Name: Spreading the Feast Gathering
Start: 2025-07-11T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-07-12T23:59:59-05:00
Location: LaGrange, KY

This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 6 months ago by Tristan.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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November 28, 2011 at 11:11 pm
suzukimom
Participant
So I’m not sure what to do. My son, 8, thinks he is stupid.
He has seemed to be struggling this school year, and I can see that his self esteem is taking a hit….. He has made a few comments.
Near the end of summer, he told his dad that he wanted to learn how to “write”. I haven’t been able to find out from him what exactly he meant (Creative writing? how to spell? – we did cursive first and he could write with a model above him – but not well for writing other things…) – From that, and with my daughters not progressing with the cursive program – we now are learning Italics, which is going well…. but still he can’t really write his own thoughts yet (still learning the alphabet)
He has made a couple of other comments – not being able to remember things (and that does seem to be an issue… you will ask him to do something, and a moment later he says “what did you want?” and I have to say a lot of the narrations from him start with “I can’t remember”…. but he has learned scriptures and things with our memory work, has memorized how to play about 25 songs on the violin, and can tell you where everything is on our Lego Wii games…. I’m wondering if it a problem with how the thing to remember is presented….)
Then the other day discussing something, my dh said something about me being smart – and he said “I’m not smart”. Of course my dh and I disagreed with him and said that he was smart – but you could tell that he figured we just said that because parents say that…..
Then yesterday we were talking about Sunday School, and he said that so-and-so could read really well…. then said that he can’t read. Well, of course he CAN read. He is struggling a little with it, so he isn’t that fluent… (I’ve been wondering about the vision therapy type stuff….)

I look at the stuff that has happened these last few months…..
We moved to a more family based learning…. he is basically in “Year 3” and his sister (who is advanced for his age – and very similar in abilities) is in “Year 1” – so they are doing almost everything together. History, Science, etc. In Math, we changed to RS this year… he was only about 1/2 the way through Year 2 MEP at the end of last way, and his sister (who demanded math) was 3/4 of the way through Year 1 of MEP, so they tested to both start Level B of RS – so they are even doing math together right now. They were doing the new handwriting program together for a while, he is now ahead of her a couple of lessons.
He hasn’t passed his swimming level in over a year… in September his sister passed into the same level…. although she was actually moved back to her previous level a few weeks ago. He has been struggling with violin… he hasn’t been practicing a lot. He was just at the edge of being able to be in the Book 2 class at the start of this year… and although the teacher had said at the end of last year that he wouldn’t be in the Book 2 class for this year, she put him in it at the beginning of this year. But he isn’t keeping up – so she has moved him back to the book 1 class (which, btw, his sister is in….) – and I know that is bothering him a lot. Especially since the kids he was with last year are all in the book 2 class.
I think he is a Visual-Spatial Learner (I haven’t done a lot of research – but i know he seemed to fit that category a couple of years ago – he would likely be really struggling even more in a regular school) – but he can creat such fantastic Lego creations and other models – I could see him becoming an engineer or an architect or something. He has always struggled with language (barely talking at age 2 – tends to stammer, etc) and so much of school emphasises that.
And to top it off – his sister is very bright, and I’d say almost certainly gifted. I started her with math when she turned 4 because when she was 3.5 she would listen in to his math and answer before he could… so I gave her her own math (And took it slowly).
I know I need to talk to him (when I can get him alone… not much 1 on 1 time around here!) but I don’t know how to convince him. He also is a perfectionist (of the sourt that doesn’t want to even try if he thinks he won’t be able to do something perfectly) – that has improved a lot – but I’m sure that is just added into the negative self-talk that I see must be in his head.
I also know that he had some problems come up in the 1st cub pack (we changed cub packs after a couple of weeks) where the kids were supposed to write down information for an outing…. all the PS kids, who are used to writing pages of stuff at school, well, he ended up having a leader discretely write it for him (this was before we had changed writing programs too)
Any suggestions, advice, etc?
November 29, 2011 at 1:43 am
Wings2fly
Participant
Sent you a PM. Also, I wonder if the memory problems could be from too much stress? I think the Scripture memory uses a different part of the brain than other information.
November 29, 2011 at 5:03 am
chocodog
Participant
I agree with Sarah. I went to my sisters and my son was reading to my neice. She has a problem with skipping lines. Her eyes have a problems tracking. Maybe he has a similar problem. My son was reading better than she was. After that he never mentioned a reading problem or being stupid again. We noticed she was trying harder to read better and kept practicing more. Maybe you could have him read to someone with a disability? It would help him feel better.
November 29, 2011 at 5:13 pm
LillyLou
Participant
I didn’t get to read all of the thread, but I wanted to write a little personal experience here as encouragement: I’m the oldest in my family of 3 children. My next brother is 15months younger than I am, and absolutely brilliant-always has been. We always did the same work in school; I was just where I was “supposed to be” and he was always ahead. Of course I felt that I wasn’t smart because often, he would remember things better, and perform better-especially on tests-than I did.
When this really started to bug me, I remember my mom having a conversation with me about diligence, and how important it is to “keep on keepin’ on” even when you don’t feel as though you’re catching on to something from the get-go. This was comforting to me because I finally decided that even if I couldn’t “get it” right away, the thing I had control over was my effort. Trying and persisting are important. Being “smart” doesn’t just mean “getting it” all the time. I would argue that it’s “smart” to make up your mind to persevere until you can understand something, or accomplish the task you’ve set out to accomplish.
So there you have it. My epiphany from childhood: Diligence has its own rewards. And sometimes, it even makes you look smart ;o)
Of course, as his parent, I’m sure you will explore areas you think may be of trouble physically or otherwise for your son, but reminding him that he has the power to govern his own diligence may be the empowerment that he needs.
Blessings to you, and I hope it gets better
Hugs,
LillyLou
November 29, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Misty
Participant
I just wanted to say that my son also doesn’t think he’s smart. And it’s because he struggles in school. He says in every subject but I know it’s mainly in math. This subject just overpowers him something terrible. We try talking to him often but feel as we don’t get through. He also has a sibling one younger who is passing him in math and this has made things worse.
Pray, that’s all I got. We talk, pray and try to encourage. But I think other than that right now for us that’s all we have to offer. That seems so sad, but we can’t make him believe otherwise. Misty
November 29, 2011 at 9:43 pm
Tristan
Participant
I guess the one thing I thought of was separating him and his sister for at least one or two subjects that they can do together. Yep, it makes more work for you, but let me give an example and it may not make that much more. I have two children 13 months apart (boy and girl as well). I will teach them the new math concept together one day. Then they have access to up to 6 practice and review pages before they take the test for that chapter. Each day I give them a practice/review sheet I make sure they get different ones. If my son gets page A then my daughter gets page B. If my son gets page D then my daughter has any other page but that. In this way they are both working on the same thing, with individual problems so there is less room to compare.
For writing (composition, not handwriting) what do you use? (I didn’t notice in the post). We are really enjoying WriteShop’s elementary level. It takes mom’s time to support them ( I write their words as they’re answering questions/developing a story and then they copy it – copywork!). I use two dry erase boards, ask each child the question/prompt, and record their words on separate boards. So while they are learning a concept or working on a topic together, they are doing individual projects. An example, the theme for the first unit is animals. One day the topic can be ocean animals. I ask them each “What is your favorite ocean animal?” I coach them into using a complete sentence if needed, then record their words. Next I ask one child “What does that animal look like?” and record answer, repeat for the other child. I literally sit in the middle of them at the table for this. Or I may ask different general questions, to one, “What is one big ocean animal?” while to the other “What is one little ocean animal?”.
I understand the need to save mom time by grouping kids together, I do it too. But with your son’s situation it may help to give him at least a few things separate from his sister for a while. ((HUGS))