Meal time…again

We too have problems sometimes at the table, and it’s hard like you said to define what is good conversation, and when it crosses into foolishness.  We also have had to say no more talking for the rest of the meal, and that doesn’t feel right, but it is frustrating.  We try to really talk about foolishness, and not allow that.  We don’t allow any touching, playing games, talking about movies or sometimes even books at the table if it turns into a distraction for others.  One thing that really helped us (although it involves some training) is a book of conversation starters that I got from the library.  We did a question of the night, and it taught them all to wait their turn, and listen to the person sharing. (Ex: what is something someone could do for you that makes you feel loved?  What is one country you would want to visit and why?)  So while they are listening they eat.  That helped with keeping the meal going, and still allowing good family bonding time without frustration at the table.  I would maybe set a timer for a normal amount of time you want to spend at the table, and let them see/hear that for a few nights, then they know how long you expect them to be there.  Then just state that meal-time is over and clear the table.  We also have things like fruit, or rolls, or whatever might be a healthy treat offered once they have eaten the main part of the meal.  That also speeds things up if they know they will miss that if they don’t eat in a timely manner.  Hope you get other good suggestions too, I’ll be watching:)  Adrienne

My kids can be this way, too.  When dh and I are done, if they’re still sitting/goofing I will set a timer to finish.  I know you said you don’t like that…but I don’t do it until dh and I have left the table:)  Not sure how to handle it while you’re all eating. Maybe take turns asking a person about their day and nobody else can speak while that person is talking?  Hope you find a solution soon:)  Gina

I have noticed with my own kids, it just takes time and patience. My almost 13 year old boy is very conscientious about eating correctly at the table now, as before it didn’t really matter. My younger kids are still needing reminders of course to not interrupt, eat their food properly, and not get too loud and silly.

A couple of things that I have done that have helped: 1. As a visual aid, I printed out a short “Manners at the Table” list that I found online and keep it near the table during meals.

2. There are lots of good books for kids about manners. If you search Amazon, you’ll see a variety of ones to choose from depending on your preference. I bought a book that is good for parents to read too about raising well mannered kids.

http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Raise-Well-Mannered-Child/dp/0805460764/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1328874069&sr=1-1

3. I’ve learned to lighten up and keep the perspective that they will grow out of this. In fact, my most careless mannered child was complimented the other day on how well mannered she was at their dinner table. They wanted me to give them tips on helping them with their kids’ at the table! Ha! Really? The child I’m constantly reminding is getting compliments?? 🙂 So it just goes to show that it is sinking in, even though we parents may not realize it.

I would try “removing the audience” as my mom used to say. They are silly and goof off for each other right? You or your husband are not the indended audience. So I would try separating them. At breakfast and lunch how about sitting in between them yourself, this way they cannot see or touch each other (or at least not without getting around you first!). I would not have them sit down or serve them anything until you are seated yourself, and when you are done eating, remain in your chair until the mealtime is over (breakfast or lunch) at which point everyone is finished, wether or not there is food left on the plates. (Small portions and explaining that when meal is done – it’s done, now is the time to eat… before of course.) At dinner I would do the same thing seat everyone in an alternating fashion: child, parent, child, parent. And when dad is done, the meal is over. If someone finishes early, they can sit quietly or engange in pleasant conversation while they wait for dad to finish. I would not leave them at the table alone together (not saying you do), or give them any other opprountinies to eat after the meal is done. I guess, in short, giving them little opprounity to be goofy in the first place. Maybe you can think of some other ways?

Something else my stepmom told us about when I was a kid… when she used to start laughing or otherwise being silly at the table, she was excused from the dinnertable to finish her meal – alone – the room her family sent her to was the bathroom. (It was always clean!) As children we were amazed she ever goofed off at the table, and this tatic worked well, the simple story was a good enough warning, and it only took one time of my dad excusing one of us to the bathroom for us all to get it. If you don’t like the bathroom as the room, maybe somewhere else? I know this same idea has worked for large groups of children at a camp. The goofy child was taken discreetly from the dining hall and had to sit outside the dining hall, plate on lap, within sight through the window. Or sometimes with a counselor. 

Hope something helps!