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Masterly Inactivity for one?
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Ok we are struggling with this. My ds is 12 and has no one to play with. I have let him gradually become a couch potato that only wants to watch tv, play xbox or ipod. I have cut him down to 2 hours of screen time and he has no idea what to do with himself. We live in the country and there is no other kids close enough to play with. He has no hobbies and I don’t know how to help. Anyone have any suggestions? He doesn’t like to read or really play with any toys so we are lost. Please help!! I really want him to do something productive with his time.
You live in the country? Can you send him outside? My first born would be like that if I’d let him. I seriously have to force him outside and lock the door some days but then he loves it! I’d get him a dog and send him outside.
My children are younger (6 and 8), so I’m hesitant to offer advice. We do, however, live in the country, so I’ll share some of the things my children do with their “free” time:
climb trees, roam around, dig for artifacts, “spy” on the guys who work on the farm (some of the workers will play along), make things out of trash/scraps (boats, planes, etc.), the usual kid things like legos or Barbies, dressing up and having me guess who they are (combinations of Elvis and Greek goddesses usually)
They used to ride their bikes a lot, but not as much recently. Sometimes they like to go watch the cows or “spy” on the chickens. The spying thing is their latest craze, not sure why. Your son is older, so many of these activities would not appeal to him perhaps. Do you have a nature study time? Is he learning a handcraft? Both of those could fuel his ideas for how to spend his free time. Maybe you and he could sit down and make a list of ideas with a goal of trying 3 per day or something like that….
I’m sure you receive some more/better advice – hopefully from parents who have been in your situation.
Maybe he needs a construction project. My boys (11 & 13) have been working on goat and dog houses which they designed using google sketch up. They are also putting in walking paths using a simple concrete mold from home depot, a wheelbarrow, and bags of concrete. It is getting done foot by foot and looking great. By the way, my husband is big on safety and has instructed the boys on how to operate his power tools. They are allowed to use them independently as long as they follow rules and he’s home to supervise (masterly inactivity). The walking path is their unsupervised, Daddy not home, project. All this is fun to them. They do especially love shooting their bow and arrows (some bows have been homemade from PVC pipe and bailing line).
My 13 year old was given a digital camera for his birthday. He is always outside photographing something. He organizes his photos himself on the computer. It has been one of the best things for him.
My 12 year old struggles a bit with not knowing what to do, so I try to have a list of things I know he has enjoyed:
*programming on Scratch http://scratch.mit.edu/
*going for bike rides
*doing Lego building contests (this seems to stimulate him more than “build something”
*make something out of the Lego contraption book http://www.amazon.ca/Lego-Crazy-Action-Contraptions-Stillinger/dp/1591747694/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1378587666&sr=1-3&keywords=Lego
*explore outside
If you live in the country I agree with getting him some animals 🙂 I was a lot older than my two brothers and went through an awkward period when I started homeschooling with no friends. My animals were great companions. In addition to dogs I had fish, outdoor rabbits, hamsters, lizards, and goats. I didn’t like the goats so much. I was 16 when we got them and getting into other things. My brothers loved them.
It gets you outside when you have to take care of them everyday and everything is more fun with a furry friend to share.
Tara
Great ideas!!
@ missusleata I will have to try that. He’s been wanting a dog outside(we have an inside one). I have told him that my mom used to lock us outside, lol.
@Jennifer, he does all those things when he has somebody to do them with, it’s the alone thing that’s a problem. He tells me all the time that he needs a brother, lol
@Carla, I love the list idea, I am going to do that!
@Janell, I have thought of doing the construction, I will talk to his Dad about getting him started on something. I didn’t know what would be a good project but I like the dog houses.
@Tecrz1 we used to have chickens but he was afraid of them, lol, gets that from his Mom lol
All I think of when I hear 12 year old boy bored is a trip to Lowes and some inexpensive supplies to build something. I currently need bird feeders, bird houses, chicken coop, well house, and feed shed. My 7 yr old son better get prepared!! LOL Just get some wood, nails, paint, small tool kit….. provide some manly things and let his creativity go wild.
Okay, I can totally relate! 11 & 12 were hard years. (our son just hit 13) We had to help him find a hobby b/c it seemed that everything he was interested in previously, he no longer was interested in and he’d rather just be a couch potato and play on the computer or vidoe games. It may be hard to discover what your son is interested in. I realize he does not like to read, but if you take him to the library what subjects does he gravitate to? If he groans that he does not want to read, ask him “What if it is a book on CD? What would you want to learn about?”. It may take a little time.
What really did it for us was a combo of the gift shop at the Children’s Museum and the gift shops when we went to Washington DC. He gravitated toward spy stuff and computer techy stuff. That eventually led us to robotics, and he is now on a competetive robotics team. This does translate into more screen time since he is the programmer but I find it more constructive screen time, and it may very well end up being something he will do for a career.
My son still does like to play with Legos, but only when listening to a book on his CD player. So if your sos does not like to read maybe he will like to listen to books. If lego’s don’t work how about erector sets?
Maybe he not have much interest in building stuff from wood. Contruction just does not interest some kids as they get older- that is reality! Yes, my son will help dad build a chicken coop, but he won’t necesarily be excited about it (but will still feel a sense of accomplishment at the end). How about mechanical things? You could buy a cheap, even non-working lawn mower. Let him take apart the engine, and see if he can put it back together (will probably need a book and dad to help put it back together!). For our son, our extended family learned to call us before they threw away anything, radios, dvd players, weed wacker, lawn mowers – my son will take just about anything apart and try to put it back together – probably why robotics turned out to be his thing!
You may have to think outside the box- usually unconventional things for pre-teen boys to learn. My son went to a camp that explored different creative tools for sharing his faith and ended up taking up learning vantriloquism. Who knew!
I agree that animals could be a good idea and good companions -and maybe not just your average domesticated animals if you and he are up to a challenge!
I realize some of these things may be big financial investments that you can’t undertake if a true interest is not there (animals that are neglected are not a good idea!). I don’t know how far out in the country you are, or how easily accessible it is for you to do this, but depending on his interests, are there businesses or individulas he can do an apprenticeship with or shadow to see if he is interested in it? When my friends son turned 13 he did an apprenticeship with a car mechanic for a few months but it does not have to be something that long and involved, a few days in one thing may be enough for him to so “NO way!” or “I want more!”. It could be someone in business or someone’s hobby – he could end up finding the big brother he doesn’t have.
This also could be agreat opportunity to help him learn to have a servants heart. Who needs help? Moving, painting, doing yard work, shoveling snow, raking leaves. Since you are in the country maybe helping someone care for their animals, muck out stalls, clean out the barn or chicken coop, clear brush. . . Shoveling Alpaca poop was probably not my sons favorite thing to do but he learned alot and got a better appreciation for good old hard work!
Good luck, I know it can be hard to find an interest but once he does, and new doors are thrown open wide you and he will probably be amazed at what can be doen!
Just a quick suggestion – check on P’interest or Google some ideas of what to make with pallets. My 11YO son can spend an afternoon with a pallet and a crowbar. LOL.
Another thing – my 11YO loves little home-improvement projects that test his skill and encourage him to try something new. Hanging curtains, replacing door handles, hanging shelves, etc. Last week I told him that our downstairs sink had a clog and he spent the afternoon taking it apart, cleaning the clog, putting it back together, and checking to make sure there were no leaks. He completed the project and (I could tell) was very proud of himself.
Oh more great things heehee. I am so excited to try out some of the ideas. He has been wanting an outside dog for awhile(we have a yorkie inside) but we didn’t really want another dog. We decided since Friday was his birthday that we would let him get one. He is so excited and going to use his money he has been saving for a new iPod on a “vanilla”(he says if brown ones are chocolate than yellow ones are vanilla) lab lol, he is a nut. He will have to be responsible for taking care of it. We started looking for one but no luck yet.
I have been thinking about the apprenticeship think but thought he might be too young(child labor laws lol) but if he’s not getting paid I guess it would be ok? He has always loved cars(knows them very well) and is into NASCAR. We are going to get a model car for him to do on rainy days. I like the idea of the lawn mowers and such. I printed off plans for a bird feeder and his dad is going to get him started on that tomorrow. I am going to make a list of all these ideas and just start going through them until we find the right “thing”.
You all are such amazing help!!! Thank you all!!!
If he’s interested in cars, could you round up supplies for him to build a go cart? Our oldest son saved up his money and bought a car before he ever had his license and had it all fixed up by the time he did. Also he’d be old enough for simple model cars or airplanes and then work his way up in complexity as he improves. We made the commitment early on to not buy toys for birthday gifts but rather “tools” for their individual hobbies. One began a trap line (we live in the country too) the other son built a forge and made a few knives. That son also made a complete chainmail armoour “shirt” out of tiny loops of wire that he formed each individually and connected them. It took him forever but he was so determined! He’s in his 20’s now and still has it as a keepsake.
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