Marriage, education choices

My husband totally supports and tells everyone how much we love homeschooling.  He totally knows and supports all my decisions.  When I ask him a question he usually supports what I feel is best.  So do you see???

NO my dh is not involved in our schooling.  This is what he will do.  If I can’t get through on say math with one of the boys he might sit with them on a Satuday and try and show him a different way then I did it.  He will sit with us if he doesn’t have work one day during history, he willingly listens to the boys do there bible verse, but no he doesn’t so science with them, or any subjects unless I ask him to directly work with one of the boys.

How do I feel about that.  At times like I wish he was more involved, others grateful that God has blessed me with a dh that loves what we do and trusts God to instill in me what’s important for each of our children.

What I say is unless this is stressful for you let your dh be what God has him being to your family.  As long as he is the leader in the family and the children see this that is what is most important to me.

I just thought I’d share my thoughts and our home.  I think things are ok if God is the center of your home. Misty

Hi there.  I have a wonderful, hardworking, trustworthy, fun loving, protective (the list goes on and on) hands-on daddy for my kids, but…when it comes to homeschooling… he is completely hands-off.  

When we decided to try homeschooling (our oldest went to ps for about 2 years) he had just changed his heart/mind toward homeschooling and thought it was worth a try.  He did *politely* remind me that it would be “my baby,” and to not expect too much from him because of work, etc. (I was working part-time, too), but he still saw it as a “mom” thing and just knew I’d be better at it than him:)  So, needless to say, it is my baby.  I honestly don’t know how I’d want him involved even he were because we clash while working together on most things, so I imagine this wouldn’t be any different, don’t know.  Plus, since I am the one home with the boys full-time (I don’t work anymore) we have established our way of schooling and since he’s not familiar with the approach (and probably doesn’t want to be) it’s hard to have him just “jump-in” and help. 

I have my moments when I’d like more help, but I’d actually like more help around the house, shopping, bill paying, that type of thing then the homeschooling, but that’s a work in progress, too.

My husband is such a great Dad, but other than being impressed with what they’re doing or super excited about their upcoming activities he is not to be counted on for any kind of bookwork.  He has an opinion about how we school, such as: how/how much/where/when because he really wants his kids to get a real education (similar to ps, but in a homeschool setting, I know, like that’s always happening there anyway) unlike what he received, but doesn’t necessarily want to be involved:)

He bores rather easily with my homeschool talk and would rather die than go to a seminar/convention, but has no problem with me going.  He fully supports us financially regarding our needed supplies and has no problem with me purchasing whatever, but just leave him out of the decision and he’s fine.

I hope this makes sense, I’ve been in the sun all day and I’m kind of fried:) 

My husband does have an opinion regarding over scheduling myself with the boys and doesn’t especially like that if it cuts in to what he would consider family time:) 

Wow!  I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m bashing my husband, I’m just telling the truth.  He absolutely adores his family, works very hard (construction), and is completely dedicated to the Lord and us and for all of that I’m eternally grateful.  I am learning to look at what he does provide for us and how he feels about me and our kids and just be satisfied with it. I actually feel like I’m one of the luckiest gals on the planet (okay, sometimes I want to shake him, but that has nothing to do with hschooling:), I am able to stay home, homeschool (really any way I please, as long as I’m doing something), and have a faithful husband:) I often ask myself “What more do you need?”

I’m certainly not saying you aren’t grateful, cause truth be told, I know exactly how you feel.  I’m just attempting to encourage you and let you know that you are not alone.

PS: I did ask my husband to let me know (involving him without telling him) what type of life skills he’d like to teach our oldest this coming fall.  He’s super hands-on, uses tools all day at work, fixes all things broken around here, etc. I made a list of the things he wants to make sure our oldest (younger ones later on) knows how/what to do/use for whatever men do and told him that I will make sure that we accomplish those goals.  I added them to my Handiwork/Life Skills subject list and put him as resource and the things he wants to accomplish for the topics.

I hope this makes sense, too much sun:)

Faith – I think if your hubby has a full time job AND a parttime job so that you can stay home with your kids then asking him to take on an area of homeschooling that you can do yourself IS asking too much.  I can understand where you’re coming from because I don’t always appreciate my hubby’s “input” either, especially when there’s areas where I DO ask him and he tells me to do what I think is best (mostly because he doesn’t want to put the time in to read/research etc… AND because he trusts me to make wise decisions… of course if I would just give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the later rather than even consider the former as a possibility it would probably not bother me at all that he isn’t participating in the decision). 

So, about your specific examples, one thing that would help is to have a general homeschool budget.  Have a specific amount that you and DH agree you can spend on homeschooling and then he won’t have room to complain about what you do spend.  And it might also be wise to budget time as well – or at least have a monthly meeting where you go over the calendar and have it all written out so before you add something to the schedule you can show it to DH and he can see exactly what time is going to be “taken”.  I know that my dh doesn’t care what I schedule during the day as long as we “get school done”, so if I want my girls to participate in something I really try to fit it in during the day while he’s at work.  Your DH is probably gone from the house a lot with 2 jobs and a ministry so when he’s home I’m guessing he wants to spend time with you and his kids and probably doesn’t want to be rushing around.  I know when my DH was working a job that required TONS of overtime, he was very stressed and when he was home he wasn’t that pleasant because he was stressed, but ultimately what he wanted is just for us to be around and to love on him – again, try to assume the best… maybe your DH is complaining about overscheduling because he ADORES you and his kids and he LOVES to spend time with you (even if it doesn’t always come across when you are spending time together).

And I’m sure there’s other things that he will want to put his two cents in on, so next time he does maybe you can try kindly letting him know that you want to please him and honor him, but you need him to make suggestions in a less critical way – take the blame on yourself for being sensitive and tell him that you’ll work on not being so sensitive to his suggestions, but ask him if he can help you in this process by being more gentle.

I am only able to make these suggestions because it’s something that I have/am dealing with in my own home and I’m finding that communication is really helping (along with LOTS of prayer and humility).  Also, letting things go that really aren’t a big deal helps A LOT. 

HTH,

Rebekah

I’d just like to echo the other posts. My dh does not take a daily part in our homeschool. He has enough to do as the provider and I am so grateful that he works so hard for us.

I used to feel so burdened by reading blogs/articles about what the father “should” be doing in the homeschool, and I think that creates a spirit of discontent in the wife. I had to just take it to the Lord and He showed me that if my dh delegates the responsibility to me, that is him taking part! He’s trusting me enough to let me decide.

Nanci