Natural Consequences

Hmmm…I suppose you could not allow them to wear their coat next time they go outside…

Ok, not really.

We have had issues in the past with leaving shoes, clothes, pjs, etc. on the floor. The natural consequence I came up with was having the child who left his shoes on the floor “practice” putting them away 10 times. So, if I see shoes on the floor, I call the child in, ask him/her if they forgot to do something, and usually get the response, “Oh! My shoes! I forgot!” I will then tell him/her that because they keep forgetting to pick their shoes up, they will have to pick them up, put them away, get them back down, and do it all over again 10 times. 

I did the same thing with my dd5 who kept knocking the couch pillows onto the floor and then walked all over them. I told her to keep the pillows on the couches, but she didn’t obey and was soon walking all over them again. So, she had to pick up the pillows 10 times, and put them back on the couch. She hasn’t knocked the pillows off again!

I think the kids see the nonsense and frivolity in having to repeat something so pointless over and over again, so they make their minds up to do as their supposed to so they can avoid the repeated pointlessness.

HTH,

Lindsey

Christie,

That is a super idea! I just got Spend, Save, Give jars for the kids today, so that they will have a better way to keep track of their money. I think I’m going to use your idea! Thanks, as always!

Lindsey

Our kids don’t receive an “allowance”. They’re on commission. (If you’re familiar with Dave Ramsey at all, he talks extensively about commissions.) Basically, if they do the chores on their chore charts and any other extra chores I assign throughout the week, they get paid. Our kids are 5 and 6 and receive .10 per chore. Anything that is left undone or incomplete does not count when “payday” comes. My kids have the opportunity to earn $3 per week, if they do every chore with promptly, excellently, and joyfully. If those conditions aren’t met, it’s .10 off their paycheck (which is actually cash).

suzukimom, how young are your kids? Dave Ramsey is confident that even a child as young as 3 can see money piling up in a Mason jar and get excited about it. I just bought Spend, Save, Give jars today so that we can better teach our kids how to more wisely manage their money. Both caught the concept quickly. 

Christie, my husband was totally on board with the Redemption Box! Thanks for the great idea!

I agree with you about not connecting chores and money. This is why we were so hesitant for so long about allowing our kids to earn money for their chores. We are hard-core Dave Ramsey groupies, and this was the one principle we had a hard time implementing. The reason we decided to get on-board with it is because our children were having a hard time understanding why Daddy had to go to work every day. It was so hard for them to accept that he was at work when they woke up in the morning and wanted him to be home with us. We thought it would be a good way for them to understand that Daddy is responsible for taking care of his family and earning money to pay for our home, car, clothes, food, and entertainment if they had to earn money for the things they wanted. My husband also works two jobs and is gone a lot, and it was very difficult for them to grasp why he wasn’t home with us.

They have been doing chores for two solid years without any payment whatsoever until recently. Thankfully, we don’t have the ‘gimmes’ either. Since this is a natural consequence question and we’ve sort of gotten off track, I will try to redirect. 

Jenny, I would say that if you’re reminding the children to pick up and put away all day long, take Christie’s idea and start “repossessing” their belongings. If they don’t currently receive commissions or an allowance, perhaps you could come up with a creative way for them to earn some money. That way, they have a way to pay for their repossessed items. Other natural consequences that we’ve used are specific to each situation, so I’ll list a few:

• When bedtime was becoming a struggle and the kids weren’t obeying quickly when told to put on pjs, brush teeth, etc., I denied them a special surprise I had been planning if they did as they were told, when they were told. It only took two nights of me saying, “Sorry, I was going to allow you to stay up 30 extra minutes and watch a video, but you didn’t obey quickly when I asked you to brush your teeth. Maybe next time you’ll obey”, and they have done much better. By the way, they didn’t know beforehand that I was going to allow this special treat. I don’t bribe for obedience.
• The other night, I told my dd5 to pick out a book for me to read to her and then take the book to bed with her. When I walked in her room, she was sitting on the floor, playing with a magnet book. I had to say very sorrowfully, but sternly, “I’m sorry you didn’t obey and pick your book and hop in bed like I asked you to. I’m not going to be able to read to you tonight. Tomorrow night you can try again.” She hasn’t repeated that offense again.
• When a meal is served and children get picky or don’t eat, they go hungry until the next meal or snack, no exceptions. I don’t remind them to eat, I don’t make them try anything. If they don’t eat when everyone else eats, they go hungry. Period. Also, I do not offer dessert as an incentive to eat dinner. “If you’ll eat your food, then you can have a brownie” is not allowed at our house.
• Sometimes I get nervous when I drive or if traffic is heavier than usual and I’ll ask the kids to lower their voices or be quiet altogether so I can concentrate. If they do not obey, they have to put their hand over their mouth until we arrive at our destination or until I think I can trust them to obey completely.
• For major “mouth” offenses (i.e. harsh words, attitude, disrespect) it’s vinegar on the tongue. I also explain that what that vinegar tastes like is how their words sound coming out of their mouth, and if you don’t like the taste of the vinegar, what makes you think we want to hear unkind/harsh/disrespectful words?
• For schoolwork, like copywork, if I can see that a child is not doing his best but trying to rush, our motto is “Do it nice or do it twice”. If not done with excellence, it gets done again. I have not had a child do copywork over in a really long time!

That’s all I can think of right now. Hope that answers your original questions, although I am glad we got off on the allowance/commissions discussion. Good stuff!

We do a commission based system, as well, rather than just “allowance.”  We are also Dave Ramsey fans, so we have a giving, saving, and spending bank for each of them.  10% giving (teaching them to tithe), 50% savings (though I like the idea of splitting this one into short-term and long-term), and 40% spending (they don’t spend much yet, but they do use this to save up for a special toy or whatnot).  We don’t give them a lot: $.25 for “extra” chores, and $.10 for “regular” chores (our oldest is 7).  After reading this thread, though, I may actually get a special jar of my own for each of them, and as they do their chores through the week, put their money in there.  Then when they get out of line, or owe from the Redemption Box (see comment below), they can see their stash going down.

LOVE the Redemption Box idea!  May have to implement that…..  My kids love to leave stuff laying around.  :-/

Oh, and Lindsey, I love your idea of doing copywork completely over again.  I can definitely see how they’d get that the first time it happened!  LOL

I like the Redemption box idea too.  Our boys also share a room and toys.  We do not give an allowance.  The boys have opportunities to earn money here and there.  I was thinking though that they would be able to earn back their items from the box by doing extra chores.  I could have a list of chores that would equal so much money and they could earn it back that way.   For instance…  your cleats cost $2 (he needs those for football, you can bet he would earn those back right away!).  You can scrub the siding on the house for $2.  Would that work for you suzukimom?

Carrie, 

Great idea to have chores associated with “buying back” stuff! 

Christie/Sara B., 

I forget where I came up with “Do it nice or do it twice”. It seems like I read about it somewhere, but can’t remember… At first, I only used it for copywork because my ds would hurry through his writing toward the end of the selection. I would point out to him that the words at the beginning of the sentence were so much nicer than those toward the end. After a few times of completely re-doing his copywork, he has yet to get sloppy with it again. I think I may have had to implement the “do it twice” consequence two or three times over the entire school year! We now use that saying with many things: folding clothes, making beds, brushing teeth, cleaning rooms. It’s a great way to remind children that they must have an attitude of excellence in everything they do, no matter how small.

Jenny,

I hope we’ve given you some helpful natural consequences. I used to have a really hard time with this one too!