ServingwithJoy – thank you for the time you took to respond.
1. We do some subjects as a family and so yes, I do read to them from family spines. And I probably won’t stop. They read various history and literature selections on their own, they do science on their own, and several other subjects. We read scriptures as a family, taking turns reading aloud. The amount of time I read aloud to them is much lower than it ever has been, and I read much more to their younger brothers, but there are some subjects we just do together and will continue to do so. Their dad reads to them (all 4 share a bedroom) every night. I wouldn’t change that time for the world. I hear them laughing and talking and sharing thoughts and ideas. It is a magical time of night for dad and sons to bond. They just finished reading The Lord of the Rings and, at their request, the appendix and timeline.
2. The funny thing about written narrations is that one wants to be a writer, but doesn’t want to write unless it’s something he wants to write. He does illustrate his narrations often. I usually get a combination of drawings and the written word, many times like a comic book. We’re looking into biographies and books about authors to help him see what it actually means to write and study and learn and the effort it takes to produce a book. They most certainly do read twaddle, but it’s a losing fight for me. Dad is perfectly accepting and encouraging of them reading the Percy Jackson series, Harry Potter, and the like. I have won the fight against Captain Underpants and that lot, but the rest I just have to accept and encourage them to read living books. They ENJOY reading biographies and living books…they seek them out and give glowing narrations. But they also like their ‘fun’ books. It’s like a person that eats a healthy diet and gets a good amount of exercise but still eats ice cream on occassion.
3. I would certainly hope that we don’t have a strict authoritarian home. There are things they do because they are expected to do them and they do. Perhaps not cheerfully, but they get them done. They mow the yard, keep their room clean, do dishes, clean bathrooms, take out garbage, set & clear tables, are wholly responsible for the dog…all those things that go into running a house. No reward. No bribe. No nagging. It’s on a chart, they chose the chores, they do them and get thanked. It’s the dang schoolwork they’re stuck on! We are finding though that by providing a clear expectation of what they should do each day, they are better able to get it done. If I make up a list of weekly assignments they get it done whereas just saying, “do science every day” is too vague for them. Perhaps part of that is because they are independent now in some subjects that they’ve always had me helping them with. So if I say, “Chapters 2-5 need to be done in science and check it off when it’s done” they get it done. If I say, “do science” it gets lost in translation or something and they can’t remember to do it. Is this the way I want them to function their whole lives? Probably not. But I know many adults who schedule out their work that way as well and meet their obligations. Perhaps we’re just experiencing the hiccups of transitioning from mom to independent.
4. The sleeping…mostly we’re letting them sleep as late as they want this week to see how late they’ll actually get up. We want to get a feel for what’s going on. For one child this is a brand-new problem…as in just last week he started talking about how tired he was. Sleeping until 10, 11 or even noon. Taking naps. Putting himself to bed at 7 or 8. He just got back from a strenuous Scout camp where he did not get much sleep (too many late nights talking with friends) and was very physically active. We know there is some catch-up to do, but also wanted to see if there is something else going on. Is he sick? Is it a growth spurt? Next week, to their joy, the alarm is going off at 8am! And it may or may not move to 7 a few weeks after that. I just got my copy of Laying Down the Rails for Children yesterday (already have LDTR) and will be more working on habit training in a more focused manner.
5. I so struggle with saying, “You can have video game time once your schoolwork is done.” I don’t want video games in the house. Period. Again, a battle I’ve lost (but I have not given up the war). I don’t want their motivation for learning or completing work to be a video game. I want it to be the love of learning and the pride of accomplishing a task. I worry that by holding games out as the reward, it becomes more important than it should be. And the more video games they play the more fighting and arguing I see. They are less enthusiastic about pursusing talents and interests. They read less, play less, talk with us less. Video games turn them into people I don’t like, couch potatoes, ambitionless cranky-pants. I actually resorted to confiscating a book this week as I repeatedly found one of my sons reading the ‘fun’ book instead of doing his schoolwork. I usually just re-direct…and re-direct….and re-direct. But I took it from him. He got his work done though. And had a few hours to read what he wanted.
6. We just signed up for a co-op, mostly because artist boy needs competition. This is going to sound awful so please read this knowing that I love all my children very, very much…one son has a lot of learning challeges and some things (language mostly which includes reading & comprehension) are very hard for him. The other son of the same age is very bright, however he will only do what is necessary to get a passing grade/get the job done and no more. He sees that he does better than his brother and will work hard enough to just get better, but no more (he’s never mean or proud about it and never rubs it in his brother’s face). After long and thoughtful discussion we decided to try a co-op (instead of public school) so that he would see other bright kids working hard and he’d rise to that level. There would be more people he’d want to ‘beat’ so would work harder than he does at home. As you pointed out, friendly competition…not mean-spirited or one-up-manship, but an evironment that pushes you to grow and work.
I know we can make changes. It will be a slow process. And one I wish we didn’t have to tackle, that it had been dealt with years ago. We didn’t really have this problem until now though. They’ve always been really great about getting their schoolwork done. Maybe a few more weeks of independent work, with a little extra planning help, and we’ll be over this hurdle and back to Happy Homeschool Land!
Thanks again everyone. Sometimes raising boys is hard. Their brains work so much differently than mine does!
