modesty for a 4 year old and why boys don't have to wear shirts

LOL I do not think modesty comes naturally for children   If it is important in your family, then just keep working at it.  She is close to the age where she will be worried about what other kids think of her, and if she takes her shirt off and they tease her it will probably be very effective making her want to keep it on.

I have a little boy who has had a very difficult time staying dressed LOL – now this is not a big issue for us, as we have no religious tradition of modesty, and live in a totally isolated rural setting, but I just kept putting his pants back on him LOL, and one winter when he was about 4 I think, the “logical consequences” of disrobing took effect, i.e. he was too cold, and by the end of winter he kind of forgot about his determination to be naked and we transitioned into summer just fine, with shorts and tshirts.  About this time he developed a natural sense of decorum, so to speak, and if he has on tshirt and undies (what he sleeps in) and an early visitor show up, he will run put on pants before being asked.

So all that is to say, yes, I think there is a natural progression, if you are willing to let that unfold.  That said, I put my foot down about appropriate dress when it matters to me – I think a kid is capable of keeping their clothes on in the store, even if they are allowed to take them off at home.

As for the difference between boys and girls, this does have its ridiculous points when seen through a child’s eyes.  My husband and his friend were giving our son a haircut a few months ago and teasing him about getting long hair like a hippy (now please know that this was kindhearted teasing, as we come from the back to the land tradition and know and love a lot of long haired hippies ).  Max asked me a while back, “Mom, when girls get long hair, how come nobody calls them a hippy?”  LOL  Indeed!

Good luck!  And remember she won’t be four forever, soon she will be fourteen, and though I don’t know from experience (yet!) I am guessing the clothes and boys issues will be a lot more difficult then!  Sorry, not very good words of encouragement

Gem

We began teaching our ds and dd about modesty at ages 5 and 4, respectively. It didn’t come easily at first because they had been used to changing clothes in front of each other, bathing together until ages 4 and 3, and what made it even more difficult was that they shared a room. We shared that God wants us to be modest because our bodies aren’t meant to be shown to others. We’ve never dealt with the specific question of “Why do girls have to wear shirts when boys don’t?”, so I’m not sure how to answer that. Our ds does wear a shirt all the time, even at the swimming pool, so his sister never sees him “topless”. ha! In our case, modesty between siblings wasn’t something we really enforced until about a year ago, and I began to realize that if I didn’t enforce it early enough, they might eventually wonder why one day they were allowed to take a bath together and the next day they weren’t.

Two-piece bathing suits are something else we don’t allow. I know little girls are adorable in bikinis, especially when their pudgy tummies poke out. But, I didn’t want my dd growing up wearing bikinis. Someday that tummy wouldn’t stick out anymore and there would be breasts and hips where there aren’t any now. I didn’t want her to be allowed to wear a bikini until she matured, when I would have to say, “Ok, your body is too mature now to wear a two-piece. We’ll have to get you a one-piece this year.” I just know her response would be, “Why, Mom? You’ve always let me wear a bikini. Why do I have to stop now?” 

To avoid that conversation, we’ve just never allowed two-piece bathing suits. With your daughter, you could see if that approach would work for you. “Sally, I know you like to run around with your shirt off, but that’s not appropriate in our home. We have to keep our bodies covered and be modest.” That way, when she’s 12, she’s not saying, “But Mom, you let me run around without my shirt when I was 4 (and 5 and 6 and so on), why can’t I now?”

To me, modesty might be something a young child doesn’t understand right now, but we do have rules in our home; and those rules will be followed. Understanding might have to come later. I now have a very modest 5yo dd and a very modest 6yo ds. They didn’t understand what modesty meant at ages 3 and 4, but they do now, and they don’t question it.

I’m also sure that she will develop socially to understand that Mom and sisters or girl cousins don’t go topless, so she won’t want to forever either. Like Gem said, she won’t be 4 forever! Hope that’s helpful.

Honestly, that’s a good question, beacause I don’t know why, either.

If you are religious, and your religion teaches modesty, then you can use stories from your religious teachings to show them why you should dress modestly.

If you are modest, then you can teach your children that covering women is for the comfort of yourself and some of the people around you.

If you’re me, then you can teach your children to follow the law and their own comfort. In other words, there isn’t any reason for her to wear her shirt around her own home, unless she wants to. If you’re in Maine, or other states with decent laws, you can choose to wear a shirt or not wear a shirt, exactly as you please.

Really, the idea of wearing a shirt for the sole purpose of modesty brings to mind the burqua, which is also indoctrinated at the ‘right’ thing to do in children from a very early age.

Our teaching of modesty is spiritually based…we do not consider our family a “religious family”. The Bible tells us several times about modesty, and even compares immodest women to harlots and prostitutes. I can’t think of any specific verses at the moment on male modesty, however from my own experience, I can say that it makes me uncomfortable to see men walking around without shirts on, unless they’re at the pool or another appropriate place. Even then though, it is inappropriate for a member of my own family to be shirtless at the pool. When I was a child/teenager, my own father would walk around in the evenings in only boxer shorts, and that made me extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed me tremendously. Unfortunately, my opinion didn’t matter to my parents while I was growing up.

There are many hypocritical things in our culture today…I suppose the requirement of women to wear shirts while men are not required to could be considered one of those things. However, for my own comfort, my family’s Christian witness to others, my deep conviction of modesty both for myself and my children, and above all, the biblical teaching of modesty is the drive behind our practice of modesty for girls and boys, Mommy and Daddy.

Back to the original question asked by trulyblessed26, I would say that if you won’t allow your daughter to run around naked at 7 or 12 or 17 years old, she should not be allowed to run around disrobed at 4 years old. 

Out of curiosity, how does your husband feel about modesty in general? That would also be a large determining factor in how you handle this situation, I would think.

Lindsey

Yes indeed Nanci! It is having respect of your body! Boys and men are attracted to girls/women’s body. God made them that way–towards their wife!!! Training your child to be modest will lead to modesty later in life! Having respect for your body will lead to boys/men respecting you.

My husband pointed out to me when we were dating that unfortunately/fortunately(towards your wife) boys/men are attracted to girls/women’s bodies. They are attracted by sight. Even by the slightest hint of short pants/skirts or low blouses. He later pointed out when seeing women/girls dressed very modestly he thinks they are pretty….no matter what they “look” like!! 

In my early 20’s I dressed with the times. I didn’t show cleavage but my shirts were tight. I am short in stature so mini skirts come to my knees LOL but I still wore them and when I sat they rose up. I dressed for myself, other girls, and have to admit for the guys. But didn’t know that I was causing lustful thoughts! Yes, men need to control themselves. But, we can be as much to blame.

Unfortunately, men are attracted to young girls. And teaching your girl to be modest will pay off in the future. At home, if your little wants to be naked in her own room that would be a good idea!

I LOVE whoever said that are bodies are special gifts to be wrapped up!! That is showing respect –not being ashamed!

Respect-an attitude of admiration or esteem

Shameful-bringing shame or disgrace; injurious to reputation; disgraceful

We are a “no two piece swim suit” family.  My husband’s parents live on a lake and when we are there with female cousins who are allowed to wear swim suits (the youngest is 4) my 5yo dd asked-in front of their aunts and uncles- why their cousin was wearing an inappropriate swim suit.  Awkward!  My comment, whenever they are wondering about the variety of family rules or cultural norms, is that every family decides what they feel is appropriate and what is not.  Every family makes their own choices and this is our family’s choice, it doesn’t make their cousins wrong and us right, it is just what mom and dad believe.  We also have this discussion about when they are allowed to have sleepovers as their cousins are allowed to and they are not.  I do not want them to be judgemental of families whose views are different then ours because in reality if it is not a salvation issue, then it really is the personal belief and interpretations of scripture that individual families come to.  When they asked about why boys and not girls, I just said that it is appropriate for boys and not for girls because we have different types of chests.  They were fine with that.  My 7yo dd has become aware of personal modesty on her own at about 6 and my 5yo dd may have to be reminded to wear clothing till she is 60-she is just our nudie patootie!  It sounds like this is just the nature of your 4yo and the older and more mature she gets, the more she will understand. 

I have a dumb question for those with the “no two piece swimsuit” rule — does this really just refer to bikinis or do you include tankinis? Because I find the latter so much more convenient and often even more discreet since the bottoms are often more like shorts or a skirt.