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Making CM work nowadays
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I’ve had a struggle lately when considering CM. I’ve always used CM methods but have used books like the CM companion as my guide rather than the original writings. I’ve tried in the past to make Ambleside work for us, but I end up changing so much of it to fit us that it becomes frustrating.
My life is so very different than anyone I know. We travel ALOT with my dh for his work which is great but it is a constant upheaval. There is packing and unpacking and recuperating from the late nights and being out of our routine. This website and CM Companion have helped to encourage me to see things out of the box and to go with our flow.
I’ve been intimidated to read CM’s own words (I’ve started several of her books but never finished one) because first and foremost she was a teacher, not a mom. She wasn’t responsible for the cooking, cleaning, and functioning of the family. She could have “school” without the distractions of home. She could be in the same place for several days at a time. So, I have been very hesitant to pick up her books again. The fear of a seeing a worthy standard, but one that I can never live up to has kept me from taking the plunge.
I guess my real issue is making our life work for us. When we travel (which has been two weeks a month lately), we spend the first day in the car as dh runs in and out of offices working his way up to wherever we are going to stay. Once we’re at the hotel, we do get to our schoolwork quite well (no housework!). Then the day back is again another day in the car. We have listened to alot of audio books, but now our youngest (5 yrs old) doesn’t tolerate audiobooks for long but begs for a video. I’ve tried to do our read alouds in the car but it is a bit hard (it feels like I’m yelling). Of course, there’s all the “he touched me” and “are we there yet?” during the car rides. Then once we’re home, we’re usually exhausted and we have lots of laundry. It takes a while to get back into some sort of routine.
I get discouraged because it seems like we are continually in and out of our routines, but never really successful at them. With the way things are right now, we are grateful for my dh’s job (a medical sales rep) but were not prepared for all the traveling that it entailed. We were told my dh would only have MIami as his territory, but at training he found out it was 5 states. If we didn’t travel with him, we would hardly see him.
The melancholy side of me is bugged that I can’t follow any program or curriculum to a “T”. There’s always tweaking. There’s a part of me that feels “unloyal” because we are not doing things exactly CM or don’t get to everything that I planned for.
I did pick up Formation of Character by CM and have started reading it. It has been very good. Of course all her books are very good when I read them but I find such a hard time fleshing them out in my contemporary life and circumstances. Anybody relate?
It is not often that I read a post and feel my own heart in my throat. I will pray for you. I have a difficult time getting out to the store; I can’t imagine being away from home so much. Yet, while I cannot relate to your exact circumstances, I know that all of us can relate to that feeling of frustration and the feeling of paralysis that so easily swamps us in the face of the unacheivable.
So much has come to mind for you in the practical circumstances, but the thing that first came to mind was Christ’s command to give thanks in all things for this is His will for you. Romans 1 talks about being thankful and honoring God as God. Also, there is the comfort that there is no temptation except that which is common to man and He will leave a way out for you. Right now you are tempted with discouragement, but God calls you to thankfulness and honor.
This can work for your family because God has called you to it. He supplied a ram for Abraham when he thought he was going to have to kill his first born. He can supply your needs as well.
Like I said, I cannot relate to your exact situation, but I can relate! I have had times where I just needed to get on my face before the Lord and confess and plead and get to the place of thankfulness and honor. Nothing else really got done besides meals and laundry, but God’s work is so much more important.
Another big issue is, what does your husband think? Does he think this is the best or does he see a lacking? Do you agree on your homeschool methods? I did not realize for a long time that my husband thought I should just give them textbooks/workbooks and couldn’t understand why I was putting so much time into researching books to read :)! I readily confess that as my own lacking in communicating with him.
How are the children doing with all this? Do they like traveling or are they wishing for a more routine homelife?
I may sound like I am drilling you – please forgive me; but your post has inspired me and excited me to see what God can do with a heart yielded to Him.
There are lots of practical ideas that come to mind, but I sense your heart is to just be an at-home mom instead of an on-the-road mom. Could you just go some of the time instead of all of the time?
Blessings,
Cindy
Cindy,
Thanks so much for your reply and your questions. I may be posting at a vulnerable time (this close to Christmas–busy, busy, busy, and we’re all sick with a bug that has wiped us out!).
My husband wants to keep us together as a family as much as possible. He is surprisingly supportive of CM methods. It makes sense to him. So, I’m really blessed with that. The kids love traveling and get ansy when we haven’t been anywhere in two weeks. Me, it wears me out, though there have been many precious moments that I wouldn’t trade for all the school at home.
I am a homebody. I love traditions and homeyness. I love routine. When we travel, I just can’t possibly do all that’s on our list though it’s a very scaled back list as it is. The days we are home, we are either preparing for another trip or recuperating from one.
But you’ve brought up such a good point. THE most important point, is do I believe that this is God’s will for me right now? Yes. I guess that’s the bottom line. If He has ordained this for right now, then that’s what’s best for us, even if it doesn’t look as academic as Ambleside right now. This is the struggle I have whenever I read CM’s books or look too closely at what others are doing. I feel such a lacking in our academics and in our ability to work on habits.
You sensed right, my heart is to just be an at home mom instead of an at the road mom. There are many times we decided it’s best for us to stay home and let him go alone, but there are weekly opportunities for us to travel with him. He often will drive 4 hours one way to see one office and then drive back 4 hours in the same day. He does this a couple times a week. He rightly feels that for him to have a positive influence on our family, he needs time with them. I do have to say, though, that with the bustle of traveling even our family worship time gets set aside. Our time together doesn’t seem to be our best times. So, sometimes I see that the traveling hurts us. The kids love it though. It is challenging to coordinate our traveling (sometimes I get 24 hours notice) with orthdontist appts, church functions, piano lessons, etc…
I do appreciate your understanding and seeking my heart. It helps to discuss this with someone.
Many Blessings,
Betty
Betty,
((((HUGS))))) Like Cindy, I can relate a little. This particular year has been very hard for me. I want to be a stay at home mommy, relaxed, with fresh-baked bread always on the counter, a warm and inviting home . . . and this year, I’ve had to “give up” a lot of that and spend quite a bit of time helping out my dh’s business. It’s been an economic necessity, and part of me realizes that it must be God’s will, but in my “discontent” moments, which there are all too many of, I can get whiny. And it has really curtailed a lot of the “extras” we did, because I am at the office all afternoon. I have to somehow get school crammed in before I have to leave to go to the office, so what used to be nice, leisurely narrations have all too often turned into “Oh, nice, nothing else interesting? Hurry up . . . OK, get your next book . . .try to hurry . . .I have to leave . . . I want your dissecting project done before I go . . . did you REALLY practice your piano and read for one hour when I was gone?” I’ve had to rely on some “quick fixes” for school this year, and it has definitely not been a relaxed and peaceful year.
I don’t know that I have a lot of good solutions, though. I am always working on my own attitude this year, and just when I think I get somewhere . . . I have to do it again. 🙂 I’ve often thought that if Charlotte could see me now, she’d be shaking her head in disappointment at me. Sigh.
I guess we just need to keep plugging along, doing the very best we can, and then leave the rest up to the Only One who can really make all the difference anyway. No matter how hard I try, I cannot have my “ideal” plus all my extra responsibilities right now, but I do know Someone who can make my own pitiful offering of loaves and fishes to be “more than enough” I just need to turn it over to Him, along with all my pictures of homeschool perfection, and let Him work with us.
Michelle D
Wow, It is amazing how, though each of our set of circumstance are quite different, the basic heart struggles are the same. My dh has been a First Sargeant of an Army Reserve Unit for about a year and a half, now – one of just a few full time staff trying to work the mission with limited resources. Needless to say we do not get to spend much time with him. DS just craves daddy time, and is disappointed more often than I would like. In addition the unit has received alert orders that they will deploy (although they’ve changed the dates twice already – so who knows!). We had to put off plans for adoption/foster care, realizing I would be handling things by myself. I have struggled, and struggled, and struggled with my attitude regarding dh and his unit. I could go on, but it would likely become a whine fest. 🙂 Anyway, I sure appreciate you gals sharing your hearts as I can see that we all have our struggles and God is using those struggles to make us stronger and grow our faith.
Praying for you,
Melissa
It IS amazing that though we have different specifics, our struggle is similar. Michelle, that reminder of the loaves and the fishes was great for me.
I’ve been trying to consider receiving the providences of God in my life as literally from His hand, just like He handed the disciples the cup and said, take and drink, and the bread and said, take and eat, this is My Body.
Part of me wants so much to be a CM purists. That would feed my legalistic-box-checking side so well! But the Lord has left me without much to glory in of my own self, but much opportunity for Him to fill in.
I’m really enjoying this discussion. I love the community that has developed on this board! God is so merciful.
You know, you are right that God gives us tailor-made opportunities in our lives. We tend to miss them because they do not match up with our own agenda.
As you comb through your children’s strengths, weaknesses, needs, and bents, God will give you ideas to teach and train them even in the midst of this challenge. It’s really very exciting to know that God is so concerned with your children’s welfare and future that he has allowed it to be hard right now. I can tell that you know in the long-run this time will do more for building relationships than you can measure.
How special of you husband! I’m awed at the dad who wants so much to be with his wife and children and is so concerned with child training that he is willing to pack ’em up and haul ’em out! 🙂 Life would be so much easier for him if he just did this alone. I would just caution you to keep healthy, pray, and wait on the Lord!
Oh, and with all due respect, Ambleside is awesome for those that God calls to it. He has called you to something bigger.
Blessings,
Cindy
Ladies,
Thanks for this post and the gracious responses. It is good for me to see that everyone gets frustrated at times with the inability to get everything done. Sometimes I think I’m the only one. It is such a good reminder to seek God instead of comparing myself to other moms (who seem to have their own frustrations).
As far as the traveling thing goes, that sounds like a real challenge for someone who would like to be home a lot. I recently finished an Edith Shaeffer book…The Hidden Art of Homemaking… and she really helped me to think outside the box about what it takes to make a place feel like home. She talks about making even a hotel room “homey.” It just popped into my head while reading your post (from a practical standpoint) maybe you could have a bag that is always packed with some things that make all of you feel cozy and safe and like you’re at “home.” Then when you get into another hotel room (because most of them look just alike), you could unpack the things again. This is just a thought.
Obviously the best thing to do (for all of us) is to cry out to Jesus and enjoy our families. Twenty years from now I can’t imagine you’ll regret making sure the kids (and you) spent time with your husband.
Blessings!
Oh, and one more thing (blushing). Michelle called you Betty – that’s correct? Your posting name threw me off, but I do want to be able to call you by name, not just ‘Hey you!” 🙂
What a blessing this group of ladies is. I am in the process of ditching everything my kids and I have done for three years and starting with an eclectic CM method, and I have to say that just reading about others struggles is just really helpful to me. Strange, I know, but knowing that every one is struggling in one way or another is just really helpful in making my heart more peaceful and accepting of God’s direction. I know He is leading me to make the changes I am, and I truly believe that He led me to this encouraging group of women.
But to the point I originally wanted to make, is that I am really inspired by the dedication you and your husband have to family togetherness. I am sure that God will provide the answers, and it surely seems that ya’ll as a whole family are listening intently for that direction. God bless you!!
Hi Cindy,
My legal name is Ana Beatrix, but I’ve always been known as Betty.
The Lord has been convicting me this past week, to look to Him and my husband for my direction. I am pretty familiar with CM methods by now that I should be able to utilize them in the different circumstances of our life.
Cindy, you mentioned gratitude and thankfulness. I’ve spent alot of time, wasted time, lamenting. There’s a time and place for it, but at some point it just starts dragging me down. So, I’m going to try to learn what I can from these days and keep going. I’m going to work on looking for reasons to be thankful. There are plenty.
Another thing the Lord has convicted me of is that my attitude has affected my children. I am still dealing with the flu, but my discouragement has caused me to let alot of things go. Then I get upset when the kids do the same. Then I feel there’s no hope of establishing good habits or routines all the while I’m still in my pjs….
I’m going to focus on myself for the rest of this month: my attitude, my habits, my diligence, my use of time, what I allow my mind to dwell on. I’m going to stop living like the police is over my shoulder and just do what I know I need to do. There is a Cuban saying that someone can drown in a glass of water if possible. That’s me. I “introspect” for too long and then drown! But I have to say that the Lord is working even in that. My times with Him in the morning have been very precious. He’s so merciful! I just wish I wasn’t such a slow learner.
Maybe we can start the New Year on good footing. I think I have the more issues with self discipline and habits than my children do. Coming home after each trip kinda throws me for a loop and it takes me a while to get my footing again. Maybe there are things I can do to lessen the decompression time and get back into our routine more quickly? I will contemplate this these next two weeks.
This group truly is a blessing. Why do we think we’re the only ones who struggle? I know when I read too many blogs, it seems like everyone else has their home perfectly decorating and are enjoying peaceful times of Advent readings and cookie baking in neat, tidy homes (of course after a morning of schoolwork). It can seem like that sometimes. I don’t see the morning sickness some are going through, the husbands deployed, the sick children, part time work, etc… Thanks for bringing things back to reality and being transparent with your lives. This is a special place.
Grace & Peace,
Betty
Dear Betty, Several years ago I had the privilege of listening to Susan Schaeffer Macauley (sp?) speak. A very rough quote: “Sometimes the centerpiece is candles and flowers, sometimes it’s the ketchup bottle.” Hope that gives you a smile and the freedom to let God love you and your family at this challenging time! 🙂 Blessings as we celebrate GOD WITH US.
In Him,
Nancy G.
Nancy,
That was GREAT! LOVE it! And she has such a simple, resigned way of saying things. I might have to pull a few of her books out again!
Grace & Peace,
Betty
I have nothing to add except THANK YOU all for your gracious posts. It is truly a blessing to be a part of such a wonderful group.
My suggestion would be to have two different schedules. At home, concentrate on “regular” schoolwork (as well as laundry, cooking, and housework, lol). When on the road, perhaps concentrate on the “extras” like handicrafts, art study, music study, etc. I would release yourself from the pressure of trying to keep up with the same schedule under two very different circumstances.
When in a new city, I would put the daily schoolwork priority on learning about that city. Visit the museums, parks, etc. What a wonderful experience for your children to be able to see different places.
Driving in the car might be a good time for music and composer study. 🙂
Staying in a hotel with a pool would be a good time for swimming lessons and phy ed.
On the road I would bring along a good read-aloud, scripture, and math books, simple art supplies, but perhaps leave all other books at home (except books the kids bring to read to themselves).
If you visit the same cities over and over, you might look online for local homeschooling groups in those cities and get to know some of the people that way.
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