not sure where to go for help, but if we continue to spend money as we are, it will not be good. I may need to go to work and quit homeschooling if we don’t start spending less or something. I tried to do Dave Ramsey several years ago. I was able to lower some bills like insurance at the time, but my husband was not on board with it all and he did not want to stop using credit cards. I am sure the easy solution would be to use an envelope system, but my husband wants us to use credit cards and earn rewards points and pay the bill each month. And I lose track of spending then. The problem is that our savings is going down too much to pay the bills each month as we are spending more than we make. And we need a new roof and were able to get money on a promotional rate credit card for the roof. So now we have a monthly payment for that. We do not make a lot of money either. Is it possible to continue to homeschool on one paycheck? If you have had success in getting a handle on your personal finances, please share your story. Please share any resources that may be of help to us. Please pray for us.
I know that on paper, it looks like we can pay all of our bills. But in real life, there is too much extra we buy that is not on the budget. I don’t mean anything extravagant either. I buy used books for school where I can and a few kindle e-books per month, we eat out at budget restaurants only a few times per month (we could stop this). I buy things here and there that are $5 and $10 and we go to Goodwill where we buy used, but not always something we *need*. We go to homeschool group events or the library once or twice a week (gas). I try to buy groceries the same day to save on gas. In the moment, I do not think we are spending much. But when the monthly bill arrives, I see how it all added up to too much. At the time, I could justify the expense and did not think much of spending $20 here and there. But later I see that we did not really need it and could not afford it. I need to stop all shopping outside of groceries. We are blessed to have a friend give us clothing and shoes her girl has outgrown for my daughter. I buy used and clearance for my son. I have tried to cook budget friendly meals by using dry beans or whole chickens, but I see this is an area that could use more improvement. I have tried gardening and did not do well with it and my husband does not want me to garden this year due to the time and money involved and my past gardening failures. We do not agree on garden location and methods either. I could use more ideas to lower costs and to refrain from buying things we really do not need even if they are only a few dollars or I could justify buying it. We need to be on a shoestring budget and continue to live on one paycheck so I can stay home to homeschool. We need a change and some encouragement, please.
One that can be done if relying on a credit card is to enter the charge in a program like Quicken just like it was cash. Then the $$$ are out of your checking account and set aside ready to pay the credit card when it comes.
I can’t recommend You Need A Budget (YNAB) enough! We did Dave Ramsey at first and it was OK, we were more aware of things, but still spinning tires. Once I started using YNAB it was a shock to both of us. On paper our budget looked fine, but tracking it to the penny was a different story. That was almost 7 years ago and we have since sold cars (with payments) to pay cash for older ones, paid off our old house (which is now a rental) and built a new home, added 3 more children to our family, started homeschooling, etc. I don’t know where we would be if we hadn’t made those drastic changes. It was hard, there were tears, and definitely some heart to hearts, but here we are… stronger than ever, with an open conversation about finances each day/week/month. It wasn’t until it was in black and white that we realized just how bad things were. I remember two very hard conversations with DH in those early years – one while still pregnant with my oldest (and trying to figure out how to live on one income), the other was looking at YNAB after a month or two of tracking, trying to figure out just what to cut out. All that was left was my husbands truck payment. The truck that was his “baby.” We ended up getting an older Suburban (that we still have) that he enjoys even more, go figure! I know with him it took hard facts, numbers on paper, to really see where we needed to make changes.
And you would be amazed just how quick those little purchases add up. It makes us sick to think how much money we blew through and have no idea what it was on! Even now, there are months when I lose track of things a bit too much (like this past month when I didn’t look at the budget for 4 weeks in a row… oops) and reality sets in when I am looking at way more red than I would like to see at the end of the month
Well, despite the fact that your hubby wants to use the credit card, how about if YOU use the envelope system for everything else. If your family is anything like mine – I’m the one that does the bulk of the spending. AND Dave Ramsey’s system is what got us to the point of being entirely debt free including our home, which is simply amazing considering my hubby was barely 40 when we paid it off. We paid off tens of thousands of dollars in school loans, bought cars with cash, and lived in a tiny apartment while all our friends were buying nice homes and nice cars. When hubby left a job he hated without another one lined up, we had six months of expenses saved to keep us going. All of these were principles we learned with Dave Ramsey. Pray that your hubby will come to see the dangers of the way you’re spending right now, and ask him to tell you what he’d like to do to make ends meet. Ramsey would say hubby can get a second job and you should sell everything that is not nailed down. That doesn’t sound fun, but if you don’t cut spending you’ve got to increase income – of course doing BOTH is really the ideal. Is your DH commited to you homeschooling? If he is perhaps he’s willing to sacrifice spending in order to make sure you can stay home to do it.
One thing that helps us is that my husband and I share the money-chores. I feel so strongly that this is what saves us fights on money issues.
I am the “secretary”: I enter everything in QuickBooks (which is like Quicken, except QB is for businesses) and make sure the online register matches our checkbook register. I do this once (or twice) each week. The software can tell me what our credit card bill is as long as I enter all receipts; I can pull up reports on what we spent in what category and in what months (helpful for letting my husband know what bills are in the future, so “no, honey, you can’t buy a new tractor – we have this bill coming up!” type situations.). I can figure out what our average grocery bill is — I can separate things so that I know how much I spend on food and how much I spend on household cleaners and the like.
But then, my husband writes out the checks and pays all the bills (except for our weekly feed bill and the medical bills – I take care of those). This way, my husband sees money going out of the checking acct. He sees the credit card bill (why in the world is this so high?? and tells me to quit spending – accountability for both of us).
My advice would be to ask your husband to take over the money-chores. Or to share them with you. I’d even suggest that you take the “secretary” job. That makes your husband the boss, and with a sweet spirit, you’ll just obey him. It’s so much easier for a man to lead his family when he’s truly the one who’s got the responsibility on his shoulders for paying the bills. And it’s so much easier for us as wives to be a helper to our husband when it’s the “REPORT” from the software that says we spent so much (or he spent so much). It makes the truth less personal. IT’s not me telling my husband that he’s spending too much money, it’s the computer.
I will pray for your family. This is a rough thing to go through. But there’s so much blessing and peace on the other side! Don’t give up!
Just want to give you some words of encouragement: Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” and Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
As for the big money expenditures, I am no expert, but my husband and I have 4 children and we are completely debt-free after starting our marriage with college debt.
Prayer–Whenever my husband and I don’t totally agree on something, I give it to God in prayer. Over and over again, God has worked things out even better than I planned. If you can, pray with your husband specifically about finances. When I see my husband pour his heart out to God over an issue and I do the same, we come away with our hearts and minds joined and we find that we encourage one another more.
Homeschooling–if it is God’s will for you to continue, He will make a way. I quit a really good job to stay home with my children and my husband has 2 jobs. God has really blessed, but it is a commitment. Make a wish list of resources you would like to buy and then pray about it. Don’t buy anything impulsively. Borrow a resource before you buy it.
Gardening–I have had failures too and if you don’t garden, you can still live frugally. One idea might be to buy plants for a friend who excels at gardening and then share the produce. Or just don’t worry about gardening for now.
Kids and money–Teach your kids very early about money. My ds7 is lining up jobs to earn money for a $20 book. Don’t take them shopping with you if they cause you to make purchases not on your list. As a side note, I always spend less money if I go with my husband because we never browse and he doesn’t like to spend money. Do you have a friend that could go with you and make sure you don’t spend too much?
Eating out–Drink water and teach your children to do the same. My husband and I often share a meal to save Calories as well as money. Avoid eating out by being prepared. Make sure you take refillable water bottles with you and snacks whenever you go anywhere. Take a picnic lunch to the park. Cooking together at the house is more fun than eating out IMHO.
Goodwill–I love bargains from Goodwill (especially living books), but as my Dad used to say, “It’s not a bargain if you don’t need it.” If it’s not on your list, do not buy it.
Gifts–This is where I could go overboard. The other day, I said, “let’s give $50,” and my husband said, “let’s do $10”. My husband is often the voice of reason and afterwards I feel so good about listening to him. There is no shame in tucking $5 in a card or even just giving a card and writing how much you care about the person. My husband often just writes me a letter on special days and I really treasure it. We could spend the money, but my husband and I typically do not exchange Christmas gifts. A $5 journal with reasons why I respect him was one of his favorite gifts. For his birthday, he usually requests a book and then wants me to make sure I get it used.
Last week ds turned 3 and we had a wonderful party with our family (12 people) for around $75. I spent $30 on his gifts– a child’s wheelbarrow and garden rake, $9 on decorations, and made the cake for about $10. I cooked breakfast foods and everyone seemed to enjoy.
Do without–over the years we have done without cell phones, satellite television, high speed internet service, and new clothes and electronics (things that people assume everyone has). We still can’t believe how much stuff God has blessed us with.
Be generous–my husband is frugal, but very generous when it comes to God’s people. In addition to tithing, he always gives at least 5% of our income to missionaries. I have heard that you cannot outgive God and it is very true. When you honor Him, He will honor you!
I hope these ideas are helpful to go along with the ones you already have. You are on the right track and your family can do this with God’s help!
I forgot to add that I just saw a site called mint.com — that may be something for you to look into. I”m not sure where I heard about it – and I don’t know all that it does, just that it helps you track expenses.
And “AMEN” to all that Raines just said!
🙂
We are in a similar situation. I have begged for the envelope system. My hubby’s likes to use the CC, mostly for convenience. We haven’t found a solution yet, but we are working on it.
I’ve been reading, “7: an experimental mutiny against excess” and it’s helping to change my thinking about spending. (And then I share what I’m learning with him. 🙂 ) I have hope that we will get through this.
I admire you so much for having the courage to post something so personal in such a public place!
Whether you use cash or credit cards, drive new or used vehicles, buy extras like books or clothing, eat out or eat at home–the most important piece of wisdom I can give you is for you and your husband to be in agreement. Personally, we are debt-free and used Dave Ramsey’s resources to get that way. Our only debt is our mortgage–which will be paid off in a few weeks when we close on the sale of this home. We are planning to rent something for a while to really throw money into savings and also to have a break from the responsibilities of home ownership. UNITY is what you and your husband need. You can have all the extra finances to pay off debt or go on vacation or buy brand-new clothes, but if there isn’t agreement between the two of you, it’s not going to work no matter what you do.
I suggest that the two of you find time alone together, preferably a night or two away if you have someone who can keep your children. Use that time to pray together and talk about your goals as individuals, a couple, a family, and vision for your finances. This would be an excellent time to explain to your husband that you have a huge need for financial security and that the credit cards and other spending habits are causing you to feel very insecure. It’s actually a proven fact that a woman’s #1 or #2 need is financial security and the other one is communiction (read Jimmy Evans’ Marriage on the Rock for good wisdom on the different needs between men and women). It sounds to me like neither of your needs are being met at this time. (And before anyone contradicts me and posts that it’s not a husband’s job to meet his wife’s needs, and it is only Christ who can do that, let me just say that part of a husband “loving his wife as Christ loves the church” is to meet her needs, just as a wife meets her husbands needs for honor and sexual intimacy as a servant who honors her husband as Sarah honored Abraham, calling him “lord”. Just had to say that!)
If it’s not possible for you to have a couple of days alone, try to plan 2-3 or evenings where you either put the kids to bed early or give them some sort of entertainment so you can have a few hours together to discuss these things. Get into agreement together. Make unity in every area of your marriage a priority–before paying off debt or lowering your spending or breaking bad habits. Knowing that unity is your goal and motivation will make all those other things have a reason and will give you that extra push you and he need to change those other habits.
This may shock some people, but my husband and I don’t keep a written budget anymore. Keeping a written budget actually caused a lot more disagreement and arguements for us, and in the end, we agreed that keeping a written budget was hurting more than helping. We still managed to pay off over $25,000 of debt–credit cards and cars–without a written budget. Dave Ramsey would probably shoot us if he knew that, but it’s what kept us in agreement. Anytime we got extra money, like an income tax refund or birthday money or whatever, we applied it to our debt. I suggest you and your husband do the same. And there was a time when my husband worked 4 jobs so that I could stay home and homeschool, and we were still able to keep our spending under control. If homeschooling and having a stay-at-home parent is a priority, you will both find a way to make it happen, trust me! My husband and I don’t even discuss the idea of my going to work ever because we both AGREE that it is a priority to keep me at home.
We also don’t discuss the idea of using credit cards because we both AGREE that we don’t want to use them. We don’t allow our children to sleepover at other people’s homes because we AGREE that it’s not the best choice for us. We don’t vaccinate because we’re in agreement that it’s not healthy for our children. See? When you’re communicating about everything and can come to a place of unity in those areas of your lives, it doesn’t really require a discussion in the long run.
The second thing I can tell you is that you’re BOTH going to have to be willing to make sacrifices for this whole unity thing to work. Your husband may have to sacrifice his desire to accumulate points or miles w/ credit cards so that you and he can be united in your financial goals. You may have to sacrifice those small purchases at the book store or Goodwill. And so on.
As pastors, the number one thing my husband and I see in couples who are having difficulties–whether those are financial, sexual, parenting, or whatever–is that there is always one and usually both people in the marriage who want something their way and aren’t willing to concede or compromise for the good of the relationship. It’s pure selfishness. And marriage is the earthly relationship that’s meant to model the relationship of the Bridegroom (Jesus) with his Bride (the church). It’s a relationship of putting the other above oneself because of the unconditional love and grace that’s supposed to be present between you. If you’re not willing to quit making those small, seemingly harmless purchases, that’s selfishness. If your husband isn’t willing to give up the credit cards, that’s selfishness.
I’m not trying to sound harsh at all, but just to speak the truth in love. The problem you find yourself in is, unfortunately, very common. It’s not impossible to get out of, and it doesn’t have to be extremely hard. If you and he can come into agreement and work through this like you’re on the same team instead of opposing sides, you’ll be amazed at how much easier, and even FUN, the process can be!
Blessings!
Lindsey
I am in this same spot. Several times I have tried to save and get on a budget, but my husband’s ego is so wrapped up in his ability to provide for us, that anytime I make any gestures toward saving or budgeting, he takes it as an attack on him, as if I am telling him that he’s not doing enough. We pay our credit card off every month, but I hate having to use it.
Something else I can suggest for those of you who cannot get into agreement with your husbands is to seek out some marital counseling. There is so much pride surrounding NOT getting the help of a third party, and I’m just going to tell you that’s a lie from the enemy. We have an excellent marriage, and we’ve been to marriage counseling for two separate situations! GASP! A man and a woman are two separate people. Just because you come together in marriage as “one” doesn’t mean that everything merges together smoothly. You still have separate feelings, opinions, and thoughts. It’s so NORMAL to argue and even to come to an impasse in certain instances. It is such a myth that only people on the brink of divorce need counseling. Does the Bible not tell us that wise people will seek out wise counsel? So, in truth, a wise marriage will seek out wise counsel.
My husband and I had a point of conflict for over five years. It wasn’t something we talked about all the time, and it didn’t cause ramifications in other areas of our lives, but when it did come up, there was zero agreement between us. We were on separate sides of the fence, and neither of us felt we were wrong nor were we willing to compromise. (It was an issue over adopting another child–so there really was no compromise in that situation.) We agreed together that we would seek out counseling for this issue. Going into our appointment, we agreed that we would do whatever the counselor told us. Since we could not come into agreement on the issue, we would take the counselor’s words as words from the Lord Himself and we would do it without arguing. Guess what? The counselor actually sided w/ my husband and was able to help me see that my desires for wanting to adopt weren’t pure but were coming from a hidden place of hurt in my heart. I received freedom from that hurt and my husband and I haven’t argued about adoption again. I would still love to adopt if God ever gave us that opportunity, but it’s no longer a point of disagreement in my marriage. That was several years ago, and to think that our pride might have gotten in the way of hearing wisdom in an area of our lives that we were not united about!
So please, please, please, if you can’t come into agreement, get some counseling. Find a pastor or some other wise couple and AGREE with your spouse ahead of time that you will listen to the wisdom you’re given and follow it. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong in marriage; it’s about who’s willing to be the redeemer of the relationship. Be the redeemer, get counseling, and pray like crazy.
How do you make purchases online without a cc? Or are you using your debit card?
I feel like we always have a random big purchase every month…meaning, it won’t be an ongoing expense but there’s always something. I want to do the envelopes but am afraid! It will probably be eye-opening to my spending habits. All we have is our mortgage but we don’t want any debt.
I’ll keep watching the post for more wisdom. Thanks for bringing up the topic.
I second YNAB (You Need a Budget) It is so simple to use, but really helps track expenses and plan for coming expenses. We use CC but enter them into our checkbook and treat as cash (it is how my parents did it with great success when I was growing up); it works for DH and me. We never spend more than we can pay every month, but since we do want to fly to see our very spread out family we are able to use the mile rewards. We only have a mortgage payment and hope to pay it off much earlier than the 30 years we are allowed.
We also have a rule that over a certain $ amount (we have our personal comfort level) we have to talk before buying.
Unsubsribe from sale blogs, emails, FB postings… if the temptation is not there it is so much easier (and it does not fill your inbox or FB feed).
Agree with Lindsey… you have to get on the same page as your husband; but in that time you can start taking steps on your own, even things that seem small add up. Sometimes just by seeing the change the other person starts to wonder… They don’t hear frustration and start to wonder in a good way what the change was.
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