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My kids are constantly at odds with each other!!!
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Why can’t my kids get along better??? They are ds 13, ds 9 and dd 7. My 13 year old is a MAJOR player in creating havoc around here. I question if he likes his little sister at all 🙁 Now granted she has her moments but he could try a little harder to be the big brother. He isn’t happy if he isn’t bossing either…… trying to talk to him, well that is a waste because according to him he never does anything wrong OR his brother or sister deserve whatever he decided to dish out. Today all I hear is them constantly criticize, condemn, blame each other. Today I want to send them away to school 🙁 Obviously I didn’t do a good enough job teaching them to be kind to and love one another….
Morning Debbie, and I hear your heart, and I have moments with my boys where they are making me go wacky with being “at each other” and at odds. Today, I really had to take a moment to pray and ask the Lord to help me to be His tool as I seek to raise and train these boys for His glory. I know I start to feel like the broken record etc… My answer?? I believe my husband would say consitancy, the Truth of Gods Word spoken and prayed over myself and them, and forgiveness. Sometimes these young ones need to be reminded about how much they have been forgiven, abt being peace makers, abt speaking truth in love. They also have to be reminded of the order that God has put in families and that you are in authority over them and that you are the one to be dealing out correction. I told my boys today that the Bible says “Encourage one another and build each other up, and not to tear one another down. There have also been times where they weren’t permitted to speak with one another until they had kind words to use and are sorry, hopefully repentant (usually not long). There are days that are so frustrating, but along with that, they are learning and growing under your loving eyes and making the choices they do where you can see them. This is one of if not the most important blessings of choosing to do school at home which is the character training. As challenging as it can be. They could be out making choices where no one loves them enough to correct them in love. Blessings to you and your family, I hope and pray that you have a wonderful rest of the day!
Take a look at the website http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com It’s excellent and there’s a part about sibiling rivalry.
It’s late and time for prayer. but I have 7 and the top 3 are the same age and I think they are doubles of yours. You are not alone. I think sometimes its the older one cause of hormones, other times I think it’s my lack of training, dad not around enought.. ah ah ah.. excusses. It boils down to me not taking the time to teach and train. Must go but you’re not alone. We are all with you and praying for you.
Another book I REALLY like, ESPECIALLY for the issues with the oldest child, is Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by the delightful Mally children (they may be mostly grown now!) I got to meet them several years ago when they did a presentation at our homeschool convention. What I REALLY like about this book is the clear call for the oldest child to be a godly example and do the hard work of leading a family of children. This was something my oldest child really needed to hear. I recommend it highly. It won’t automatically solve all problems, but I think it has the real capability to touch hearts.
Was just getting on to recommend “Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends” so will now just ditto Michelle:) We’re not finished with it yet, but it’s an awesome book for sibling relationships and the reminder that they’re with each other for life and that how they treat each other now/handle situations is training for bigger things later in life. Great book:) Gina
Rebekay directed you to what I would give you too. This site has loads of good info on siblings and getting along. I have a post on my blog from a couple of years ago that I can cut and paste to your email about this issue, if you’re interested pm me anytime.
The best way I know to learn to love and respect someone is to serve them. In our home, the consequence for mistreating a family member (or anyone for that matter) is that the guilty one needs to find a way to make the other person feel better. My kids are small (6yrs and under), so this usually just means righting the wrong (returning a stolen toy, etc.) and giving a hug or saying I Love You, but for older children it could be doing a chore for their sibling, writing them a ‘love’ letter (5 things I love about you …), baking them a treat, or helping them in some way. Having a consequence is important, but more vital is the change of heart that happens when you consistently serve each other. I’d be having a family meeting to explain my concern and what my expectations will be, and then have them brainstorm a list of ways to serve (that will be meaningful and actually help the other person feel loved) so they are ready with ideas as soon as one is needed!
Mine are younger then your but I think age has a lot to do with it. 13 is a rough age. I remember my older brother at that age: he was aweful to me but he is now a wonderful big brother. And I know at 13 if I’d had a younger sib that wouldn’t have been pretty either.
I second the recomdations of Makeing Brothers and Sister’s friends. Also teach him about positive reinforcement. Show him how he can can get his brother and sister to do what he wants by rewarding what he wants. Teens want power and siblings love nothing more then manipulating their siblings behavior, tell him how to get it with kindness.
Last thing is remember that sibling rivalery is esentially biologically dictated behavior. It’s how they learn to treat others and how to get what they need from people. While it’s a pain to watch and parent through it’s how God and nauture set things up so kids will learn to deal with other people.
The booked mentioned was a good one, we’ve read it. Though for us, either we didn’t get it or it wasn’t the right time to read it? And my oldest didn’t or doesn’t listen well to see the good in it. I think they have to be ready to “hear” it 1st.
My son struggles though with being the oldest and always wants to know “why?”. It’s a lot of pressure for him, everything is stressfull for him, espcially in this area.
I have used good consequences like washing the persons feet who were offended, doing a chore etc. Sometimes when they are all going at it. I just yell, “SIT DOWN”. That’s it. They stay for awhile while they all cool off.
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