My child tells me “no”

Assuming it’s a repeated issue and not just one bad day, when one of my kids is very resistant/grumpy/angry about a certain subject, I will sit down with them and talk about it when we are both calm. “It seems like you really get upset whenever it’s time for math. Can you tell me why that is?” If we are calm and they can see that I’m really listening and concerned, they will usually start talking about it.

Sometime it turns out the subject is extremely hard for them. They might need more help from me, or to be placed in a different level or use a different curriculum. Sometimes I have assumed they can handle something when they really aren’t ready for it. If I let them know we can change this to a “do together subject” and I can help them more, that often helps out with the attitude a lot if the issue is it being too hard. Or it might just need to wait a little.

With one of my sons (7yo) I’ve found it’s usually a matter of timing. I work with the kids individually in turns and if I’m ready for him when he’s in the middle of playing, he doesn’t like to be interrupted and gets very grumpy. It has helped if I try to work with him first and let him know during breakfast that we will do his school time with mom as soon as he’s done eating, then he can go play.

Sometimes it’s an issue of perseverance. I do talk to my older ones sometimes about why it’s important for them to learn these things, even if it’s not fun. For example, I have told them during spelling about how I got my first job and kept having to ask my supervisor how to spell words when writing my reports, because I couldn’t spell very well. I tell them how embarrassing it was and that I don’t want them to experience that!

We talk about how adults have to do hard things they don’t always like either (laundry, dishes, jobs…) and that everyone in the world has tasks to complete they don’t really like, but we need to learn to do them as cheerfully as we can.

I remind them we are only doing this for 15 or 20 minutes and we set the timer when starting.

Sometimes we try getting the most distasteful subject done first so it’s done, then choosing a favorite one to come next (the child gets to pick). Or I will ask them, “Would you like to do (subject they dislike) first, or after (other subject)?” If they get to pick when, that gives them a little more control over a situation they don’t like.

A good scripture verse is St. Paul talking about eating, drinking and doing whatever else you do for the glory of God. (I can’t remember the verse number off the top of my head.)

I also try to ask/notice what they like best and bring more of that into our homeschool day. We do poetry memorization because it was the only thing my second daughter enjoyed and could do well when she was in K/First grade, so I made it much more of a focus than I had originally planned so she could feel successful at something.

I hope some of these ideas help!